Survivorfest week 11!

Amanda goes down for the first time in three seasons!

Fresh from blind-siding JT at tribal council, the remaining players returned to camp, half of them still reeling from the busy night of surprises.

Everyone was giving huge props to Parvarti for her crazy idol play.  Russell wasn't happy because he wasn't involved and wasn't sure he was even in control of the game any longer.

Rupert realized that for the Heroes to have a chance he would have to make a play for Sandra.  Russell, concerned that Sandra would flip, started working on Candice.

The reward challenge was Survivor Shuffleboard.  The teams were divided into three random groups, each with two pucks to slide.  Closest to the "X" would win reward for the team.

Sandra showed us why she shouldn't still be in the game with her typically pitiful performance.  I think she was the only one to zing her puck off of the side.  As early in the game as it was, I don't think she was trying to knock anyone off.  Her second toss was off to the side, adding no value whatsoever.  It's almost like she's trying to lose.

One puck sat next to the edge of the "X" until Colby took the last shot of the challenge and dropped it right on the bulls eye to win reward for himself, Danielle and Amanda.

The reward was a trip to the estate of Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island, Kidnapped and Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde.  The author lived his last few years in Samoa and was buried there.  Hopefully after he was dead.

He was likely laid in state on the very bed that Amanda, Danielle and Colby were lying on in their nasty old camp clothes and eating popcorn while watching a movie.  I suspect the late Mr. Stevenson was spinning in whatever Samoan grave they chucked him in.

At the very least, I suspect the phones at the Robert Louis Stevenson Appreciation Society are lighting up like Christmas right now.

I did a quick bit of research...Stevenson, in fact, died on the island shortly after straining to open a bottle of wine at the age of 44.  I'd always heard that alcohol could kill you but that's ridiculous!

While chomping on popcorn and watching the black and white (!) version of the movie on the late Mr. Robert Louis Stevenson's flat screen television, Danielle spied a hidden idol note under the kernel duds.  She quickly slid it out and onto the floor beside her.

Amanda, who had no interest in the move spotted her acting strangely and decided to go over and sit right on top of her.  She spied the clue on the floor next to Danielle's side of the bed and grabbed it, starting a wonderfully entertaining wrestling match between Amanda and Danielle.

At this point I suspect the ghost of Mr. Robert Louis Stevenson either spun even more wildly in his grave, or became a little intrigued...Oh, come on!  You can't tell me that I guy who dresses up like this as a seven-year-old isn't at least a little kinky!  He's got a whip and is wearing a dress for Pete's sake!

Anyway, all the commotion caused Colby to (reluctantly) turn off the movie and break up the fight.  He told Amanda that the clue was Danielle's and that she should give it back.  I'm a little disappointed with Colby. I know more than a few fellows who would have suggested something a little more interesting about how to settle the dispute.  Of course, I sometimes hang with rough and vulgar crowds.

Back at camp, Danielle had a different version of the story to tell.  In her version Amanda was half crazed with blood lust and she had to "rip the clue out of her hands".

Rain had returned to Samoa.  While the rest of the tribe huddled under shelter, Danielle and Russell searched for the idol.  Russell found it in about six seconds and quietly stuffed it in his shorts.  I suspect Danielle won't be too happy later when she realized that he let her look for it in vain in a monsoon for quite some time after that.

Russell was only too happy to call this payback for Parvarti not telling him about the other idol that she had found.  Which Danielle also knew about.

Russell, who can't bear to find an idol without telling somebody, went to Candice and used it to try to swing her.  Candice, who still seemed on the outs with the heroes from back in the Tom-alliance days, was interested.

In the meantime, Sandra told Colby she would flip to the heroes.  She was tired of Russell and knew they had no interest in taking her much further in the game.

The Immunity Challenge was a tile stacking game.  The first to reach the ten foot mark would win.

I immediately predicted that Russell and Sandra would fail miserably.  Not much of a reach in Sandra's case.

I turned out to be in error with my Russell guess.  He came very close to reaching the ten foot mark first, but Jerri was able to eek out a win.  Impressive because she almost lost her tower at the eight-foot mark.

Back at camp Russell has his eyes set on Amanda.  He claimed she was like "Boston Rob in a girl's body".  Really?  Except maybe for the leadership skills, ability to win challenges and personality. 

Sandra and the heroes agreed to vote out Parvarti.  When Candice got word, she rolled over on Sandra and told the Villains.  Russell confronted Sandra with Candice close behind to hear what they had to say.

The Heroes weren't willing to believe that Candice had flipped.  Colby went as far as to say "if Parvarti doesn't go home, we all know it's Candice's fault!"

Candice and Sandra had a long chat right before council to try to settle on what was going to happen that evening.

At council, Danielle is sporting some interesting writing on her arm:  "I (heart) you punkin butt"

Possible hidden meanings?  Of course I have them!

Danielle is a long-time fan of Linus and the Great Pumpkin
It was a shout out to punk rock great Johnny Rotten
The ghost of Robert Louis Stevenson told her to do it
I have nothing further to say about this link.

During council, there weren't many surprises.  Russell admitted that Sandra was pretty much along for the ride until they didn't need her any more.

Coach went from dressing in his kimono to a more urban look.  Maybe it was the rain.

Russell opted to play the idol.  It seemed like a stretch, but one thing you might remember about Russell from last season is that he never wanted to get sent home with an immunity idol in his pocket.

It was a bad sign for his idol play when, while surprised that he had it, none of the Heroes winced or made any faces.  A sure sign that they didn't vote for Russell that night.

The votes were tallied and Amanda was voted out for the first time in three seasons.  All other seasons she made it to the final three. 

In reviewing the voting, Sandra obviously knew that Candice had decided to flip so she stuck with the Villain alliance and voted out Amanda as well.

Next week, can the Villains keep their alliance together long enough to finish off the remaining Heroes?  What will Coach wear next?  What will Samoa have to do to clean the bedsheets of Robert Louis Stevenson?

Find out next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 10!

JT is knocked out in what must go down as the greatest Survivor blindside in history!

Fresh from voting off Courtney the night before, Russell and Parvarti mapped out a plan of how to explain how both of them were still around after Russell supposedly used JT's idol to oust Parv the night before.  It involved Parvarti having a second idol which she also played.  Seemed fairly implausible to me.

It's merge time on Survivor as the tribes joined up at the Hero camp.  They received a chest full of items, including new buffs, fruit and a large hock of ham.  Which might have actually been what's left of Randy.  Hard to say.

As the hero tribe saw the Villains approach on the beach, JT said "Is that Parvarti?  I see Russell...She must've had another idol to play!"  Awwww.

Parvarti was grouchy when no one seemed happy to see her. "I'm offended how the Heroes are treating me!"  How often do you hear that line?

JT was completely and utterly hooked by Russell's story.  Russell couldn't get his fabricated story out fast enough because Rupert and JT kept filling in the blanks for him.

Sandra managed to grab a few seconds with Rupert later and warned him that Russell was in charge of the whole tribe with Parvarti as his "right hand man".  No wonder she was grouchy.  Who knows what goes on with Russell and his right hand?

Rupert now seemed suspicious, but the enamored JT doesn't seem even remotely swayed.  Rupert offered up a plan where they juke and vote out Jerri or Sandra, just in case Russell was lying.  Smart move.  Rupert hasn't added much in this game, but he appears to have good people sense.  If he was able to win at any type of challenge he might be dangerous.

He noticed that Russell "swore on his kid's lives" that he was with the Hero alliance.  As I've mentioned before, an easy way to spot a habitual liar is to look for people who always assume that people think they're lying (and feel compelled to make grand oaths) or get really, really irritated when someone suspects they're not forthright.  Note, this doesn't always work for pathological liars or politicians.  That last statement may, in fact, be redundant.

Amanda and Parvarti tried to mend fences.  I had them pegged for best buds in my pre-Survivorfest analysis since they've been in two seasons together.  I guess when a million dollars comes between you, things never go back to normal.

Amanda promised to tell Parv who the Heroes were voting for and Parv fessed up to having a hidden idol.

The immunity challenge was another endurance challenge.  Again?  Didn't we do this two weeks ago?  This was a little different since the players had to hang onto long poles with small ridges cut into them.  Paging Doctor Freud...Doctor Freud...Yes, I know.  Sometimes bikini-clad women clinging desperately to a long pole are just bikini-clad women clinging desperately to a long pole.

It played out similarly to the last one:  Sandra and Colby went out first.  Russell next, followed by Rupert and then Amanda.

JT followed, leaving only women, and then Jerri.

At an hour and 35 minutes Candice decided to drop out because it looked like the other girls were going to stick around for a while.  Not much heart.  Might be that seeing Danielle taking a nap on her pole and Parvarti doing calisthenics was disheartening.

Parv asked Danielle if she was going to drop out.  Danielle whispered that she wanted to win since Parv had an immunity idol of her own.  Parv gave up at that point, making Danielle the winner of immunity and 2 points!

At this point JT was suspicious.  If Parvarti went out after staying in that long and being in everyone's sites for getting voted out, she might just have an idol.

Back at camp, Russell gave his idol to Parvarti.  This is the second time that he gave his hidden idol to someone else.  I'm not sure why he didn't wait until after the tribe voted like last time.  That would have given him a good feel about how the vote went and everyone would have been on to him anyway.

Amanda and Parv talked some more.  Amanda suggested that Parvarti was safe but...she might want to play the idol anyway.  Amanda is a terrible liar. Parvarti knew at that point that everyone knew she had the idol and that they were hoping she would play it at council.

At tribal council Coach looked somewhat irritated to be sharing the jury with Courtney.

Rupert re-explained the banana etiquette since James wasn't there to do it.

Russell said that this vote would be the turning point of the game for one tribe.  It was "the most important vote I've ever been in."

JT shared that he thought his name would be written down since no one spoke to him all day at camp.  Parvarti chimed in that no one was speaking to her, either:  "I feel like a leopard!" Okay, maybe she said leper.

Probst wondered if it was because she was used to being the center of attention.

Candice had "I (heart) John" painted on her arm.  Potential Johns:

Lennon
Saint/Baptist
Adams
Candy
Cleese
Doe
Wilkes Booth

Sandra had a "1/2 my heart is in Afghanistan" shirt.  I wonder where she keeps the rest of it.

The votes were cast and Probst asked if anyone had the idol.  Everyone looked expectantly at Parvarti who didn't disappoint.  She gave one idol to Sandra and the other to Jerri. 

A brilliant move as the entire Hero tribe voted for Jerri.  The Villains voted for JT, sending him home with a shell-shocked look.

Next week...aw, who am I kidding?  I can't get over this week!  How can they top this?  Find out next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 9!

Courtney slips between the cracks!

Fresh from tribal council, Sandra gloated about the blindside of Coach.  She was quite proud of herself for fooling Russell, although I'm not sure it counted since Russell didn't actually vote for Coach.

Danielle promised Geri that she was safe, although she didn't let her in on the plan to blindside Coach.  Never a good sign.  "Trust me, but I don't trust you enough to let you know what's going on."

Russell wants Sandra or Courtney out next.  Who doesn't?  There should be a Survivor rule that if you're forced to sit out every challenge you should get sent home.  Maybe I'll add a Survivorfest rule where you lose one point every time your person sits out a challenge.

Tree mail was unusually informative, indicating that the immunity challenge would be an endurance challenge between pairs.  The first tribe to lose three pair challenges would be the loser.

Each team had to match up their strongest pole-hanger against the other tribe.  Everyone seemed to feel like the women have an advantage in this challenge because they're lighter and have smaller feet.  With that strategy in mind, the Villains elected to sit out Russell.

Rupert thinks he's the strongest of the Heroes.  JT, who won the event on his last Survivor trip, agreed to take second fiddle.

Before the challenge Probst announced that Coach was voted off the night before.  This confirmed the Heroes' suspicions that the Villains were controlled by an all-female alliance.

As they started the challenge, Probst mentioned that this was Amanda's 100th day on a Survivor season; a new record.  Parvarti's 100th would come the next day.  Not sure if that is an honor or a sign that they need to get different people signed up for Favorites seasons.

Courtney's boy-brief underwear is actually starting to fall off of her.  I'm not sure how much skinnier she can get.

JT kept giving Russell the head nod, wink and the "stay strong" thing.  Russell still can't believe his good fortune.

Colby was the first out, making Geri the winner and giving Villains a 1-0 lead.

Sandra and Rupert were locked up.  Geri yelled out "C'mon Sandra, you popped out two babies...this is nothin'!"

Rupert was so dispirited by this that he dropped out, giving the Villains a 2-0 lead.  So much for being the strongest.  The weight and small feet thing appears to be holding water.

Danielle appeared to be asleep.  I honestly think she might have been able to nap through the entire challenge.

Amanda soon dropped out, making Courtney the winner and giving the Villains the win.  Of all the remaining women, I suspect Amanda had the biggest feet.  This reminded me of one other challenge that Courtney excelled at.  Sitting on a balanced oil drum.  She weighed so little that she just hung on while everyone else killed themselves trying to stay steady.

The Villains' reward was a special feast hosted by Outback Steakhouse.  They even sprung for two cabana boys from Philly to serve the food.

The girls all started out the feast eating a salad. Really?  Are you watching your figures?  Is that fatty ol' steak going to mess up the diet?

Parvarti opened her napkin and a hidden idol clue popped out.  She was able to secret it in her underwear before anyone saw it.  She announced she had to go pee so that she could read it.

Because women can't go to the restroom alone, even on Survivor, Danielle went with her.  She chose to share the contents of the note with her.  It read:

Dear Parvarti,


I think ur neat!  After you win the million bucks do you think you'd go out with me?


Your biggest fan, 


Cabana boy #2

P.S. Don't trust Russell!

Okay, it really was a hidden idol clue.  They decided to hide the note in Danielle's boobs.  I have nothing to add to that.

Okay, you know me better than that.  Her shirt was so tight that I'm pretty sure that Russell could read the note through her blouse.  There.  I feel better now.

Parvarti and Danielle got up bright and early the next morning and took a nice morning walk.  With a shovel.   Using the clue they quickly found the idol.  Parvarti found it, so she is awarded 5 points.

Parvarti decided to not tell Russell about the idol.  "He thinks he's the king, but I'm the queen.  Usually the king does what the queen says, right?"  As long as it doesn't interfere with his adultery, yes.

Back at Hero camp, JT unveiled his master plan:  At the immunity challenge he would somehow sneak the hidden idol to Russell to help him break the women's alliance.  If necessary he would employ the old "hey, y'all...look over there!" move.

To her credit, Amanda had doubts about whether this was a good plan.  Not to her credit, she did nothing and let it all unfold.  Hey, you don't make it through 100 days of Survivor and not win anything without not doing something!  Wait...yeah, that's right.

JT sat down and wrote Russell a letter.  It was pretty comical.  To summarize:

Dear Russell,


This is JT.  The few times we shook hands and exchanged meaningful glances has told me that I can trust you with all my heart.  Please take this idol and use it to blind side the evil witch queen Parvarti.  Thou shalt present the idol at council to the Probst precisely before the votes are announced.  Thou shalt not present the idol before the votes.  Thou shalt not present the idol after the votes are read.  Thou shalt not wait until you are sharing drinks with Tom and James at the Loser Bar to present the idol....you get the picture.


With deepest admiration and hoping that you are truly a hero at heart,


JT

P.S. Don't trust Parvarti!

The immunity challenge was a water obstacle course where pairs of contestants would drag bags of puzzle pieces through the course to the end, where a puzzle would be assembled.

While on the platform, JT kept staring down Russell like a desperate teenager looks at the prom queen.  If I were Russell, I'd blush.

While Russell, the anchor, waited for his turn, Colby told him that JT had a special surprise for him. Russell could barely contain himself.  He played it to the hilt, assuring Colby that Parvarti was in charge of the whole thing and he was desperately clinging by his fingernails.

This challenge was over with awfully quick.  By the time the Villains got to Courtney, who labored mightily under the weight of the wet bag, the Heroes already had a substantial lead.  Even Boston Rob couldn't have saved them.

Heroes win immunity!

During the congratulations JT slipped the idol to Russell without anyone noticing.

At Hero camp JT couldn't be happier:  "We just made Survivor history!"

Rupert added:  "Russell's probably beaming with excitement!  He's probably having trouble containing himself!"

True dat.  At Villain camp, Russell gave the note to Parvarti to read and they spent the morning laughing about it.  It was just like the prom queen reading aloud poetry written by the quiet, awkward boy who wanted nothing more than to adore her.  Sad, really.

Parvarti:  "JT gave Russell his heart today, and Russell's gonna stab it like a thousand times and then give it to me and I'm gonna eat it!"

Sandra and Courtney know they're on the outs.  Sandra:  "I'm gonna miss Courtney.  Me without Courtney is like rice without beans!"

The original plan for the alliance was to vote Courtney out, but that was too straightforward.  CBS had to add a bunch of diced up footage to make it look like they were going to change their minds and vote off Sandra.

Most telling, when Courtney asked Parvarti how the vote was going to go that night she replied:  "Ummm...I don't know..."  As I've mentioned before, if you ask someone who they're voting for and they claim they don't know...it's you.

At jury we get our first view of Coach.  He's broken out his jury kimono.  I wonder if he packed it thinking how spectacular he would look in it after getting voted out late in the game.

Probst asked Danielle to explain why she didn't trust Sandra.  And then picked apart her rationale and made her look like an idiot.

Geri tried to distance herself from the Boston Rob alliance, but Courtney called her on it.

It was immaterial as Courtney was voted out.  She smiled and said "good luck, bitches!"  I don't think I've ever heard that phrase meant to be well-meaning before.

Next week, we have merge!  Will JT learn that Russell is not to be trusted?  Will the Villains regret leaving Sandra around to confound their plans?  Find out next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest - week 8!

Coach is blindsided as the Villains continue to disintegrate.

Fresh from the blindside of Boston Rob the Villains returned to camp, buoyed by the gloating Russell.  I think we have a new Dragonslayer, folks.

Coach wasn't too happy:  "Russell is a bully!"

Gerri seemed to regret getting rid of Rob.  Coach, who didn't want to get rid of him at all was none too pleased to hear that she had regrets about fifteen minutes after she ousted him.  Gerri seems to be floating through this game without a clue of what she's doing or why she's doing it.  I can't see her making it to the final three.

Coach wondered aloud whether he should be making a play to get rid of Russell.  Gerri wanted to "wait and see."  See what I mean?

At Hero camp JT found himself kind of sort of looking for the idol using the clue the group got at reward challenge.

He managed to find it and was beginning to figure out where he should hide it when Amanda found him.  Then along came Candace.  JT figured the jig was up so he brought it back to camp.  Hidden idol points for JT!

Amanda and Candace weren't fooled.  They knew they busted him.

Candace:  "JT is the slimiest guy out here."

Evidently the big meal on the island is hermit crab.  I don't recall seeing "edible" listed as a feature for those at the pet store.  Of course they don't list that for puppies, but I suspect they're tasty, too.

The tribes met for the next challenge. Probst announced that Boston Rob had been voted off at the last tribal council.  He asked Rupert what his reaction was to that.  Rupert indicated that he thought that an all-women alliance was working its way through the Villain tribe.

JT mouthed to Russell "hang in there!"  You could just see the wheels turning in Russell's head.

The Villains assumed that the merge was about to happen so they dragged all their tools and gear along with them.  The Heroes had not made the assumption.

Russell hinted that they were smarter for making that leap and being prepared.

Turned out the merge was not taking place after all.  The feast of pizza and soda would go to the winner of the reward challenge, which was a Survivor bowling match.

The Villains had to sit two people.  Coach stepped up to lead the decision:  "I want to win this feast!"  They argued briefly that, since Courtney and Sandra would have to sit out the immunity challenge if they skipped the reward challenge, they should participate in this one.  No one else stepped up to make the call.  Coach, adding that Parv and Danielle had indicated they were good bowlers, had Sandra and Courtney sit.

The first pair to play was Parvarti and Rupert.  Parv threw up two gutters.  Rupert won with his first toss.  Heroes up 1-0.

JT versus Danielle:  Danielle also tossed two gutters.  JT did well with a six on his first throw.  Heroes up 2-0.  So much for the "good bowlers".

Russell versus Colby:  Both guttered their first throws.  Russell knocked down 5 on the second and Colby was only able to answer with one.  2-1 Heroes.

Coach versus Amanda:  Both rolled a 5 on their first attempt.  Coach got one more on his second roll but Amanda nicked two over to complete the win.

The Heroes enjoyed their feast and planned about how they might rescue Coach and Russell from the evil women Villains.  Hmm.  That seemed a bit redundant.

The Villains got a double dip of loser-ville since they had to drag their tools and stuff all the way back to camp and set it back up again.

Gerri lost it back at camp, playing second guess with all the day's choices.  She blurted out that Sandra and Courtney sucked and should have been left out of the upcoming immunity challenge instead of the reward challenge.  Sandra finally found her voice.  "I'm sitting right here!"

They exercised a nice group blame-storming session.  I don't think they accomplished much, but it seemed like they all agreed it was probably Coach's fault for stepping up to make a decision. Poor Coach.

Sandra was fuming mad.  She hates everybody!

Sandra decided that the best way to keep Courtney around was to tell Russell that Coach was gunning for him.  Russell's paranoid nature would surely result in an ending to Coach's fairy tale.

Russell set the stage, as he and Sandra sat on the beach chatting and he explained to her how he decided everything and had complete control of the game.  Sandra dropped her bait and Russell snapped it up hook, line and sinker.  Coach had to go.  To help validate his choice he reminded her that this would further the notion that the tribe was performing an all-women alliance, which would surely work in their interest after the merge.

Well, we've reached the part of the season where the contestants have been away from showers and razors too long for the make-up touch-ups to help much.  The women are all starting to look like war ghetto prostitutes and the men have migrated from Don Johnson stud-scruffy to Ernest Borgnine.  Except Colby.  He still looks good.

What does that mean?  That's right.  It's time to indulge the Survivor fetish-lovers!

Immunity challenge was a mud-strewn obstacle course where a pair of contestants were belted together to make their way through the course to retrieve a flag.  First pair to return and drop their flags in the basket would win a point.  First tribe to two points wins immunity.

Gerri and Danielle were chosen to sit out this challenge for the Villains.

The first pairs were Russell and Sandra versus Amanda and Candace.

This went pretty poorly for the Villains.  Russell, being a bit on the stout side had a little trouble wriggling under the bars but he looked like the Flash compared to Sandra.  She took so long to make it through the first obstacle that Russell had time to stand up and stare at her.  Halfway through she had run out of gas.  It didn't matter...Amanda and Candace had finished with enough time for a spa treatment and massages.

Next up was a one on one (due to the numbers) between Coach and Rupert.  This was a good match.  Coach lithely slid through the obstacles to take a lead, but Rupert managed to catch up halfway through and even move ahead.  Unfortunately for him his toe and sluggish footwork caught up with him and Coach was able to nip him at the line to tie the contest up.

Parvarti and Courtney versus JT and Colby.  Yeah, not exactly a dream team match-up, is it?

One might think that Courtney would have an advantage in something like this since she's thin enough to easily side through the obstacles.  Well, one would be wrong for two reasons:

1.  The first time she hit the mud she immediately doubled her normal weight
2.  She is not only super thin, but super feeble as well

She quick got caught in the mud and somehow managed to twist or sprain her ankle in the process.  The Heroes won immunity.

Back at Villain camp Coach was starting to feel like his old self.  Finally he was one of the best contributors on his tribe.  Although his team was losing, he was performing well.  He was starting to speak up and assert himself as leader now that Boston Rob was no longer there to fill the void.  Need I say it?

"The Dragonslayer is back!"

He wondered aloud about going after Russell, but decided it would be best to remove the weakest of their weak links and get rid of Courtney.

Russell shared his plan to get rid of Coach with Danielle.  She couldn't believe it.  She argued that if they had any challenges left before the merge that they needed Coach way more than they needed the useless Courtney.  Russell wasn't in the mood for debate and stalked off.

After a while he cooled off and returned.  He indicated that he had a change of heart and agreed it was time for Courtney to go.  He could take out Coach at any other time of his choosing.  He was the king, after all.

Courtney seemed oblivious.  Either they didn't show her working the rest of the tribe or she spent most of the day moping around camp.

At tribal council Probst pointed out that the Villains had gone from big winners to big losers in rapid fashion.  He pointed out that Coach was the only one who had gotten a point at the last challenge.

Coach couldn't get enough:  "Awww..."  I think he actually blushed.

Probst wondered if the tribe was spending too much effort voting by alliance rather than by ability to win challenges.  He called out Courtney wondering why they would remove Rob and Tyson before her, adding "no disrespect."

I'm always amused that when people say "no disrespect intended" or "no offense" it's is almost always accompanied by something highly disrespectful or offensive.An example?  "No offense, but that skirt makes you look like a hooker." See?  It's hard to see the self-development opportunities there.

Courtney, took exception and pointed out that she wasn't the one who volunteered to sit out every possible challenge.  That was everyone elses idea.  Ahem.  I'd like to buy a clue, please.

She then turned on Coach, calling out his decision to sit her and Sandra in order to try to win the feast instead of keeping them out of the immunity challenge.  I'm not sure it makes sense that she argued that it wasn't her fault that she was made to sit out most of the challenges with one breath and then blamed her participation in a loss in another.

Coach chimed in that he wanted to hear her want to participate and want to "go get 'em", because that's how winners act.

Courtney:  "Thanks, Dad."

She went on to add:  "You guys are looking to target the weak and I'm a poster child for weak Survivor.  But I'm a skinny determined bitch willing to put up with a lot of crap to get to the end!"

Sandra and Courtney fist bumped here.  I could almost see a Helen Reddy song come out of this:

"I am skinny, hear me bore,
in a weight class too small to ignore...
and I bitch too much to go back and defend.
'Cause I've seen it all before
And yet I still came back for more
I hope someone will carry me to the end again..."

You get the idea.

The vote commenced.  Courtney took a parting shot at Coach "nice feather in your hair!"

Gerri looked vaguely queasy.  Coach looked excited and alive for the first time all season.

The votes were counted and were split down the middle between Coach and Courtney with one remaining.

Coach was voted out!

Going back through who voted for whom I was shocked to learn that after all that arguing Russell stuck with his (final) decision and voted for Courtney while Danielle actually voted for Coach.  Double-yew-tee-eff?!?

Coach became the first member of the jury.

I'm hoping we can make some sense of this next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 7!

Rob heads back to Beantown as the blindsides keep on coming!

Fresh from tribal council the Villains were still reeling over the departure of Tyson.

Rob weighed in with a Survivor Hall of Fame quote: "Russell is like the hobbit on crack!"  Yup, Dildo Buggins.

Rob on Tyson getting blindsided in the previous council:  "Somethin' doesn't feel right..."  ya think?  Rob, I'd like to buy a clue for $200.

Rob and his posse listened while Russell, Parvarti and Danielle giggled about the blindside on the other side of their tent.  Rob was starting to get paranoid that one of his pals might not be playing straight with him.

Courtney bashed on Russell and Parvarti a bit.  Evidently Russell is a "bandy-legged dwarf" and Parvarti will "flirt with anyone".  I'm really sensing a blockbuster movie here.  The Dwarf and the Princess.  We could have Angelina Jolie play Parvarti and Russell would insist on playing himself.  Liam Neeson would have to play Coach and someone would foolishly insist on portraying Jude Law in the role of Jeff Probst.  Halfway through the film there would need to be a pot-induced modern dance sequence.  I'm just spit-balling here...

Parvarti played psychologist for Gerri:  "she can't get over all the people who disappointed her and she's taking it out on everyone else...Okay, crazy pants!"

At Hero camp Rupert called on Colby to step it up, now that they dropped James in favor of him.  Colby can't believe he's still in the game.

The reward challenge was a basketball game in waist-deep water.  First team to three points win.  Reward was a nice meal at an outdoor waterfall.  I'm sure they were really digging having an outdoor picnic after freezing their tails off the night before and then doing a water challenge.

First teams were all guys.  I had forgotten Coach sucked so much at physical/skill challenges.  And at basketball.  Colby missed a couple of early chances before finally draining one.

The second group was mixed women and men.  I think Coach liked having all of the women grabbing at him.  It looked to me like he was holding onto the ball hoping they would cuddle with him a bit...maybe call him the Dragonslayer and smooth out his rumpled smurf hat.  Eventually he got distracted and the Hero tribe got the ball back.  A quick pass to Candace and the Heroes took a 2-0 lead.

Back to the men.  Rupert and Russell were going at it while JT picked up the ball, fed Colby and ended the game.  Rupert and Russell were still wrasslin' around.  I'm surprised Probst didn't break them up.

At the reward meal, Candace found another hidden idol clue.  The group agreed to try to find it together and use it at the merge. We'll see...

At Villain camp Russell called Coach and Gerri over to try to bring them into his alliance.  He offered to take them to the final 3.

Coach didn't seem to be buying what Russell was selling.  Gerri seemed to be though.  Coach found this troubling.  He told Gerri he was hurt that she seemed to hold him in the same regard as Russell as far as trust and didn't consult with him about agreeing to anything before speaking to Russell.  I think the problem is that everyone knows that Coach will promise something on the spot and then feel obliged to follow through.

Coach:  "Gerri and I are honor bound to play this game together!"  But he can't believe that Gerri would "put all of her eggs in Russell's basket."

Gerri:  "I like Coach, but he's so naive."

I'm convinced that Coach is terribly frustrated that he's on the Villain team.  We've barely seen a whiff of the Coach of old who sucked at every challenge but talked like a world-beater.

The Immunity challenge was a relay race over a net to retrieve bags of puzzle pieces to be used to complete a puzzle.

The Villains took a quick lead that they kept all the way to near the end, when Courtney appeared to run out of gas.  The Heroes took back the lead, and got a head start on the puzzle.

This time JT and Amanda were able to seal the deal, breaking the curse of the puzzle challenges.

Back at camp, Coach wanted to get rid of Courtney, the weakest link in the tribe.  The rest of the tribe seemed to posture around keeping the tribe strong, but clearly were acting to strengthen the position of their own alliance.

Rob and Russell discussed next steps.  Russell suggested they vote off one of the two weakest people:  Sandra or Courtney.  Of course they were sitting right there listening to the conversation.  Bold strategy, Russell!

Rob is a master manipulator.  When he approached Coach he asked him what he wanted to do, knowing that Coach wanted to feel in charge for a change.

Coach gushed all over him:  "Rob, you're my right hand man!"  But the two seemed at odds over next steps.  Coach wanted Courtney or Parvarti out.  Rob wanted Russell gone.

Russell and his group started thinking about blindsiding Rob.  Coach didn't feel right about that.  Although he was "with you guys 100%".

Coach was freaking out.  He promised his loyalty to Rob but also to Gerri and it seemed like he had to make a choice.

Rob told Gerri she needed to do what was best for her in the game.  Another nice touch.  Don't try to look like you're telling her what to do, tell her she knows the right thing to do.

At council, Coach spoke to the divided tribe, indicating that he and Gerri were "floaters".  I couldn't agree more.  In fact, I suggest we accept this as a term for Survivors who drift between alliances, useful only until one alliance has enough strength so that they don't need them any more.  Done?  Done.

Russell, perhaps sensing impending victory, really started running his mouth.  Plus he had that gleeful look in his eyes.  He started saying things he usually reserved for private camera time like "if you cross me you gotta go" and such.

A quick word about Russell.  The role playing game Dungeons and Dragons has a useful character-alignment system that tries to define a character or creature's general attitude and outlook on life.  The way Russell plays Survivor would classify as chaotic evil.  He does most things out of self-interest, but when faced with a neutral opportunity he goes well out of his way to do the "wrong" thing.  An example:  Walking across the street, Russell sees a small child in a stroller drop her cookie out of reach.  A character of good would pick the cookie up and hand it to the child.  A neutral character would keep on walking, possibly not even noticing the situation.  A chaotic evil character will likely stop, take the cookie and slowly eat it in front of the child just to watch her cry.  Sorry for the detour.  Just wanted to throw that out there.  Anyone for a quick game of D&D?

Coach tried to make peace, begging for Russell and Rob to work together.  It sounded a lot like a child trying to keep mommy and daddy from breaking up.  Too little, too late.

The votes were cast:

The alliances split their votes between Rob and Russell which left the decision up to the floaters.  Gerri voted Rob and Coach threw his vote away on Courtney.

As Rob stood to leave he hugged Gerri.  Coach got up to get him some and Rob dissed him:  "you're a little man."  Ouch!

In the next two weeks I predict:

Coach will weep like a small child!
The Villain tribe will lose challenges and further disintegrate!
The tribes will merge!
Russell will claim to be the puppet master at least four times!

See you next week on....Survivorfest!