Survivorfest week 3!

Randy is the weakest villain!

James and Tom tried to make nice after the ugly blow-up during tribal council.  Rodney King just wants everyone to get along, James just wants to win, y'all!

Tom feels like he's on the outs since Stephanie was one of his few buds and JT no longer seemed to be honoring his alliance with him.  Tom looked like he was in trouble even before she was voted off.  Colby just looks lost.

Things looked a little brighter the next day when they got a bunch more chickens.  Where are these things coming from and why are they so stupid?  I think the dodo had a better evolutionary instinct.

At villains camp, Russell and Parvarti were canoodling, as were Coach and Jerri.  Boston Rob made an astute observation that to determine alliances, you should watch who everyone sleeps with at night.

The next day Coach warned Russell about Parvarti.  He shared that he considered her to be the most dangerous player in the game and Russell's time with her was putting on a big old bulls eye.  Sounds like another dragon to slay!

Rob came along and added his two cents as well.  Parvarti was bad mojo.

Russell:  "Everybody knows Coach is a big joke!  And Rob thinks he's in charge!  I'm in charge!"  I guess now that Alexander Haig is dead, someone must be in charge.

Russell naturally went and told Parvarti what they said.  "Why does everybody want to vote me out!?!"  I think it might be because they simply don't like you.  Or maybe because they had money on Cirie a few seasons ago.

She indicated that she did trust Russell, although she admitted that he was "kind of a lunatic".  I bet she has the best taste in boyfriends, too.

Coach regaled the tribe with campfire stories.  I think in this one he was a bodyguard to the Queen of Siberia or something.

Russell thought that things had been too quiet and calm so he hid the camp machete.  I hope he hid it well, because if someone finds it while looking for a hidden immunity idol they might just use it on him.  Russell admitted to having designs on Boston Rob's hat.  This could get interesting.

Coach has added some humming to his yoga. Every good villain should have his theme music.

Courtney looks like a bit player from the cast of Little Whorefan Annie.  Bah.  I am disappointed to learn that someone used that joke already.  Stupid Internet.

Randy pulled a giant clam out of the ocean.  No one was interested in partaking of the feast except for Sandra and Parvarti.  And Parvarti spit hers out.  I can't wait for the inevitable eating-disgusting-stuff challenge.

At hero camp, JT seemed to be working to oust Candace.  Cirie rolled over on JT a bit and told Candace that "someone" was talking smack about her.  Candace proceeded to go to everyone in camp and grill them.

When she got to James, he effectively told her to quit playing games and to start winning challenges.  This is why James has never finished in the money.  He kills himself at camp, kills himself on challenges but doesn't work a lick at trying to stay in the game.

The immunity and reward challenges were combined again.  In addition to avoiding tribal council the winner would take camp coffee, sugar, rice and a personal item to remind them of home. 

The challenge was a sumo type match using a big pad.  Loser would end up in the mud, first eight victories would win.

My wife:  "I bet against Courtney!"

The villains chose to sit Sandra and, unfortunately, Courtney.

Tom vs. Russell:  Tom won this challenge the last time he was on Survivor and he made quick work of Russell this time.

Parvarti vs. Candace:  Lots of muddy rolling around and one of Parvarti's boobs popped out.  I don't think there were any losers in this one, but for the sake of the challenge, Paravrti hit the mud first.

Rupert vs. Coach:  Rupert moved Coach around to the edge quickly, but then Dragonslayer made an illegal karate move to send Rupert into the mud.  Probst had to wait for Coach to complete his victory chants before giving him the bad news.  Coach wasn't too pleased and flipped Probst the bird.  At least I think that was where it was directed.

They restarted the match and Rupert pushed Coach off.  Coach just wasn't getting low enough.

Jerri vs. Cirie:  Any doubt here?  Cirie beat her like a rented mule.

JT versus Tyson:  JT warmed up by kicking some mud onto Tyson.  Nice.  He quickly finished Tyson as well.  The villains aren't getting low enough.

Danielle vs. Amanda:  Fetish lovers II!  Amanda took it to her.

Colby vs. Rob:  Rob put up a fight, but wasn't up to the task.  I wonder if he's still feeling the effects of the flu.

James vs. Randy:  Really?  Someone advised Randy to fight "as dirty as you can".  He did that by being promptly deposited into the mud.  James seemed a bit put out that Randy was jawing at him about being unfairly matched against "the old man" and tossed his pad on top of Randy.

It looked like Coach was the only one who stayed relatively clean from the villains as the heroes completed a "clean" sweep.

Back at villain camp, the various players spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning mud out of their cracks and crevices.  Danielle looked like Al Jolson after a hockey match.

Tyson:  "It was like they all ate steroid sandwiches!  I worry for their sanity."

Back at camp, Parvarti started working her charms.  Coach was unimpressed as he had many years of coaching women's soccer and no amount of eyelash batting got any of them any more playing time.

"I'm my own man!"

Sandra didn't care who went that evening as long as it wasn't her.  She was going to go with whatever the majority wanted to vote off.

Jerri and Parvarti were heating up. 

Jerri:  "I want to punch her in the face!"
Parvarti:  "She's just a bitter old cougar!"  Good stuff.  This is the kind of thing CBS was hoping for.

Randy seemed fatalistic about what would happen at council.  He told Coach that they'd better wise up and get rid of Parvarti while they could.  "Otherwise I'll see you at the loser lounge...I'll buy you a beer."

I think I've been to that lounge before.  No one ever bought me a beer.

Coach grouched "No one here is honorable.  Except me."

At council, Probst got Sandra and Coach into a nice argument.  Considering how chummy they had been at camp, this was a surprise.  Coach seemed awfully maudlin for this early in the game.  I wonder if he's starting to lose it.

Sandra indicated that the machete had gone missing.  Russell could barely contain himself.  I halfway expected to burst out "I did it!  I did it!  I took it and hid it! You all are a bunch of dummies!"  He just can't help himself.

The votes went in and Randy was out by a landslide.  Evidently he knew it because he wasted his vote on Boston Rob.

As he walked off he tossed his buff onto the fire.  Unfortunately he wasn't still attached to it.

Next week things heat up and Coach breaks down!  On....Survivorfest!