Survivorfest week 3!!!

Jimmy J is cut!

Fresh from tribal council, Naonka still hates everyone.  The rest of the tribe tried to act nice to each other after the vicious blood-letting at council.  At least you know where you stand with Nay...about a foot closer than you should be.

Jud reveals his game strategy:  Be funny around camp, but add something to that, like his mentality and spirituality, so it isn't just that he's LOL.

I think Camp Kiddie needs to rid themselves of a Kelly so that they don't need to keep referring to one as Kelly Purple and the other as Kelly One-Leg.  Sorry, I think only Naonka does that.  Everyone knows who she's talking about, though.

At Camp Alzheimer the tribe followed the sound of howler monkeys to try to find food.  Jimmy Johnson grunted and hooted at them like a distant cousin.  He got in a nice crack on Terry Bradshaw, too.  Good stuff.

Marty isn't a big fan of Coach Jimmy's. The tribe has even taken to calling him just "Coach".  Not a good sign.  At all.



Jill talked Marty into sharing the hidden immunity idol with the tribe.  He (seemingly reluctantly) did so.  Not sure I understand the point of "sharing" an idol that can only be used by one person and has the most value after the merge.  Guess we'll see how it plays out.

Jimmy T was really happy Marty did this, and thought that it strengthened the tribe.  I guess we cleared up that mystery.

Danny appears to be breaking down.  He has a scar on one knee almost as big as the limp he carries around with it.  I think I saw a smaller scan on his other knee.  With guns like that, I suspect his back is bugging him, too.  He looks like a geriatric version of Hans...or maybe Franz.

The challenge was for immunity and reward combined.  The tribe was to roll out the barrel polka-style and set them up on their ends.  One member would then try to toss sand bags and land them on the barrel end.  First tribe to bag all the barrels would win.

Reward was a basket of fruit, some spices and a mini herb garden.

The young tribe eschewed the use of the Medallion of Power, figuring that they could easily best the grandparents in this physical challenge.

The oldsters started sluggishly, but started tossing just after the younger tribe.  Tyrone went on a tear and gave his tribe an early lead.  He got cold as he tried to hit the barrels that were farther away, however and Benry overtook him.

After missing about twenty in a row, Coach Jimmy pulled him and went to Jimmy T.  Not sure if he thought that Jimmy was a better option or was just tired of him saying, "me, coach, me!  Put me in!  I can do it, I swear!"

Jimmy T hit his first throw, but then ran out of time as Benry finished the challenge.

Kiddies win!

While gathering their booty, differently-abled Kelly noticed an immunity clue hidden with the fruit.  Unfortunately for her, Nay also saw it.  When they made it back to camp, they both went for the clue and had a nice cat fight on the beach.

Survivor is missing out on some serious add-on dollars by not promoting this sort of thing more often.  A little hot oil here, some hair-pulling there, whoops there goes part of a swimsuit and CBS has a DVD that makes it's way into the homes of forty million teenage boys and their creepy uncles.  Just saying.

(At this moment, a CBS drone in the basement of the Black Rock building in New York in charge of monitoring Internet content sits bolt upright in his chair.  He grabs a pen and furiously scribbles some notes on the palm of his pasty-white hand and dashes for a nearby elevator)

Naonka managed to pull the note away from Kelly and stomped off with the clue.

Jud:  "Whuh?  That was an idol clue?  And she had to smush the bananas?"

Nay checked out the clue, which was the same picture puzzle that the oldsters received.  I think the idol is safe for a while.  A drunken lemur has a better chance at decrypting Nazi WWII code than Naonka has at solving this puzzle on her own.

She was smart enough to realize this and went to get help from Brenda.  Ah, now we have a true brain trust.  Brenda's sage advice was to try to figure out the last of the clues, which seemed to indicate a tree, and figure out which tree looked different from the rest.  In the forest.  That has lots of trees.

Naonka was less than apologetic for pushing aside Hopalong Kelly.

"You think one leg gonna stop me?  Next time I'll push you so hard that damn leg will fly off!"  I suspect Nay has successfully managed to avoid being tabbed as a keynote speaker for any Disabled Veterans events in the near future.

She did enlighten us to the difference between "hood" and "ghetto".  Evidently what she did was "hood".  If she had stood over Kelly afterward, snapped her fingers and mocked her, it would have been "ghetto".  I think it's important that we know about these things.

And I think she's still wearing Jud's spare pair of socks.  That's ghetto, yo.

Back at Camp Oldie-Not-So-Goodie Jimmy T makes a public announcement as to his awesomeness.  "I got mad skills, Coach!  I'm bein' wasted sittin' on the bench, here!"  As opposed to sitting on the bench getting wasted, I surmise.  I wonder if that would be hood or ghetto?

Marty wants Coach out.  My wife wondered aloud whether Jimmy had cut him at some point in his life.  Worth investigating.

Jill doesn't want to think about who to vote off and tells Marty to tell her what to do.  He'll have to do the thinking for both of them.  How very Casablanca.

Both Tyrone and Jimmy T seem to like to refer to themselves in the third person.  I think Tyrones are allowed to do this, but I am not sure Jimmys are.  I'll try to look that up later.

Marty thinks that voting off Coach will "shake the tribe to its core".  And then he proceeded to talk to everyone about voting Coach off.  If it's not a surprise, and the vote is a majority, will it really shake the tribe to its core?

At council Probst probably put the final nails in Coach Jimmy's coffin when he made the whole council all about the wonderful-ness that is the famous Coach Jimmy Johnson.  In fact, he insisted on using his full name like it was a one-word title:  JimmyJohnson!  You could just see it getting on people's nerves.

I am quite certain that more than one person resolved to vote Jimmy off so that he could talk about it ad nauseam on the Fox pre-game show before any of them got voted off.  I've been watching the CBS pre-game show just to avoid it myself.

The votes went in, and Jimmy didn't make the team.

Next week we'll find out how much Naonka hates people in wheelchairs on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 2!

Shannon is out!  Let the blindsiding begin!

Fresh from tribal council Hollie is feeling on the outs since she more or less had an alliance with the hapless Wendy.  Seems kind of early for that, doesn't it?

Jill decided to pick up some protein by eating snails.  Hollie decided that she looked a bit loopy, so the snails must be poisonous.  She got irritated when Jill wasn't, in fact, poisoned and took them away, storming off.  Jill went back to tell the group, who decided she might be a little wacky.

She noticed that Dan appeared to be laughing at her, so she plotted vengeance in the form of stealing his $1600 alligator shoes.  Dude brings a $1600 pair of dress shoes to an island and thinks she's crazy!?!

Hollie filled the shoes with sand and deposited them in the ocean.  After Dan freaked out about someone stealing his shoes, she realized how loopy it was and fessed up to the tribe.

Tyrone broke the ice on this season's Survivorfest Hall of Fame Quote:  ""I'm gonna keep one eye on her and one on my shoes!"

Hollie told the tribe that she wanted to be upfront and honest because that's how she really was.  You know, after backstabbing her first alliance mate, walking off with someone's lunch and then stealing a pair of shoes.  All within the first, what, 48 hours?  I think even Russell would be proud of that.

Evidently Sash (who I mentioned in my pre-season bio profile was not gay) is bi-racial.  He expressed interested in having an all-minority final vote.  Down with whitey!  Is it racially insensitive for me to say that?  I'm white, but it feels wrong.  Not sure what the etiquette is here.

Over at Camp Kiddie, Naonka was having some footwear issues of her own.  Unable to find one of her socks, she accused "someone" of stealing it.  Who on earth would steal one sock?  Of course I have some theories:

Chase - because he might need something resembling a condom for his island date with Brenda
Jud - because he seems like he is really into sock puppets
Kelly B - Because - duh! - she only needs one sock!

Unable to determine the culprit, Nay decided it would be a good idea to steal someone else's socks.  She chose Jud's because she didn't like him and that is almost always a good enough reason to take something that doesn't belong to you.

Jud was thoroughly confused as to where his spare pair of socks went.  When someone told him that Nay was wearing them he said "Is she?  That really makes me mad!"  If someone told me at this point that Erik the ice cream scooper got plastic surgery to change his appearance so that he could get back on the show I would not be surprised.

When he walked over to confront her, she jumped down his throat before he had a chance to say anything, effectively confusing him and putting him on the defensive.  Well done!  Bullying 101.

Hollie took Jimmie aside and confessed that she might be losing it and that she thought maybe she should leave the game.  Jimmie, acting as tribe psychologist, got her head back on straight and sent her back with a better attitude.

At the immunity challenge, Camp Kiddie came in with some kind of Nazi march.  I'm kind of looking forward to seeing what they do for next week's challenge.  Maybe cartwheels?

The challenge was to find four balls hidden in hay piles, and then flip the balls to partners to deposit in a barrel.  First to four balls in the barrel won immunity and reward of a tarp or fishing supplies.

Team Alzheimer elected to use the Medallion of Power, which took away one of their balls.

The teams started out pretty evenly until Hollie had trouble finding her ball.  This gave the younger tribe a head start on the ball passing portion and they took a quick 2-0 lead.  Benry then missed three consecutive short tosses in a row, allowing the older tribe to complete the challenge.

The oldsters elected to take the fishing supplies and the kiddies went back to camp to prepare for tribal council.

The tribe seemed split into two factions:  anti - Shannon and anti - Brenda. Shannon was aware of Chase's interest in Brenda and effectively told him "bros before ho's".

Chase, confused, went running to Brenda to ask her where the hose was.  Brenda easily manipulated him:  "so why do you need Shannon?"

"Um, I don't."

"So why do you hate me so much you want to kill me?"

"Um, no, I think you're neat..."

"So you want to see me voted off because you need Shannon to make you a real man?"

"No!  I don't need Shannon...he's outta here!"

Or something like that.

At Camp Oldster they found a hidden immunity idol in the fishing gear.  The tribe quickly figured out most of the clues.  Jill came up with the last one, and told Marty.  Marty, Don and Jill searched until they found it.  Marty owners get points for finding the hidden immunity idol!

I must say, this tribal council was the most entertaining I have ever seen.  The only thing that would've made it more tense would have been a knife fight.

Shannon almost immediately called Chase out for aligning with Brenda.  Chase said he really didn't like Shannon that much anyway.  Shannon got really irate.

Jud:  "Shannon, don't make enemies, man."
Shannon:  "Fabio, you idiot, they're going to try to vote me off!"

Probst actually tried to settle things down a little, but there was too much gasoline on the fire.



Sash said something to further irritate Shannon and he replied with "Let's get this out there...are you gay?"

He then went on a rant about all the gay people in New York.  I have to stop here and say how ironic it is for a homophobe to be named Shannon.  Just saying.

At that point the kid gloves were off and Naoka wanted to get it on with Jud:  "Fabio over there thinks I'm dumb or something!"

Jud (trying very hard not to think):  "What?"

This is the first council where I heard someone actually begging Probst to let them get to the vote.  Good stuff.

The votes went in, and Shannon's wild rant cost his a few votes from his fragile alliance.

Next week:  Does anyone in Camp Kiddie like anyone else?  No, they don't!  I can't wait to see who drags who off into the jungle for a well-deserved beating.

Next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest 7 - week 1!

Wendy's husband was right...she can't cut it.

Welcome to another season of Survivorfest!  We have a pool of 25 entries this season which is a great turn-out considering how late I started on the entry stuff.

On to the game!

An early split of the teams to find the "Medallion of Power" (last seen being worn by He-Man, Master of the Universe) resulted in Brenda climbing a tree and pulling down the ugly piece of bling.

At that point Probst told them the real way the teams would be split up was by age.  Brenda was given the choice to keep the MOP (which would provide an advantage at a challenge) or trade it for camp supplies.  The other tribe would get what she didn't choose.

Tribe Diapers chose to keep the supplies and give up the MOP to the older tribe.

Buffs were passed out and Jimmy J began complaining about his hair.  I think that was at about the 15 minute mark.  Dang, I think the Vegas over/under was at ten.

The tribes headed back to their camps.

At Camp Diaper...wait I used that one already.  At camp Fogy we learn that Jame was sandbagging on her bio.  Unlike most contestants, she had been preparing for Survivor by learning to start fires using a pair of reading glasses ala Yau-Man.  I immediately regret choosing her as a Lovable Loser.

Jimmy J spent most of his time playing the social game, but ended up wearing himself out.  He spent the night yacking his guts up and the morning complaining about how unpleasant it was.

At Camp Kiddie the tribe went through the contents of the camp gear.  Jud, who appears to be true to his bio, looked like he wanted to play in the box.  This guy appears to be Erik-the-ice-cream-guy stupid.  I am legitimately excited.

In the first ten minutes at camp Jud managed to spike his own foot and be attacked by a half inch crab.  His camp nickname is "Fabio".  Word around Camp Kiddie is that Fabio was some kind of opera singer.

First blur that I detected was Sash in his yellow drawers.  Shannon and Chase received blurs right after as they went into the jungle to pump each other up.

Kelly B is missing most of her right leg.  The rest of the tribe, concerned about what that could mean come tribal council, immediately painted a target on her back.  I'm always amused at how concerned everyone is about how tough someone would be to beat in the final council when only three people will be remaining.  I would think they should worry about the long odds of getting there, first.

Kelly came clean about her leg.  She called the tribe together and pulled down her pants.  She then said, and I am not making this up, "Now I'm excited!"  I would have bet any amount of money that any of the men of the tribe would've said that first.

It turns out Brenda used to be a cheerleader for the Dolphins.  Not really relevant, I guess but again, something you'd expect to see on the bio, isn't it?  If I ever make it onto Survivor you all can be damn sure there's going to be a shout-out to Cousin Willie.  Plus the time I saw Carl Weathers in my shower.  But that's a story for another time.

Kelly B and Alina received a clue to a hidden immunity idol when they went to get tree mail.  There didn't seem to be a similar clue at Camp Fogy.  Not sure why.  They elected to keep the clue to themselves.

Alina was concerned that this would align the two of them.  Since Kelly B now had the don't-let-her-get-to-the-final-vote target on her back, she was concerned to be stuck with her.

At the challenge, Tribe Diaper came in doing some weird dance line thing.  Very odd, even in a middle-school awkward kind of way.

The challenge was to route water poured from buckets into a tub that, when filled, would drop a net full of puzzle pieces.  First tribe to complete the puzzle would avoid tribal council.

Since Tribe Fogy had the Medallion of Power, they had an opportunity to get a one bucket head start on the challenge.  They elected to save the MOP for another challenge.

Tribe Diaper completed the bucket filling stage just ahead of Tribe Fogy.

Probst:  "The older tribe has a great flow going!"  That's something you don't hear too often.  (urinary incontinence joke:  check).

Tribe Diaper completed the puzzle first.  Youth prevailed!  (campy throw out line:  check)

Back at camp the oldsters had to determine who would be the weakest link to cast out.

Jimmy T seems like he might just be a little bit crazy.  Not weird old man who wears plaid slacks, crazy.  We're talking full-on danger to surrounding onlookers crazy.

Wendy and Jimmy J seem to be the most likely to go. 

Wendy can't decide whether she's nervous or concerned.  She actually spent several minutes articulating this.  Enough, vote her off already!

At council, Wendy complained that no one took the time to get to know her.  "No one even asked how old I am!"

To which Tyrone replied "Never ask a woman her age, fool!"  It's only the first episode but I have to admit that Tyrone is my early favorite from a Survivorfest blog perspective.  Jud will be fun to laugh at, but Tyrone is poised to dump some serious bad-ass life advice on us.  It would be prudent for us to listen and learn.


Probst tried to send them all to the vote, but Wendy wanted to say a few things.  Might as well get 'em in while you can honey, cause they won't have any time at the reunion show for you.

The vote went in and Wendy went out.  The lone dissent was Wendy's cast away vote for Yve.

Next week, things heat up in each tribe and someone loses their shoes!

See you next time on...Survivorfest!