Survivorfest - week 5!

Tyrone allows himself to be excused!

Fresh from tribal council where the irritating Jimmy T was released, Holly proclaims that she was shocked.  Shocked, I say!

Marty already has his sites set on culling Jane and Holly next.  Practically licking his chops. The way the old farts have been performing at challenges he should get his chance pretty soon.

Alas, CBS has other plans.  The old versus young gambit is clearly not working out and seems likely to get worse unless the Medallion of Power were to provide Ozzy and Boston Rob for the next challenge.

Probst announced a tribe switch.  He had everyone pull a stone from a bag resulting in Holly and Brenda being new captains.  Each chose members of the others tribe to form new teams.  At this point I'm completely confused as to who is with whom, but one tribe is now Espada, which is Spanish for "bloaty, gassy feeling" and the other is La Flur, which is named in honor of one of the greats of American theater: Art LaFleur.

NaOnka, oddly, seems all broken up.  She yelled over to the other tribe that she was going to miss them all.  "Except you, ya one-legged skank!  I'll gouge your damn eyes out!"  Okay, she didn't actually say that.  Or if she did, CBS cut it out.

We were treated to a reward-only challenge!  The game resembled a giant Pachinko machine.  Any balls that fell to the ground would count as a point against that team.

Reward for the winner was three chickens.  Jane could barely contain herself "Ring the neck off that chicken!!!  Yeeeehaaaaaah!"  Three million PETA supporters begin reaching for their phones.

The challenge was very tight, going to the last set of balls.  Marty dropped his second of the challenge and Espada took home the birds.

Back at the victorious camp Tyrone contemplated his new tribe:  "There's a bunch a pretty girls runnin' around...there may be some fornicatin' goin' on..."

NaOnka isn't impressed with Tyrone:  "Tyrone is not gangsta!"  Of course he's not...He a Tyrone for God's sake!  That beats gangsta like a full house beats two pair!

At camp Art La Fleur, Marty can't understand why the younger tribe put up with NaOnka's crap.  "You mean you sat here and let her thump one of your own tribe, walk away with the immunity clue and not share it with the rest of the tribe!?!"   Well, when you say it that way, it does sound pretty bad.

Marty went on to share that he had found the idol in the other camp.  The younger members of the tribe found the admission ballsy, bold and, above all, stupid.

The rains came and NaOnka was having problems with it.  Evidently she doesn't like to be cold, wet and hungry all the time.  Well, duuuuuhhhh!  Would you like to participate in next season's Survivor:  Miami Beach?

Alina:  "Nay seems like she's on her period all the time!"  I'd like to point out that if a man had said that, there would be hell to pay.

Chase tried to help console the whimpering NaOnka as well, telling her a story about when his father died. Soon, he was blubbering, too.  I think NaOnka is really bringing down this tribe's mojo.

The challenge was an interesting one.  Fair disclosure:  I had one person call me while the show was airing to remind me that younger children occasionally read this blog (although judging by the Google Analytics stats, I doubt it) and that I should report the results accordingly.  I have no idea to what they were talking about.

The challenge was to strap three people to a large wheel where the remaining tribe members would turn the wheel in order to alternatively dunk each person into water.  The person would grab a mouthful of water and, at the apex of the wheel, attempt to spit it into a tube while the wheel continued to spin.  The tube, when full, would drop a ball that would be used to break some tiles. First to break all the tiles would win the challenge.

Across the country Survivor fetishists strapped themselves in for the ride of their lives.

I would like to point out that both tribes chose to populate the wheels solely with women.  I'm not clear on whether CBS mandated this or not.

Espada managed to fill their tube first.  I think some of the La Flur women got confused and [this section has been deemed inappropriate according to Blogger content rules and regulations.  Funny.  But totally inappropriate.]

Despite getting access to their ball first, Espada struggled with the last portion of the challenge and La Flur picked up the victory.

Back at Camp Loser, NaOnka admitted that she'd be happy to get voted out.

The rest of the team decided they wanted to eat a real meal before council, so they voted, over Tyrone's objections, to kill one of the chickens.

Three million PETA supporters dutifully hit the CBS complaint number on their speed dial.  "Peggy?  Yeah, it's me, Syd.  They went and killed another one..."

At council, Probst probed NaOnka on the difficulty of life on Survivor.  NaOnka compared it to her divorce, which she admitted was mostly her fault.  Man, that's hard to believe.  I bet that guy didn't have a leg to stand on.  Yeah.  I went there.

Probst was getting a little chippy with the tribe when they appeared to be resisting his attempts to get them to bash on each other.  I think he might be getting spoiled by some of the infighting that happened with the past few councils.

The vote went in, and Tyrone was voted off.  I am pretty sure that Jeff asked him if it was okay that he extinguish his bad-ass torch.  'Cause that's the way you roll with someone named Tyrone.

Next week:  Espada gets sick from eating tainted chicken and three million PETA supporters celebrate in the streets!

Survivorfest - week 4!

Jimmy T is benched for good!

Fresh from tribal council, Tribe Arthritis is still reeling from their decision to remove their obvious leader, Jimmyjohnson.

Jimmy T tried to pick up the slack and keep his tribe motivated and happy through a rainstorm by a weird combination of hugging and singing old Four Seasons songs. Yes, it was really that odd.

Tribe Oldster immediately realized they had made a mistake and voted off the wrong Jimmy.  Most blamed the fact that both men were old, had fake teeth and might have been named Jimmy or Bobby or something.

It's clear that most of them consider Nicaragua to be a little slice of hell.  I guess the country can put aside its new "Nicaragua - Land of Retirees!" program.

Jimmy T is happy that Jimmy J was let go, since he wasn't respecting his obvious talent.  He's not too happy with Marty, either.  He indicated "Marty wouldn't last a minute in my world!"  He's from Massachusetts for crying out loud!

At Camp Diaper Rash NaOnka and Brenda, despite all odds, managed to figure out the immunity map puzzle and Nay dug up the idol (points for Nay!).  Note that Brenda carefully backed away when it became clear they were about to find it so that she would not be thrown to the ground and stomped on (ghetto style).  Well played.

Alina and Kelly One Shoe decided that if they were going to find the idol first, that they would need to go looking as well. Nay noted this and followed them.


Unable to bring herself to admit that she had the idol and start gloating (ala Russell) she decided to scream at them and insult them for trying to look for it.  I am 95% sure that NaOnka is a sociopath.  That is Latin for person of chaotic, potentially dangerous actions or Kentuckian for crazy bitch what need killin'.

I don't see a big old kiss and make up between Nay and Differently-Abled Kelly at the reunion show.  I would, however, like to see a nice pay-per-view grudge match.  Maybe in a cage.  Can't the WWF or the MMF make something like this happen?

Treemail came and gave an indication that the challenge would involve blindfolds.  The older tribe decided it would be a good idea to practice wearing them and calling out instructions.  Good idea!

As suspected, the challenge was to have pairs blindfolded and bound together with one "caller" to instruct the pairs where to go to pick up items in a kind of scavenger hunt.  Reward would be immunity and choice of fine Sears brand products.

Tribe Pampers opted to use the Medallion of Power to gain an advantage.

They didn't need it.  The younger tribe wiped the drool off of the older tribe's faces.  I think Tyrone's comment summed it all up when he got tired of trying to get Jimmy T to listen to his instructions:  "Damn, that boy don't listen."

Back at Camp Geriatric Jimmy went into full whine mode, indicating that he needed to play a bigger part in the tribe's failures.

Jill still wants to let Marty make the decisions on who to vote off.  She's starting to get on my nerves.

At Camp Kinder Chase found a clue to the camp immunity idol in the fishing gear they won at reward. He decided to share it with Brenda, who, after much hemming and hawing, decided to fess up that Nay had already found it.

At least he won't have to have NaOnka follow him into the brush and yell at him.

At council Dan came dressed like a Smurf.  It's a good look for him, though.

Probst pushed on why Dan continued to sit out challenges.  Evidently Dan's bad knee won't allow him to participate on muddy or uneven footing.  That's probably going to be a real liability IN THE RAIN FOREST!

Despite a tearful acceptance by Jimmy T that no one wanted him to be the heart and soul of Tribe Elder, they decided they had just about had all they could stand of him. 

Next week:  CBS realizes this isn't working out and the tribes go to a merge!