Randy is the weakest villain!
James and Tom tried to make nice after the ugly blow-up during tribal council. Rodney King just wants everyone to get along, James just wants to win, y'all!
Tom feels like he's on the outs since Stephanie was one of his few buds and JT no longer seemed to be honoring his alliance with him. Tom looked like he was in trouble even before she was voted off. Colby just looks lost.
Things looked a little brighter the next day when they got a bunch more chickens. Where are these things coming from and why are they so stupid? I think the dodo had a better evolutionary instinct.
At villains camp, Russell and Parvarti were canoodling, as were Coach and Jerri. Boston Rob made an astute observation that to determine alliances, you should watch who everyone sleeps with at night.
The next day Coach warned Russell about Parvarti. He shared that he considered her to be the most dangerous player in the game and Russell's time with her was putting on a big old bulls eye. Sounds like another dragon to slay!
Rob came along and added his two cents as well. Parvarti was bad mojo.
Russell: "Everybody knows Coach is a big joke! And Rob thinks he's in charge! I'm in charge!" I guess now that Alexander Haig is dead, someone must be in charge.
Russell naturally went and told Parvarti what they said. "Why does everybody want to vote me out!?!" I think it might be because they simply don't like you. Or maybe because they had money on Cirie a few seasons ago.
She indicated that she did trust Russell, although she admitted that he was "kind of a lunatic". I bet she has the best taste in boyfriends, too.
Coach regaled the tribe with campfire stories. I think in this one he was a bodyguard to the Queen of Siberia or something.
Russell thought that things had been too quiet and calm so he hid the camp machete. I hope he hid it well, because if someone finds it while looking for a hidden immunity idol they might just use it on him. Russell admitted to having designs on Boston Rob's hat. This could get interesting.
Coach has added some humming to his yoga. Every good villain should have his theme music.
Courtney looks like a bit player from the cast of Little Whorefan Annie. Bah. I am disappointed to learn that someone used that joke already. Stupid Internet.
Randy pulled a giant clam out of the ocean. No one was interested in partaking of the feast except for Sandra and Parvarti. And Parvarti spit hers out. I can't wait for the inevitable eating-disgusting-stuff challenge.
At hero camp, JT seemed to be working to oust Candace. Cirie rolled over on JT a bit and told Candace that "someone" was talking smack about her. Candace proceeded to go to everyone in camp and grill them.
When she got to James, he effectively told her to quit playing games and to start winning challenges. This is why James has never finished in the money. He kills himself at camp, kills himself on challenges but doesn't work a lick at trying to stay in the game.
The immunity and reward challenges were combined again. In addition to avoiding tribal council the winner would take camp coffee, sugar, rice and a personal item to remind them of home.
The challenge was a sumo type match using a big pad. Loser would end up in the mud, first eight victories would win.
My wife: "I bet against Courtney!"
The villains chose to sit Sandra and, unfortunately, Courtney.
Tom vs. Russell: Tom won this challenge the last time he was on Survivor and he made quick work of Russell this time.
Parvarti vs. Candace: Lots of muddy rolling around and one of Parvarti's boobs popped out. I don't think there were any losers in this one, but for the sake of the challenge, Paravrti hit the mud first.
Rupert vs. Coach: Rupert moved Coach around to the edge quickly, but then Dragonslayer made an illegal karate move to send Rupert into the mud. Probst had to wait for Coach to complete his victory chants before giving him the bad news. Coach wasn't too pleased and flipped Probst the bird. At least I think that was where it was directed.
They restarted the match and Rupert pushed Coach off. Coach just wasn't getting low enough.
Jerri vs. Cirie: Any doubt here? Cirie beat her like a rented mule.
JT versus Tyson: JT warmed up by kicking some mud onto Tyson. Nice. He quickly finished Tyson as well. The villains aren't getting low enough.
Danielle vs. Amanda: Fetish lovers II! Amanda took it to her.
Colby vs. Rob: Rob put up a fight, but wasn't up to the task. I wonder if he's still feeling the effects of the flu.
James vs. Randy: Really? Someone advised Randy to fight "as dirty as you can". He did that by being promptly deposited into the mud. James seemed a bit put out that Randy was jawing at him about being unfairly matched against "the old man" and tossed his pad on top of Randy.
It looked like Coach was the only one who stayed relatively clean from the villains as the heroes completed a "clean" sweep.
Back at villain camp, the various players spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning mud out of their cracks and crevices. Danielle looked like Al Jolson after a hockey match.
Tyson: "It was like they all ate steroid sandwiches! I worry for their sanity."
Back at camp, Parvarti started working her charms. Coach was unimpressed as he had many years of coaching women's soccer and no amount of eyelash batting got any of them any more playing time.
"I'm my own man!"
Sandra didn't care who went that evening as long as it wasn't her. She was going to go with whatever the majority wanted to vote off.
Jerri and Parvarti were heating up.
Jerri: "I want to punch her in the face!"
Parvarti: "She's just a bitter old cougar!" Good stuff. This is the kind of thing CBS was hoping for.
Randy seemed fatalistic about what would happen at council. He told Coach that they'd better wise up and get rid of Parvarti while they could. "Otherwise I'll see you at the loser lounge...I'll buy you a beer."
I think I've been to that lounge before. No one ever bought me a beer.
Coach grouched "No one here is honorable. Except me."
At council, Probst got Sandra and Coach into a nice argument. Considering how chummy they had been at camp, this was a surprise. Coach seemed awfully maudlin for this early in the game. I wonder if he's starting to lose it.
Sandra indicated that the machete had gone missing. Russell could barely contain himself. I halfway expected to burst out "I did it! I did it! I took it and hid it! You all are a bunch of dummies!" He just can't help himself.
The votes went in and Randy was out by a landslide. Evidently he knew it because he wasted his vote on Boston Rob.
As he walked off he tossed his buff onto the fire. Unfortunately he wasn't still attached to it.
Next week things heat up and Coach breaks down! On....Survivorfest!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Survivorfest week 2!
Stephenie can't outlast her latest tribe!
It's a dark and stormy night on Samoa and the villain tribe began to rue their lack of a decent shelter.
They're wet and freezing their butts off.
The next day they started on revision 4 of the shelter. Now I've never actually built a jungle shelter for a group of people but it really doesn't seem all that complicated. Get off the ground, figure out which way the wind is blowing, add roof. Maybe I'm over-simplifying.
I thought it amusing that most of them considered Sugar to be the luckiest one in the game so far.
Coach has his Smurf hat look going early. Sure to be a new fashion trend. Oh, wait! It already is:
The Heroes, on the flip side, have built a small condo with running water and a restaurant and bar. I kept expecting to see the Professor and Yau-Man hanging around the camp working on a coconut radio.
Rupert and Stephenie don't seem to be getting along which seemed to be the only thing going poorly on that end.
Boston Rob looks bushed. In fact, he was so bushed that he walked off into the jungle and passed out.
This would have been a good time for a leopard or something to find him...possibly worse, it was Jerri.
As bad as he looked, I figured we were going to have our first injury evacuation of the season. Rob looked as dead as Cousin Willie's American Idol hopes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXuMekb3L8Q
Fortunately for Rob he was able to pull it together and stay in the game, but he lost man points for blubbering about loving and respecting the game too much. I haven't seen this much crying in Survivor since Sugar left...er, wait.
Medical insisted Rob had the flu and some dehydration and sent him back to camp. Naturally he went over and hugged everyone in the tribe. Week 3 of Survivor: Russell's puking, Courtney is in a coma and the Villains still haven't built a decent shelter! You heard it here first.
At the challenge Probst announced that Sugar had been voted off at the last council. I was disappointed that they didn't show Randy's reaction, based on their history. I expected a fist pump or something.
The challenge was for pairs of contestants to roll large crates across a line and then assemble them so that the tribe name was assembled on the sides like a ladder. First tribe to the top would win.
What in the hell is Danielle wearing? It looks like some kind of clown bikini. I checked Amazon for one of those and it came up with this: Roma Bikini 3 Piece Rag Doll Costume 1461 (AS SHOWN,M/L)
and a costume of "Shackles the Clown". God as my witness you don't want to follow that link, but I'll include it anyway: California Costume Shackles the Clown 00925 (AS SHOWN,MEDIUM)
The Heroes tribe jumped out to a decent lead. They seem to have a definite advantage at the physical portions...but can they overcome the puzzle issues?
That would be a "no". Despite the plan to have JT lead the tribe, things went somewhat sideways and the Heroes were unable to complete the puzzle portion for the second challenge in a row. The entire tribe is like James. Kick-butt physical prowess but completely unable to solve puzzle challenges.
Villains win!
Back at camp Russell tracked down and killed a chicken. CBS has PETA-trained operators standing by for your calls!
Seems like Russell's a bit jealous of Boston Rob's popularity.
After the challenge James read his tribe the riot act about not listening and following the plan. Stephenie gave him some flack, which he didn't appreciate. Evidently she rubs a couple of people the wrong way. I like how people are "biting their tongues" at this stage not wanting to rock the boat. Two more weeks of little food and shelter and you can bet everyone will speak their minds.
JT took responsibility for the loss since he was supposed to be the expert at that challenge, but he certainly left the door open for everyone else to take their lumps.
James wants Stephenie to leave. His reasoning is that she never won any challenges before and made her success after all her tribe mates had been voted off.
"She's Kryptonite!"
Tom, aligned with Stephenie, wanted to talk Cirie into voting Amanda off. Doesn't seem likely since they have some significant history.
Cirie: "I don't know why everyone thinks that we're so close...she picked Parvarti over me and cost me a million dollars!" Hmmm. I stand corrected. Although technically it was a CHANCE at one million dollars. Just because the jury voted for Parvarti to win doesn't mean they would have done the same for Cirie.
Bottom line, Cirie was back to her typical game strategy of going along with voting off anyone not named Cirie.
At tribal council, Probst touched off a big fight between James and Stephenie, which led to Colby stepping in to defend her and then Tom. Nice show of solidarity, but it was definitely a minority. Things are falling apart for the Heroes tribe.
The aligned three weren't enough to carry the votes and Stephenie was out.
Stephenie had some parting words for James who advised her to shut her mouth. This drew a reaction from Tom. First time I remember someone saying something other than "good luck, guys". I like it. Maybe Survivor should add a "I'll See You In Hell" moment after someone gets voted out.
It will be interesting to see whether the tribe can make it back to camp without further incident.
Next week, James has 'roid rage and everyone gets muddy! See you next week on...Survivorfest!
It's a dark and stormy night on Samoa and the villain tribe began to rue their lack of a decent shelter.
They're wet and freezing their butts off.
The next day they started on revision 4 of the shelter. Now I've never actually built a jungle shelter for a group of people but it really doesn't seem all that complicated. Get off the ground, figure out which way the wind is blowing, add roof. Maybe I'm over-simplifying.
I thought it amusing that most of them considered Sugar to be the luckiest one in the game so far.
Coach has his Smurf hat look going early. Sure to be a new fashion trend. Oh, wait! It already is:
The Heroes, on the flip side, have built a small condo with running water and a restaurant and bar. I kept expecting to see the Professor and Yau-Man hanging around the camp working on a coconut radio.
Rupert and Stephenie don't seem to be getting along which seemed to be the only thing going poorly on that end.
Boston Rob looks bushed. In fact, he was so bushed that he walked off into the jungle and passed out.
This would have been a good time for a leopard or something to find him...possibly worse, it was Jerri.
As bad as he looked, I figured we were going to have our first injury evacuation of the season. Rob looked as dead as Cousin Willie's American Idol hopes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXuMekb3L8Q
Fortunately for Rob he was able to pull it together and stay in the game, but he lost man points for blubbering about loving and respecting the game too much. I haven't seen this much crying in Survivor since Sugar left...er, wait.
Medical insisted Rob had the flu and some dehydration and sent him back to camp. Naturally he went over and hugged everyone in the tribe. Week 3 of Survivor: Russell's puking, Courtney is in a coma and the Villains still haven't built a decent shelter! You heard it here first.
At the challenge Probst announced that Sugar had been voted off at the last council. I was disappointed that they didn't show Randy's reaction, based on their history. I expected a fist pump or something.
The challenge was for pairs of contestants to roll large crates across a line and then assemble them so that the tribe name was assembled on the sides like a ladder. First tribe to the top would win.
What in the hell is Danielle wearing? It looks like some kind of clown bikini. I checked Amazon for one of those and it came up with this: Roma Bikini 3 Piece Rag Doll Costume 1461 (AS SHOWN,M/L)
and a costume of "Shackles the Clown". God as my witness you don't want to follow that link, but I'll include it anyway: California Costume Shackles the Clown 00925 (AS SHOWN,MEDIUM)
The Heroes tribe jumped out to a decent lead. They seem to have a definite advantage at the physical portions...but can they overcome the puzzle issues?
That would be a "no". Despite the plan to have JT lead the tribe, things went somewhat sideways and the Heroes were unable to complete the puzzle portion for the second challenge in a row. The entire tribe is like James. Kick-butt physical prowess but completely unable to solve puzzle challenges.
Villains win!
Back at camp Russell tracked down and killed a chicken. CBS has PETA-trained operators standing by for your calls!
Seems like Russell's a bit jealous of Boston Rob's popularity.
After the challenge James read his tribe the riot act about not listening and following the plan. Stephenie gave him some flack, which he didn't appreciate. Evidently she rubs a couple of people the wrong way. I like how people are "biting their tongues" at this stage not wanting to rock the boat. Two more weeks of little food and shelter and you can bet everyone will speak their minds.
JT took responsibility for the loss since he was supposed to be the expert at that challenge, but he certainly left the door open for everyone else to take their lumps.
James wants Stephenie to leave. His reasoning is that she never won any challenges before and made her success after all her tribe mates had been voted off.
"She's Kryptonite!"
Tom, aligned with Stephenie, wanted to talk Cirie into voting Amanda off. Doesn't seem likely since they have some significant history.
Cirie: "I don't know why everyone thinks that we're so close...she picked Parvarti over me and cost me a million dollars!" Hmmm. I stand corrected. Although technically it was a CHANCE at one million dollars. Just because the jury voted for Parvarti to win doesn't mean they would have done the same for Cirie.
Bottom line, Cirie was back to her typical game strategy of going along with voting off anyone not named Cirie.
At tribal council, Probst touched off a big fight between James and Stephenie, which led to Colby stepping in to defend her and then Tom. Nice show of solidarity, but it was definitely a minority. Things are falling apart for the Heroes tribe.
The aligned three weren't enough to carry the votes and Stephenie was out.
Stephenie had some parting words for James who advised her to shut her mouth. This drew a reaction from Tom. First time I remember someone saying something other than "good luck, guys". I like it. Maybe Survivor should add a "I'll See You In Hell" moment after someone gets voted out.
It will be interesting to see whether the tribe can make it back to camp without further incident.
Next week, James has 'roid rage and everyone gets muddy! See you next week on...Survivorfest!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Survivorfest6 - week 1! Game on!!!
Sugar gets dished and we're off and flying on another season of Survivor!
The gang came in on four choppers flying low over the tropical island of Samoa. Considering the first season looked like it was filmed with two Sony Handycams in a South Florida backyard I'd say Survivor has come a long, long way.
I was pleased to see that Randy hadn't gotten off the chopper and he already looked pissed. Makes me wonder what a pile of fun he must be at Survivor reunion events.
Cirie related that she was a "gansta" in an Oprah suit. I wonder where I can get one of those...Halloween is just around the corner, you know.
Five minutes in and Coach is already weird. I think he's completely embraced the Dragonslayer persona that didn't come out until week 7 of his last go round when he was dehydrated and dreaming of being groped by pygmies in the Amazon. Real shame this season wasn't set there...I think those little guys would have liked another shot at him.
The villain's chopper arrived to sinister music while the heroes shied away from the sand being kicked up by their chopper rotors. Nice entrance. Darth Vader couldn't have done it any better. Speaking of which, wouldn't HE be a great Survivor contestant?
Okay, right here, right now, which super-evil fictional characters would you like to see duke it out on the next season of Survivor?
My immediate votes go to:
Darth Vader
Damien (the kid from the Omen)
the Sheriff of Nottingham from the Robin Hood movie with Kevin Costner (Alan Rickman rocks!)
Hannibal Lecter
the Joker (Heath Ledger's) just for the laughs
Wow. That was a pretty major digression. That's what happens when you do a stream-of-consciousness blog.
First challenge is for fire. Teams would dig for a bag in the sand and the first to touch their mat while holding the bag would win a point.
The first team of all women set the pace. Parvarti and Cirie went at it like a couple of ex-Roller derby gals. Which, if this were 1972, they both would probably be.
The heroes won that round but not before Stephenie had her shoulder dislocated. Mad props for toughness by getting it popped back in and shaking it off. That kind of thing will make a grown man cry like a baby.
We also got our first blur of the game. It took several rewinds of the DVR but we caught Parvarti with part of her top pulled off during the melee. I know, I know. It's a tough job but I watched it three or four extra times just to be sure. The things I do for this game.
The heroes won the next match as well with a mixed group of men and women as JT juked his way around a badly over-matched Randy.
The villains took a surprise point when Colby, who had grabbed the bag, was "frog jumped" over to the villain's mat by coach in a gutsy and clever move. Well done, Dragonslayer!
Tyson shared that Colby was so emasculated by being beaten by Coach, of all people, that he might as well give up and become a woman. Man, I missed Tyson!
The heroes took the third point in the next all-women match. It featured the title bout between Courtney and Sugar, which was about as titanic as two stick figures wrestling over a paper wad. Sugar actually seemed to roll over and give up when the bag sort of popped out her way.
She picked it up and started to run when Sandra caught her from behind. She managed to wriggle free while Sandra chose to unhook her (Sugar's) top rather than put her in a chokehold.
Sugar hopped on the mat sans top and gave Sandra the double-bird. Anyone not familiar with that term? Okay, she told Sandra that she was number "11". I have a strong suspicion that a few of the CBS cast parties ended the same way...
The next match paired up James and Rupert and wasn't much of a competition. Rupert took the brunt of the damage, however, breaking his little toe in a couple of places. Ouch!
Heroes win reward!
Back at camp, the villains licked their wounds and tried to do anything other than put a camp together.
Russell spent a lot of time trying to work up alliances with anyone and everyone.
He even started in on the "you need to trust me and we'll go to the final two!" stuff. Week one and that garbage is growing a bit stale.
Shockingly, they didn't show him looking around for a hidden immunity idol. I wonder if CBS came up with some new unannounced rules on camp behavior.
Courtney, what is with the weird hat, shorts and leg warmers? You look like a hipster hooker.
Boston Rob came up big with his fire making skills. Randy told him it was impossible without flint. That's probably how he knew he could do it.
The best part wasn't that the tribe would now have drinkable water, but Boston Rob now had Coach's undying respect.
Coach and Jerri appeared to be starting up some kind of Survivor romance. There's gotta be a word for that...ah, yes...Showmance! We'll see if it lasts through week 6 when Jerri needs to have another wax job and everyone is ready to stone Coach.
Still it should be a fun ride. We already have two Survivor Hall of Fame quotes out of it:
"The Black Widow and the Dragonslayer" - I wonder if Coach knows what black widows do after they mate...
"You're with the Dragonslayer, man, don't worry about it!" - That may be one of the best pick-up lines I've heard this year. Granted it's still only February, but I could see him laying that line down in a dance club.
At the heroes camp the strongest players seemed to be lining up alliances. James and JT and JT and Tom were making nice. The 90% of us who marked any or all of those guys down as winners breathed a sigh of relief and did a quick bit of back-patting.
I think Colby's hat is big enough for two people. If he tied it on tight enough a strong wind might lift him to one of the other islands. Hmmm. I think that was the plot of a Gilligan's Island rerun I saw the other day.
The heroes were fortunate enough to net four wild chickens at camp. You know what that means, right? Eggs for breakfast and at least one gratuitous chicken slaying! CBS operators are standing by to manage the flood of PETA calls.
I checked. Here are the options:
Press one to leave a desperate plea to be on a future show
Press two for the location of Jeff Probst's next book signing
Press three if you got confused and thought you were calling the suicide hotline again
Press four if you'd like to complain about something one of our shows did to an innocent animal
Rupert has evidently lost a bit of his mojo and was unable to start a fire even with the aid of flint. Evidently he didn't attend the Boston Rob camp for Roughing it Up in a Primitive Environment using Rob's Tips. That was a long way to go to try to make an ironic acronym, don't you think? See the camp name spells...sigh. Never mind.
JT came to the rescue and lit up a fire. For good measure he wrung up a chicken, built the shelter with his bare hands and solved world hunger. Same old, same old.
Sugar got cold that night and wanted her some warm Colby. I think there's a sweet cheese joke here somewhere, but it's been a long week already and that RUPERT camp joke really kinda fell flat.
Needless to say, Sugar wasn't making herself welcome.
The Immunity Challenge was to assemble a boat, row it out to light a torch, row it back to disassemble the boat, assemble a puzzle and then use the boat pieces to form a ladder to light a pyre with the torch.
Another rather pointlessly complex Survivor challenge. Why not have them refine Uranium or something?
The heroes took a quick lead on the challenge by getting the boat together first and making it out to light their torch. The villains were only halfway out when they returned and started on the puzzle phase.
That's when things took a poor turn for the heroes. Between Sugar, Rupert and Cirie they completely botched the puzzle challenge. The villains gained the lead and completed the come-from-behind rout.
A hero would be going home. Sugar started crying, to no one's surprise.
Back at the heroes camp the immediate impulse was to vote off Sugar. But that would remove the suspense, wouldn't it? So the next fifteen minutes of valuable network time was taken up by sequences of everyone over-analyzing who would help the tribe in the short run versus who they might want to take out early.
I don't buy it. Anyone who knows what they're doing at this game waits a few weeks before starting the blind-sides. The first vote-off goes to the sucker who either can't help you win any challenges, is completely useless at camp or pisses everyone off. Unfortunately for Sugar, she fit the bill three different ways.
Tribal council was extra special this season as well. The contestants had to climb flights of stairs to get the chamber forty feet off the ground. I suspect Rupert was not too amused with his bum toe.
Council was fairly unremarkable. Jeff tried to stir things up and poke and prod at strategies. All these folks had been there and done that and weren't going to be persuaded to tell more than they had to.
The vote went in. Fittingly, Sugar had a tough time figuring out how to use the pen to write the only name that wasn't spelled S-U-G-A-R on the ballots.
Sugar heads home and the heroes tribe seems none the worse for wear in the early going. We'll see if they can avoid a repeat visit to tribal council next week on...Survivorfest!
The gang came in on four choppers flying low over the tropical island of Samoa. Considering the first season looked like it was filmed with two Sony Handycams in a South Florida backyard I'd say Survivor has come a long, long way.
I was pleased to see that Randy hadn't gotten off the chopper and he already looked pissed. Makes me wonder what a pile of fun he must be at Survivor reunion events.
Cirie related that she was a "gansta" in an Oprah suit. I wonder where I can get one of those...Halloween is just around the corner, you know.
Five minutes in and Coach is already weird. I think he's completely embraced the Dragonslayer persona that didn't come out until week 7 of his last go round when he was dehydrated and dreaming of being groped by pygmies in the Amazon. Real shame this season wasn't set there...I think those little guys would have liked another shot at him.
The villain's chopper arrived to sinister music while the heroes shied away from the sand being kicked up by their chopper rotors. Nice entrance. Darth Vader couldn't have done it any better. Speaking of which, wouldn't HE be a great Survivor contestant?
Okay, right here, right now, which super-evil fictional characters would you like to see duke it out on the next season of Survivor?
My immediate votes go to:
Darth Vader
Damien (the kid from the Omen)
the Sheriff of Nottingham from the Robin Hood movie with Kevin Costner (Alan Rickman rocks!)
Hannibal Lecter
the Joker (Heath Ledger's) just for the laughs
Wow. That was a pretty major digression. That's what happens when you do a stream-of-consciousness blog.
First challenge is for fire. Teams would dig for a bag in the sand and the first to touch their mat while holding the bag would win a point.
The first team of all women set the pace. Parvarti and Cirie went at it like a couple of ex-Roller derby gals. Which, if this were 1972, they both would probably be.
The heroes won that round but not before Stephenie had her shoulder dislocated. Mad props for toughness by getting it popped back in and shaking it off. That kind of thing will make a grown man cry like a baby.
We also got our first blur of the game. It took several rewinds of the DVR but we caught Parvarti with part of her top pulled off during the melee. I know, I know. It's a tough job but I watched it three or four extra times just to be sure. The things I do for this game.
The heroes won the next match as well with a mixed group of men and women as JT juked his way around a badly over-matched Randy.
The villains took a surprise point when Colby, who had grabbed the bag, was "frog jumped" over to the villain's mat by coach in a gutsy and clever move. Well done, Dragonslayer!
Tyson shared that Colby was so emasculated by being beaten by Coach, of all people, that he might as well give up and become a woman. Man, I missed Tyson!
The heroes took the third point in the next all-women match. It featured the title bout between Courtney and Sugar, which was about as titanic as two stick figures wrestling over a paper wad. Sugar actually seemed to roll over and give up when the bag sort of popped out her way.
She picked it up and started to run when Sandra caught her from behind. She managed to wriggle free while Sandra chose to unhook her (Sugar's) top rather than put her in a chokehold.
Sugar hopped on the mat sans top and gave Sandra the double-bird. Anyone not familiar with that term? Okay, she told Sandra that she was number "11". I have a strong suspicion that a few of the CBS cast parties ended the same way...
The next match paired up James and Rupert and wasn't much of a competition. Rupert took the brunt of the damage, however, breaking his little toe in a couple of places. Ouch!
Heroes win reward!
Back at camp, the villains licked their wounds and tried to do anything other than put a camp together.
Russell spent a lot of time trying to work up alliances with anyone and everyone.
He even started in on the "you need to trust me and we'll go to the final two!" stuff. Week one and that garbage is growing a bit stale.
Shockingly, they didn't show him looking around for a hidden immunity idol. I wonder if CBS came up with some new unannounced rules on camp behavior.
Courtney, what is with the weird hat, shorts and leg warmers? You look like a hipster hooker.
Boston Rob came up big with his fire making skills. Randy told him it was impossible without flint. That's probably how he knew he could do it.
The best part wasn't that the tribe would now have drinkable water, but Boston Rob now had Coach's undying respect.
Coach and Jerri appeared to be starting up some kind of Survivor romance. There's gotta be a word for that...ah, yes...Showmance! We'll see if it lasts through week 6 when Jerri needs to have another wax job and everyone is ready to stone Coach.
Still it should be a fun ride. We already have two Survivor Hall of Fame quotes out of it:
"The Black Widow and the Dragonslayer" - I wonder if Coach knows what black widows do after they mate...
"You're with the Dragonslayer, man, don't worry about it!" - That may be one of the best pick-up lines I've heard this year. Granted it's still only February, but I could see him laying that line down in a dance club.
At the heroes camp the strongest players seemed to be lining up alliances. James and JT and JT and Tom were making nice. The 90% of us who marked any or all of those guys down as winners breathed a sigh of relief and did a quick bit of back-patting.
I think Colby's hat is big enough for two people. If he tied it on tight enough a strong wind might lift him to one of the other islands. Hmmm. I think that was the plot of a Gilligan's Island rerun I saw the other day.
The heroes were fortunate enough to net four wild chickens at camp. You know what that means, right? Eggs for breakfast and at least one gratuitous chicken slaying! CBS operators are standing by to manage the flood of PETA calls.
I checked. Here are the options:
Press one to leave a desperate plea to be on a future show
Press two for the location of Jeff Probst's next book signing
Press three if you got confused and thought you were calling the suicide hotline again
Press four if you'd like to complain about something one of our shows did to an innocent animal
Rupert has evidently lost a bit of his mojo and was unable to start a fire even with the aid of flint. Evidently he didn't attend the Boston Rob camp for Roughing it Up in a Primitive Environment using Rob's Tips. That was a long way to go to try to make an ironic acronym, don't you think? See the camp name spells...sigh. Never mind.
JT came to the rescue and lit up a fire. For good measure he wrung up a chicken, built the shelter with his bare hands and solved world hunger. Same old, same old.
Sugar got cold that night and wanted her some warm Colby. I think there's a sweet cheese joke here somewhere, but it's been a long week already and that RUPERT camp joke really kinda fell flat.
Needless to say, Sugar wasn't making herself welcome.
The Immunity Challenge was to assemble a boat, row it out to light a torch, row it back to disassemble the boat, assemble a puzzle and then use the boat pieces to form a ladder to light a pyre with the torch.
Another rather pointlessly complex Survivor challenge. Why not have them refine Uranium or something?
The heroes took a quick lead on the challenge by getting the boat together first and making it out to light their torch. The villains were only halfway out when they returned and started on the puzzle phase.
That's when things took a poor turn for the heroes. Between Sugar, Rupert and Cirie they completely botched the puzzle challenge. The villains gained the lead and completed the come-from-behind rout.
A hero would be going home. Sugar started crying, to no one's surprise.
Back at the heroes camp the immediate impulse was to vote off Sugar. But that would remove the suspense, wouldn't it? So the next fifteen minutes of valuable network time was taken up by sequences of everyone over-analyzing who would help the tribe in the short run versus who they might want to take out early.
I don't buy it. Anyone who knows what they're doing at this game waits a few weeks before starting the blind-sides. The first vote-off goes to the sucker who either can't help you win any challenges, is completely useless at camp or pisses everyone off. Unfortunately for Sugar, she fit the bill three different ways.
Tribal council was extra special this season as well. The contestants had to climb flights of stairs to get the chamber forty feet off the ground. I suspect Rupert was not too amused with his bum toe.
Council was fairly unremarkable. Jeff tried to stir things up and poke and prod at strategies. All these folks had been there and done that and weren't going to be persuaded to tell more than they had to.
The vote went in. Fittingly, Sugar had a tough time figuring out how to use the pen to write the only name that wasn't spelled S-U-G-A-R on the ballots.
Sugar heads home and the heroes tribe seems none the worse for wear in the early going. We'll see if they can avoid a repeat visit to tribal council next week on...Survivorfest!
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