Survivorfest - week 6!

Tyson and James are both blindsided!

Fresh from council after voting off Tom, James asked Colby if he'd like a hug.  Colby declined, but I think he really wanted one.

Candace was smart with her vote.  She wanted to stay aligned with Tom and Colby but knew what was going to happen so she saved her vote.

At the Villain camp, the two biggest players, Rob and Russell had a little nocturnal  discourse.  That's not quite how it sounds.  I think that maybe Rob was keeping watch to make sure that none of the other camp tools "grew legs and walked off".  The pair didn't resolve much.  Boston Rob made some thinly veiled threats and Russell...Well, Russell needs to work on his verbal play.  He effectively said:  "well I know what you are, but what am I?"

The challenge was a ropes maze where each tribe would complete individually.  The winner for each tribe would receive individual immunity and compete against each other to win a reward of hot dogs, sodas and a chance to listen in on the other tribe's council that night.  Both tribes would be voting someone off this evening.

The Heroes went first.  James, although hindered by his bad knee, managed to keep up for much of the challenge.  Probst marveled at his effort while Courtney ran a snarky play by play.  "Oh, that's amazing!"  "What a shocker!"  In the end, however, Candace pulled ahead to win.  2 points for Candace owners!

The Villains went next and Boston Rob took an early lead which he used to cruise to a win.  Of note in this challenge:

• Courtney maybe made it halfway through.  I think the rope may have been too heavy for her.  "What a shocker!"
• Sandra never made it past the first post.  I'm not sure but I think she may have clasped her carabiner onto the pin that held the rope.  She went nowhere.
• That was one big-time crotch blur on Danielle as she ducked through the post.  I wonder if her clown swimsuit finally gave up the ghost.

2 points for anyone with Boston Rob!

The next phase of the challenge added a third level to the maze.  I think this was a huge advantage for Rob as he most likely has better upper body strength.  Candace and Rob went after it.  They were closely matched until, yup, the climbing seemed to take the wind out of Candace and Rob settled in to a fairly easy win.

At camp Villain, Coach is feeling the pull of multiple alliances.  He still wants Parvarti gone.

Rob is clearly running the show.  He dictated that half of his alliance should vote Russell and the other half take Parvarti.  That way, regardless of who did or didn't have the idol, it would get purged and one of the two would be voted off.

To ice the cake he pulled Russell aside and warned him that if he didn't have the hidden idol (virtually certain after he spent two straight days digging for it and then suddenly stopped) he had better find it.  Russell still hadn't come up with a good zinger to lay on him so he mostly just fumed.

Say what you will about Russell, he knows how the game works.  He realized that the best strategy would be to split the votes and get either him or Parvarti.  He came up with a strategy to work around it.  He took Tyson aside and told him that he'd done all he could for Parvarti, but that she was gone and that was that.  Tyson, seeing an opportunity to make sure that she was going home considered changing his voted from Russell to Parvarti to make sure that's what happened.

Not sure what Parvarti did to irritate Tyson so much that even Russell noticed.  I wonder if she's been making fun of his bicycle shorts or his naked dance.  Hard to say.

At the Hero camp, Colby knows he's on the outs.  He told everyone not to worry about scheming and just to enjoy the afternoon and not give the villains anything to learn that evening at council.

James asked Colby where the old Colby was.  The new one wouldn't lose a challenge to a fat man and a cripple!

Evidently James' eating habits were bothering his tribemates.  A couple of bananas on the way out of camp, a couple more on the way in...Amanda warned him that the others were concerned about his knee and the gratuitous banana gobbling.

James was shocked to learn that there was such a thing as banana etiquette.  He also challenged JT to a race to how that his knee was still functional.  JT beat him running backwards, but James indicated that his knee didn't hurt.  Laughs all around.

At the Villains council, Sandra warned Russell again that he had better have the idol.  I like the brutal honesty of the Villains tribe.  They pretty much just let everything fly.  I'm sure it's very healthy.

When Sandra went to vote, she muttered (about Russell) "You need to get in the ocean and wash your ass!  I can't stand you!  Adios!"  I'm sorry but that's what I heard.  I have no idea what that was supposed to mean.  Surprisingly the only Google hit for the exact phrase "wash your ass in the ocean" was another site's reference to the same statement.  To expound on how unusual that is I will report on random phrases:

"cheese in my ear" - 42,000 results
"monkey balls for breakfast" - 672 results
"dick clark is a zombie" - 4,580 results
"i am my own uncle" - 34,800 results
"tony woltermann is a stone cold stud" - 0 results.  Well, no study is without outliers.  I think you get my point.

Probst asked if anyone had the hidden idol and Russell, in a rare moment of panache stood up, walked over to him and then said "not like this."  He then proceeded to tell Coach that he was a man of his word and that he was going to give his idol to Parvarti.  Coach smiled hugely.  Finally, someone was playing this game with honor!

Parvarti acted shocked and surprised and this stroke of fortune.  Considering that Russell had told her earlier in the day that he was going to do this, I wonder...Russell might want to take note of this in case she tries to distance herself from him.  

I can see it now:  "I don't know why he gave me that idol!  It was sweet but I hardly even talk to him!"

Probst went to count the votes.  First two were for Russell.  He looked worried.  The next three were for Parvarti and did not count.  The next was also for Parvarti and did not count.  Boston Rob looked confused, because he could count.  The next three votes were for Tyson, knocking him out of the game in shocking fashion.

Tyson:  "I was a victim of my own stupidity.  Fortunately I'm still pretty awesome."

Russell was the big winner in that he stayed in the game, got the idol out of the way, kept his alliance and picked up some serious cred with Coach.

Boston Rob had to feel the pain of someone who formulated the perfect plan just to see someone else screw it up.

The Villains migrated to the side to eat their dogs and soda while the Heroes tribe filed in.

It's gotta be irritating for the Heroes to do poorly in challenges only to get nailed with a "both tribes will vote someone off challenge".  It's like CBS is trying to race toward a merge.

James recounted his disappointment with Colby's effort so far in the game.  "It's like rooting for Superman and when you get up close it's just a guy in a fat suit!"  By the way:  "superman in a fat suit" - 9,230 results.

Amanda seemed to be really mopey at council.  That's odd.

Colby proceeded to write off the season.  He wished he could have done better but he's just not getting it done.

The votes were in and, surprisingly, James was out!  I'm not sure whether it was losing a footrace to JT or all those bananas, but James was headed to the cabana to have a shot with Tom.  That explains Amanda's pouting.

What will the repercussions be from this week?!?  Find out on the next...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 5!

Tom slides out!

Fresh from tribal council JT apologized for not letting his pals know his plan.  "If I'd have known what I was gonna do, I woulda told ya!"  I'm not sure what's worse.  A tribemate who crosses his/her alliance or one who can't decide what to do.

Rupert wasn't too happy about it.  I'm a little surprised as I think he should feel relieved.  He as much as admitted that he was voting alliance, not strength of tribe.  This gave him the best of both worlds.

JT promised to Amanda that he wouldn't turn on her.  No one seems to trust the old country boy quite so much as before.

At Camp Villain, Coach led the tribe (sans Russell) in some "Dragonslayer Chi".  I cannot fathom how he can say stuff like that with a straight face. I checked.  Coach does not have a book about Dragonslaying or Tai-Chi.

Russell invested some time searching for the hidden idol.  It appeared as though he had hollowed out the entire root system in the two days he'd been looking.  Eventually he found it.  I wonder if the cameraman took pity on him and just tossed it in the hole he had dug.  Those things are never that hard to find.  Maybe they figured they needed to bury it extra deep so that Russell wouldn't find it without a clue.

5 points for anyone who has Russell!

I wonder how long it will be before he tells someone he found it?  He simply can't keep news like that to himself.

The reward challenge was for two pairs of contestants to battle for what appeared to be rugby balls.  They would toss the balls up to another pair who would try to toss the balls into a basket.  First team to hit two baskets wins.

Reward was a trip to a waterfall with a feast of chocolate.  To whet their appetites Jeff passes around a plate of chocolate pieces.  The men of the hero tribes stoically passed.  I think Jeff was offended.  Colby and Probst were snapping at each other.  Over chocolate!

Colby:  "I just wanna get to the challenge!"
Probst:  "And I just want you to eat my chocolate, you ingrate!  You never like what I make and it hurts!"  Okay, I made that up.

Probst:  "Who's going to sit for the Heroes?"  Colby.  Go figure.

Within the first few minutes of the challenge James went down with a knee injury.  I'm no doctor but my money is on a torn ACL.  He was unable to put weight on it and was relegated to the bench.

JT threw like a sissy.  You'd figure a good ol' boy would be able to toss a pigskin, wouldn't you?

Amanda hit the first basket and the heroes went up 1-0.  Uh-oh...a lead.

Things got a little ugly then.  JT body slammed Coach and Rupert slammed Jeri's face against the fence post. Some heroes.

Unperturbed, Tyson picked up the next basket to tie things up.

Probst:  "Whoever gets this next basket wins the chocolate feast!"  Wasn't that a line out of the Wizard of Oz?

Jeri shook off the face plant she took and nailed the winning basket.  Villains win chocolate reward!

The choco feast was enough to give me a stomachache just looking at it.  After a couple of weeks of starvation diet I can't imagine what all that rich chocolate would do to their digestive systems.  Okay, I can.  And it ain't pretty.

The swimming hole was cool.  A clear, blue, salt-water affair tucked under the landscape.

Russell stayed up top with Parvarti, who evidently had developed a British accent.  Maybe chocolate does that to her.  Russ told her he had the idol and seemed a little miffed that she didn't tell him how awesome he was.  Maybe looking by yourself for an idol for two days with the clue isn't as glorious as it seemed.

Russell decided to tell Coach, promising to take him through the merge.  Coach was so honored that someone trusted him that he bowed down in homage to Russell.  Now THAT's more like it, right Russell?

"The King and the Dragonslayer!"  Yeah, that's what he wanted.

Back at the Hero camp, Amanda was crying like a baby.  With James potentially leaving, she was out one meal ticket.  But wait...who's that limping along the beach?  It's James!  Everyone with James as a winner can breathe a modest sigh of relief.

Immunity challenge was to have pairs of people blindfolded with a caller to direct them to large puzzle pieces laid out in the field.  Once all the pieces were retrieved, the teams would complete a puzzle.

James was the caller for the Hero team.  I can hear him now:  "Left, y'all!!!"

The first challenge seemed to be in keeping partners together.  It was like a Survivor swinger's party.  I figured they would have tied them together, but no.

Rob ran into a piece.  Must've hurt himself since he went forward for the rest of the challenge with one hand over his groin.

James:  "Stop, y'all!"  Yup.  Figured.  In addition to damaging his knee, James was also losing his voice.

The heroes managed to retrieve all of their pieces first to gain a substantial head start.  Uh-oh.

The villains finished getting their puzzle pieces and quickly completed the challenge.  Villains win immunity!  Again!

I'm starting to think that the Villains have one excellent puzzle solver, possibly Boston Rob, and that has been the biggest difference.  The reward challenge was bad luck with James going down and several potential winning shots bouncing off of the rim.  The big ball and maze was really close, too.  The sumo challenge was a cakewalk.  All the rest of the challenges had puzzles, right?

Back at camp, the Heroes were back to the unfortunate task of deciding who would leave next.

Candice is now playing the role of Cirie, working the line for anyone not named Candice.  Or Cirie.

James wants Tom off, feeling that he was the problem with the puzzles.  "He's got a good knee but he's still messed up...what's his excuse?"

Candice pointed out that James couldn't run with his bad knee.  Heck he was never much of a swimmer, strategizer, balancer or puzzle-solver either.

At council Probst taunted James (probably because he figured he could keep his distance):  "Right now my niece could beat you in a race, James!"

James  "No she couldn't...and neither could you."  I thought for a brief moment that Probst would take him up on that.  How cool would that be?

Probst:  "For an extra immunity idol, James versus Jeff!  If I win, I want you to bring me back the head of Mark Burnett!"

James called out Tom and Candice as being the reason for so many losses.  JT was clearly uncomfortable.  He's just too nice to get stuck in between like this.  It's killing him.

James summed it all up:  "If y'all think that you have a better chance of winning with Tom than me, then vote me off!"

The votes went in.  Tom had a nice line:  "James...all mass, no class."

All the witty sayings in the world couldn't buy the votes needed, however.  Tom was out.

Next week:  will James be able to manage with one leg?  Will the Heroes ever retain a lead?  Will Boston Rob ever ditch that silly hat?  These questions answered and more on....Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 4!

Cirie's wild coattail ride comes to an abrupt end!

Fresh from voting off the "abrasive" Randy, Coach had a breakdown in front of Tyson.

"I do noble things but I look dis-noble!  Why doesn't anyone say anything good about me?!?"  I don't think dis-noble is a real word, by the way.  My spellchecker agrees.

I hate to think that Coach might be reading my blog.  But I'll risk it.  You don't earn man points by weeping like a baby, Coach!

Tyson was remarkably supportive, which I think also cost him some man points.

Tyson offered up some personal life advice that I would've figured someone, somewhere might have imparted to Coach before:

• Don't tell your weird stories...no one believes you
• 
  
• Don't wear feathers in your hair to tribal council (or:  you are not a Mohican)
• 
  
• Don't do Tai Chi in public (hey, a million Chinese people do it every day).

They gave each other lots of extra hugs, wiped away the tears and went back to camp.

Alert blog reader Jonna indicated that I'd missed Tyson kissing JT before the mud challenge last week.

I'd like to point out that in Tyson's original season I suggested he would be a strong candidate because traditionally Mormons have done well in this game.  Especially the gay ones (see Todd:  Survivor - China).  Maybe he's trying to improve his odds this season.

Coach woke the next morning still in a funk.  Maybe he didn't sleep well with that fork sticking out of him.

Coach went off to mope and Rob followed him.  Coach blathered on:  "I want to bond with you!  I wanna do stuff together!"  Reminiscent of Champ the sports anchors gushing in the movie Anchorman:  the Legend of Ron Burgundy (unfortunately I couldn't find the whole segment on YouTube):



Coach shared that he was like the last of the Mohicans and King Arthur.  I wonder if he knows how things turned out for those guys.

Reward challenge was a nice product placement for Sears complete with catalog.

The challenge was a slip'n'slide race between two players who were to pull a numbered ball off a string and attempt to toss it into a basket.  First team to four baskets would win reward.  To improve the slide (and, no doubt, the ratings) the players all oiled up.  I think James brought his own from home.







First pair up was Coach and Tom.  Coach coasted to a quick basket.  The Dragonslayer lives!

Next pair was Russell and Cirie.  Russell absolutely flew down the slide while Cirie danced her way to the basket.  Russell had banked his shot in before Cirie even reached the foul line.

Next pair was Courtney and Candace.  Candace won because Courtney wasn't strong enough to pull the ball off of the string.  2 to 1 villains.

Jerri versus Amanda - Please, child.  Jerri won.

Sandra against James?  Don't even ask.  James slid right through and hit his first shot.  Sandra took on a curious crawling strategy.  I think she's still making her way down the slide.  3 to 2 villains.

Danielle versus Rupert:  Rupert hung on to win despite his broken toe.  The only better effort was the one put in by Danielle's bathing suit.  I only hope that some day science can explain how she stays in that thing because it seems to be at least two sizes too small.  3 to 3 tie!

The last pair to go was Tyson and Colby.  Colby took a nice lead, which seems to be the kiss of death for the Heroes tribe.  Both missed several shots, but eventually Tyson dropped his in.

Villains win reward!

Along with the fine Sears-supplied products, there was an idol clue.  It dropped out in the open, so the whole tribe was aware of it.  They decided that it would be a bad idea for anyone to have it because it would plant a target on that person's back.  A few minutes later Russell announced loudly and awkwardly that he need to take a walk.  To do some...thing.  Verrrrry subtle.

Rob had Sandra follow him and she confirmed that he was looking for the hidden idol.

Back at the Hero camp, they found a similar idol clue in the coffee container.  Again, everyone was standing around, so they all got the clue.  They all split up and started looking for it.

Tom found it first, earning 5 points for anyone who has him.  He tried to slip it in his pants and walk off, but Amanda spotted him.  Lord knows she had nothing else to do, since she wasn't actually dong anything productive like...I don't know...working around camp or looking for the idol.

Colby:  "This is what we needed.  We're a little better than we were."  I'm trying to remember if anyone who ever had a hidden immunity idol ever won the million dollars...Can't think of any.

The immunity challenge was a re-run of the one they couldn't complete last season because Russell B had a medical emergency.  I propose we call it "the Widowmaker" from now on.  Seriously, shouldn't all of these challenges have some cool name?  I think CBS is really missing an opportunity here.  "the Ballbuster!"  "the Slick!"  Admit it, you're thinking of some now, aren't you?

One pair of blindfolded people would push a "leader" in a large ball down a path.  After navigating the path the leader would direct two blind-folded people standing at a maze table to drop a ball in a basket at the end of the maze.

Tom was in one ball and Rob in the other.

The villains took an early lead this time and got a head start on the maze.  Rob is looking large and in charge right now.

The Heroes made up some time on the maze and both teams were neck and neck.  The Villain tribe managed to drop their ball in the net first, winning another immunity round.

Back at Camp Hero, Cirie was back to her usual plan.  Voting out anyone not named Cirie.  She and Candace decided the best bet would be to split votes between Tom and Colby, flushing out the idol and further weakening their alliance.

JT was at odds with this as he didn't like how much Candace was working the rest of the tribe.  Tom sweetened the deal by offering JT or Amanda the immunity idol if they turned on Candace.

James summed up his usual strategy:  "Who we voting?  Okay.  See you guys tonight at council."

Amanda told Cirie about the new plan to keep Tom and drop Candace.  Cirie read her the riot act about being stupid.  "Amanda's not the sharpest tool in the shed."

Amanda, for her part, looked like she realized that she was, in fact, flirting with double-digit IQ points.

This started a whole new round of debate.

JT seemed to be the only one undecided about which way to go.  At this point I am fully invested in the theory that Colby is going home and CBS is doing their best to make things look interesting.

At council Rupert indicated that he will vote according to his alliance and not what will make his team stronger.  I would like to point out that, while a fan favorite, Rupert has never finished in the money in this game.

Probst couldn't believe he was setting aside the "Outwit" part of the game.

James restated his policy of not playing any type of a social game.  I think he would be more than happy to do nothing but work at camp and do the challenges.  I would also like to point out that James hasn't sniffed the million dollar prize in this game, either.

The votes went in and Tom played his idol.  Probst didn't call for it which made me wonder if he forgot or if he assumed that anyone who has it will know to use it at that time.

The first three votes were for Tom so they didn't count.  The next four were mixed for Colby and Cirie.  The final vote came in and Cirie was blindsided.

Next week we have another possible Survivor medical event!  Will it be Coach's broken ego?  JT's damaged honesty?  Rob's fractured villain-ness?  Or will Danielle's clown bikini finally give up the ghost leading to the biggest wardrobe malfunction since the Superbowl XXXVIII halftime show?

We'll find out next week on...Survivorfest!