Survivorfest week 9!

Courtney slips between the cracks!

Fresh from tribal council, Sandra gloated about the blindside of Coach.  She was quite proud of herself for fooling Russell, although I'm not sure it counted since Russell didn't actually vote for Coach.

Danielle promised Geri that she was safe, although she didn't let her in on the plan to blindside Coach.  Never a good sign.  "Trust me, but I don't trust you enough to let you know what's going on."

Russell wants Sandra or Courtney out next.  Who doesn't?  There should be a Survivor rule that if you're forced to sit out every challenge you should get sent home.  Maybe I'll add a Survivorfest rule where you lose one point every time your person sits out a challenge.

Tree mail was unusually informative, indicating that the immunity challenge would be an endurance challenge between pairs.  The first tribe to lose three pair challenges would be the loser.

Each team had to match up their strongest pole-hanger against the other tribe.  Everyone seemed to feel like the women have an advantage in this challenge because they're lighter and have smaller feet.  With that strategy in mind, the Villains elected to sit out Russell.

Rupert thinks he's the strongest of the Heroes.  JT, who won the event on his last Survivor trip, agreed to take second fiddle.

Before the challenge Probst announced that Coach was voted off the night before.  This confirmed the Heroes' suspicions that the Villains were controlled by an all-female alliance.

As they started the challenge, Probst mentioned that this was Amanda's 100th day on a Survivor season; a new record.  Parvarti's 100th would come the next day.  Not sure if that is an honor or a sign that they need to get different people signed up for Favorites seasons.

Courtney's boy-brief underwear is actually starting to fall off of her.  I'm not sure how much skinnier she can get.

JT kept giving Russell the head nod, wink and the "stay strong" thing.  Russell still can't believe his good fortune.

Colby was the first out, making Geri the winner and giving Villains a 1-0 lead.

Sandra and Rupert were locked up.  Geri yelled out "C'mon Sandra, you popped out two babies...this is nothin'!"

Rupert was so dispirited by this that he dropped out, giving the Villains a 2-0 lead.  So much for being the strongest.  The weight and small feet thing appears to be holding water.

Danielle appeared to be asleep.  I honestly think she might have been able to nap through the entire challenge.

Amanda soon dropped out, making Courtney the winner and giving the Villains the win.  Of all the remaining women, I suspect Amanda had the biggest feet.  This reminded me of one other challenge that Courtney excelled at.  Sitting on a balanced oil drum.  She weighed so little that she just hung on while everyone else killed themselves trying to stay steady.

The Villains' reward was a special feast hosted by Outback Steakhouse.  They even sprung for two cabana boys from Philly to serve the food.

The girls all started out the feast eating a salad. Really?  Are you watching your figures?  Is that fatty ol' steak going to mess up the diet?

Parvarti opened her napkin and a hidden idol clue popped out.  She was able to secret it in her underwear before anyone saw it.  She announced she had to go pee so that she could read it.

Because women can't go to the restroom alone, even on Survivor, Danielle went with her.  She chose to share the contents of the note with her.  It read:

Dear Parvarti,


I think ur neat!  After you win the million bucks do you think you'd go out with me?


Your biggest fan, 


Cabana boy #2

P.S. Don't trust Russell!

Okay, it really was a hidden idol clue.  They decided to hide the note in Danielle's boobs.  I have nothing to add to that.

Okay, you know me better than that.  Her shirt was so tight that I'm pretty sure that Russell could read the note through her blouse.  There.  I feel better now.

Parvarti and Danielle got up bright and early the next morning and took a nice morning walk.  With a shovel.   Using the clue they quickly found the idol.  Parvarti found it, so she is awarded 5 points.

Parvarti decided to not tell Russell about the idol.  "He thinks he's the king, but I'm the queen.  Usually the king does what the queen says, right?"  As long as it doesn't interfere with his adultery, yes.

Back at Hero camp, JT unveiled his master plan:  At the immunity challenge he would somehow sneak the hidden idol to Russell to help him break the women's alliance.  If necessary he would employ the old "hey, y'all...look over there!" move.

To her credit, Amanda had doubts about whether this was a good plan.  Not to her credit, she did nothing and let it all unfold.  Hey, you don't make it through 100 days of Survivor and not win anything without not doing something!  Wait...yeah, that's right.

JT sat down and wrote Russell a letter.  It was pretty comical.  To summarize:

Dear Russell,


This is JT.  The few times we shook hands and exchanged meaningful glances has told me that I can trust you with all my heart.  Please take this idol and use it to blind side the evil witch queen Parvarti.  Thou shalt present the idol at council to the Probst precisely before the votes are announced.  Thou shalt not present the idol before the votes.  Thou shalt not present the idol after the votes are read.  Thou shalt not wait until you are sharing drinks with Tom and James at the Loser Bar to present the idol....you get the picture.


With deepest admiration and hoping that you are truly a hero at heart,


JT

P.S. Don't trust Parvarti!

The immunity challenge was a water obstacle course where pairs of contestants would drag bags of puzzle pieces through the course to the end, where a puzzle would be assembled.

While on the platform, JT kept staring down Russell like a desperate teenager looks at the prom queen.  If I were Russell, I'd blush.

While Russell, the anchor, waited for his turn, Colby told him that JT had a special surprise for him. Russell could barely contain himself.  He played it to the hilt, assuring Colby that Parvarti was in charge of the whole thing and he was desperately clinging by his fingernails.

This challenge was over with awfully quick.  By the time the Villains got to Courtney, who labored mightily under the weight of the wet bag, the Heroes already had a substantial lead.  Even Boston Rob couldn't have saved them.

Heroes win immunity!

During the congratulations JT slipped the idol to Russell without anyone noticing.

At Hero camp JT couldn't be happier:  "We just made Survivor history!"

Rupert added:  "Russell's probably beaming with excitement!  He's probably having trouble containing himself!"

True dat.  At Villain camp, Russell gave the note to Parvarti to read and they spent the morning laughing about it.  It was just like the prom queen reading aloud poetry written by the quiet, awkward boy who wanted nothing more than to adore her.  Sad, really.

Parvarti:  "JT gave Russell his heart today, and Russell's gonna stab it like a thousand times and then give it to me and I'm gonna eat it!"

Sandra and Courtney know they're on the outs.  Sandra:  "I'm gonna miss Courtney.  Me without Courtney is like rice without beans!"

The original plan for the alliance was to vote Courtney out, but that was too straightforward.  CBS had to add a bunch of diced up footage to make it look like they were going to change their minds and vote off Sandra.

Most telling, when Courtney asked Parvarti how the vote was going to go that night she replied:  "Ummm...I don't know..."  As I've mentioned before, if you ask someone who they're voting for and they claim they don't know...it's you.

At jury we get our first view of Coach.  He's broken out his jury kimono.  I wonder if he packed it thinking how spectacular he would look in it after getting voted out late in the game.

Probst asked Danielle to explain why she didn't trust Sandra.  And then picked apart her rationale and made her look like an idiot.

Geri tried to distance herself from the Boston Rob alliance, but Courtney called her on it.

It was immaterial as Courtney was voted out.  She smiled and said "good luck, bitches!"  I don't think I've ever heard that phrase meant to be well-meaning before.

Next week, we have merge!  Will JT learn that Russell is not to be trusted?  Will the Villains regret leaving Sandra around to confound their plans?  Find out next week on...Survivorfest!