Survivorfest 5 - Finale!

Congratulations to Natalie for being so lame as to have not offended the jury!  Evidently Mick was too lame to have even gotten that far.  Alas, poor Russell, we hardly loathed thee.

Congrats as well to our Survivorfest 5 winners:

Karen S - The only person to have selected Natalie to win...of course she also chose Marisa to win...
Kate - So very close...
Glenda - Had first place locked except for choosing Natalie as her Lovable Loser

And our own Lovable Loser, Toni, who eked out a tie breaker by selecting the best Lovable Loser.  Very appropriate!

Rather than a blow-by-blow of the challenges and conversations of the Finale show I'm opting to throw out a summary of some of the events.  Sure, it's a cop-out but I didn't even get around to sending out Christmas cards this year.  Oh, yeah.  Merry Christmas, everybody!!!!  Does that count?

One of my favorite parts of the finale show is when they take the long trek to visit the montage of the players who have gone before them.  And they all try to think of nice things to say about the losers that everyone really hated and were glad to see go.  Except for Evil Russell.  Like him or hate him, he called 'em like he saw 'em.

Can anyone explain why Shambo's tribal mask didn't have a mullet?  I know my family was a bit disappointed.

Jaison looked like he was finished with the game about six weeks ago.  In the final days he was evidently suffering from diarrhea. When he was voted out, did anyone else thing he was busting ass out of there to get to a real toilet?  We need to know these things!

Evil Russell's decision to drop Jaison and keep Mick was a tough call.  I think he had a better chance with Jaison just because he had the ability to say something inappropriate and inflammatory in the jury trial that might help Russell out.  I guess it turned out that Mick did about the same...by being so lame that no one had any interest in giving him the million dollars.

Evil Russell definitely made the right choice by getting rid of Brett.  With all the irritated Galu members on the jury and the kid making such a run at the last few immunities, I have to agree.  There's no way that Brett doesn't win the money if he's with the final three.

I have to agree with his choice of keeping Natalie.  Historically speaking, the "meat sandwich" types that get dragged along to the final vote and yet made no contributions other than voting along the way don't get much sympathy.  Something about Russell rubbed the jury the wrong way so badly that if there were no other choice but to give Russell the money I think they'd have rather burned it.  One big thing that Natalie did was living the lifestyle. She definitely seemed to give her best efforts in challenges and didn't seem to bellyache about everything.  Even Jaison mentioned that she had changed dramatically from the early weeks of the game.

Still, how many other seasons of Survivor were won by someone who never won a single immunity challenge?

Okay, fess up.  How many of you out there thought you knew what Shambo meant when she referred to Natalie as "the 'c' word"?  Coattail was not even on my top ten list of guesses.

After Erik's rant in the trial I wonder if he's a complete pyscho.  He did make a valid point though.  Mick was chosen as leader and he did anything but lead, which may have played directly into Foa Foa's lousy record in challenges.  Of course, so did Russell's dumping of water and other various dirty tricks.

Did anyone else think that Brett, cleaned up, looked like Eric Foreman from That 70's Show?

Did anyone else think that Ben, at the reunion show, looked like a hairdresser?  Definitely not like a professional mixologist!

Like him or hate him, Russell really played this game at the highest level.  He was visibly upset when he didn't win.  He even offered Natalie $10,000 if he could just have the title of sole Survivor.  I think that maybe he had a side bet with a buddy that he was trying to win.

Was anyone else surprised by Evil Russell's wife?  She looked like a twelve-year-old biker chick.  I don't know why, but I was picturing something more along the lines of an angry-looking Kathy Bates.

Next season of Survivor will be the 20th!  For this lofty anniversary they will have a Heroes versus Villains competition.

I'll send out email before the next season for anyone interested in playing Survivorfest 6.

Until then, thanks for playing and I hope everyone enjoyed the game!

Have a safe, healthy and happy holiday!


Tony

Survivorfest - week 13!

Shambo is mulleted out the door as we head to the season finale this Sunday!

Fresh from tribal council Brett is seen giving Shambo a mullet massage.  Yet another indelible Survivor image that will remain forever burned into my mind.

For someone who hadn't said much of anything all season long, Brett certainly won't shut the heck up now.  He was also spotted quoting Ephesians to Natalie.  Have we ever seen a Survivor be this quiet and in the background and suddenly appear out of nowhere in the final two weeks of the season?  It's almost like they inserted another player when we weren't looking.  Hmmm....maybe they did.

Whatever or whomever he is, he seemed to make an impression on Natalie. It was off-putting hearing her talk about discussing the great Christian books of the Bible while sitting in the surf in a tiny bikini.

Evil Russell was starting to get a little tired of Shambo.  The stink of her breath, her mane of mullet, her ever-running mouth...hard to tell what's really doing it for him.  I guess it's the hair:  "She hides food in there!  Bananas and peanuts!"

Probst later asked her how long she had been rocking that particular hairstyle.  "23 years!  That's a long time for one hairstyle!"

Shambo:  "You don't mess with perfection, baby!" followed by "feels good, looks good, love it love it love it!"  I just threw up a little in my mouth.  Of course I probably shouldn't talk.  Having the right mix of hereditarial genes means that, if I'm lucky, I'll have this same hairstyle for the rest of my life.

The reward challenge was a gigantic game of "Kerplunk" using ropes and coconuts.  First team to drop 100 coconuts lost. Reward was a trip to a nearby village for a feast and a nice night sleeping with pillows and blankets.

Evil Russell and Natalie were chosen at random for captains.  Russell chose Jaison and Shambo (Shambo was the last one remaining, so she wasn't "chosen" so much as "left").  Natalie took her new spiritual leader, Brett, first followed by Mick.

While Russell's team took their turn, Natalie turned and asked Brett if he was also a "prayer warrior".  Surprise!  He was!  She and Brett spent some time asking the Lord to help them in their quest to win a million (before taxes, right Mr. Hatch?).  They included teammate Mick in the prayer, but he rolled his eyes a bit, so I think it didn't count.

Natalie's first rope pull was a success compared to Russell's and they took an early lead.  Yay, God!

Evil Russell's team was quickly behind by a significant margin when Natalie put the line on the coconut and dropped 'em all up...no wait...she unleashed scores of coconuts from the heavens...no, no...let's just say that things went poorly from that point on and Evil Russell, Shambo and Jaison were headed for reward.

They arrived at the village where Shambo was attacked by the Samoan natives who threw rocks and spears at her while screaming "Die!  Die, jungle she-devil!"  Oh, I'm just kidding.  I think they were too scared to attack her, so they attempted to appease her by stuffing her with all the foods and alcohol their village could offer in the hopes that she would leave them in peace.

Jaison reminded us how things looked from the angle of a perennial loser:  "I didn't know what a reward was...I've never been on one.  Hey, reward is awesome!"

Back at camp the remaining players had their own reward celebration by collecting snails, which they gobbled down on the beach.  Hey, at least they didn't have to deal with a drunk Shambo that night.

Back at camp, the strategies continued.

Natalie is still in with Russell all the way to the final two:  "Two brains are better than one!"  I wonder where Russell's going to get the other one...

Evil Russell:  "We need to get rid of Brett.  He isn't bigger than me or stronger than me or faster than me."  Says the guy who has yet to win a challenge.

The immunity challenge was a race to a clearing where there were several items to be counted.  The player would take the numbers and return to a playing table where they would use those numbers to form a combination to open a lock, extract a club and beat the remaining players to death.  Just kidding, but seriously, where's the Survivor aspect in all of this?

Brett and Mick raced ahead and were the first to believe they had all of the correct numbers for their combinations, followed by Russell.  Only God knows what Natalie and Shambo were doing.

Brett finished first to win immunity!  I'm starting to think that they extracted Brett while everyone else was sleeping and snuck in Ozzie.

The talk around camp centered around who should go home that night.  Mick or Shambo?

Shambo's down with Russell's plan to remove Mick, although she was concerned when Jaison kept ending furtive conversations every time she approached.

Mick was down with voting off Shambo since...well, it wasn't him.  He's officially reached the point of the game (if he's ever been anywhere else) where he's just cruising along and hoping for the best.  Frankly Evil Russell seems to be the only one since Jonathan got blind-sided that has been doing any planning in this game.

Evil Russell seems undecided about who to keep around.  He likes the idea of Mick because he can help beat Brett in the physical challenges.

At council, the remaining players admitted that they were starting to think about the end game.

They were all worried about Brett because he hadn't been blindsiding anyone and most of the remaining jury was Galu.  No one said it, but I think they were all hoping to be left with Russell at the end because there was a good chance that everyone would be really pissed at him.

Mick dropped a bomb when he indicated to Probst that he had played just an aggressively strategic game as Russell.  Really?  Which season are you watching, Mick?

This was Russell's last week to play a hidden immunity idol, but as a show of panache he decided not to play it, and to keep it as a souvenir.  Erik was going nuts on the jury.  I couldn't tell if he was ready to explode with rage and frustration or if he's now Russell's biggest fan.

The votes went in and Shambo went out.  Whoever they used for her "family moment" had an interesting head of hair as well.  Very 80's.  I suspect she's got another sister who has some 90's thing going on.

This Sunday is the finale where we rehash those who have been voted off before, a few more people get voted out, and we wrap this season up!

See you next time on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week12

Dave is now out of Danger and Monica kicks up some dust on her way out!

Fresh from yet another blindside, Evil Russell tried to mend fences with Shambo since she was feeling a little put out that she wasn't still allowed to be part of the big people's plans.  He claimed that John had been scheming against here and that he worked a blindside behind her back so she wouldn't have to go back on her word to avoid voting him off.

While she was still displeased to have Danger Dave around camp, she seemed somewhat mollified by this.  Of course, Russell completely made it up.

Jaison spent some time chatting with Monica and Brett.  He told them that he and Evil Russell were in cahoots the whole way through the game and that he was just letting Russ look like he was running things.  A bold move considering:

a.  it was completely untrue
b.  Evil Russell can get away with that stuff because he's, well, Evil Russell
c.  he's probably not enamoring himself with the remainder of the Galu tribe which has gone from the most powerful group to practically irrelevant.

Further, Jaison let on that Evil Russell was independently wealthy and didn't really need to win the game for financial reasons.

Brett can't grow a beard to save his life.  I've seen more peach fuzz on a high school kid.  Seriously, he looks like Shaggy.

No reward challenge this week.  There will be two immunity challenges, two tribal councils and two people voted off.

I will handle each council as a separate week for the purpose of the game, so the second person voted off tonight will get one more point for sticking around than the first.

The challenge was Survivor bowling.  Pretty much just like it sounds.

It turns out that Shambo bowls.  Who would have guessed?

Shambo won her heat against Natalie.
Evil Russell surpassed Brett and his two gutter balls.
Jaison beat Monica to continue on.
Dave hit the only strike of the game to go past Mick.

Anyone else notice how much Probst likes to call Dave by his full name "Dave Ball"?  It's getting a little weird.

Shambo beat Russell in the next round and Jaison defeated Dave, who went from a strike on his last game to two gutter balls.

Shambo versus Jaison for immunity!  The king and queen of choke go head to head!

Shambo started off with a gutter ball.  Jaison followed with a gutter ball.  Shambo threw again and got another gutter ball, completing her end of the choke.  Could Jaison manage to toss away an easy chance at immunity?

Alas, no.  He managed to graze a few pins to win.

Back at camp, Shambo is sure that Dave is headed home.  I'm always surprised when people this far into the game are sure of anything.

Mick is fine with following along like a sheep.  Heck, it's gotten him this far.

Monica started working on Evil Russell again.  It was kind of a repeat of last time where she's all "you're so awesome...why do you want to take a chance by keeping someone like Shambo around?"

She did get Evil Russell's blindside muscles twitchy enough to go have a chat with Dave on the beach.

Russell wanted to know why Dave hadn't come to talk with him about sticking around longer.  Didn't he know that Russell was the king?  They discussed a blindside of Shambo.  Dave started to see a ray of hope.

Shambo made a Survivorfest hall of fame quote with the phrase "I'm the Sham with the plan!"  I just died a little inside.

At council Shambo made a big deal out of expressing her distaste over the blindside of John.  It was a good move.  The people who did it didn't care what she thought, but it sounded good to John who was sitting on the jury.

Dave was voted out, leaving the previously powerful Galu with nothing but scraps of their former team.


Back at camp Evil Russell started working to remove any traces of Galu.  Brett was now the biggest threat in the game.  Seriously?  I'm not sure, but I think he might be mute.  Has he said more than ten words on-camera all season?  Has he won anything?

Mick now acknowledges that, while he was voted as leader in the early part of the game, Evil Russell is clearly the leader of this game.

The second immunity challenge was a race through water to retrieve bags that would then be catapulted by a see-saw onto the top of a tower.  I am officially eliminating Natalie, Shambo and Monica right now.

The challenge began and Jaison, Mick and Brett took an early lead.

Probst noted that Natalie was struggling just to keep her swimsuit on.  I think it's a good indication of fake boobs when you lose so much weight that your bikini bottom is falling off when you walk, but your top still fits just fine.  Just sayin'...

It doesn't seem like Monica is heavy enough to catapult the bags to the top of the tower. 

Everyone struggled with the running portion.  They all look really tired.

Brett finished first, just ahead of Mick to win reward!

Back at camp, Evil Russell adjusted his strategy...he now wanted Monica out.

Brett started speaking, which was new.  Mick started to realize that his time for making a bold move to separate from the rest of the group is coming to a close.  He needs to make a move soon.

Monica knew she was in jeopardy, so back to Russell she went.  This time, instead of cajoling him, she tried to get him pissed off.  She told him that Natalie had ratted him out about his financial worth and that Jaison was ready to vote him off.

Evil Russell spent the rest of the day storming around the camp accusing people of talking to the enemy and trying to find out who said what, and to whom.

Jaison was the one who told Galu about his wealth, and while he confessed that he might have told them, he "doesn't remember doing it".  Those of us married men know that the "I don't remember doing it" excuse isn't going to get you very far.  If you haven't learned that lesson yet, please don't try it.

At council, Evil Russell started the festivities by taking out his hidden immunity idol and putting it around his neck.  I like the move for the following reasons:

a.  everyone is starting to consider gunning for him anyway
b.  if people were going to vote for him at council that night, he just set their strategy on its ear
c.  in case he ended up going out without using it he at least let everyone know that he found a record-setting number of immunity idols.

Win or lose, Evil Russell is officially the king of Survivor Samoa.

The jury came in.  Danger Dave looks completely psychotic.  Crazy Jesus hair and, I'm not sure, but I think he was wearing a kilt.

Evil Russell elected to not play the idol.  Turns out he didn't need it.  Monica was voted out, leaving only Brett and Shambo from Galu.

Next week, if anyone is going to do something about Evil Russell it had better be soon.

See you next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest - week 11!

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who got blind-sided this week!

Fresh from council after Laura was cast out after one of her Galu brethren decided he'd rather see her gone than to have a one in ten chance at going himself, Shambo was exultant:  "Medusa has been dethroned!"  I think Sham was mixing her Greek mythologies, but you can forgive her excitement as this was one of the few councils where she actually knew what was going to happen and got to vote for the person who was actually leaving.

John rationalized his decision as rather having Laura go than him taking a small risk.  He didn't seem to be aware or to care that he'd further fractured the quivering mass that was once mighty Galu.  I don't disagree with his thinking, but I'd have loved to see the results of the random stone draw to see who would leave.  If Mick would have been at risk I'm surprised he didn't consider doing the same thing to Natalie.

Monica wasn't happy with having her BFF voted off:  "At some point you need to show loyalty and integrity [in this game]."  Yeah, but I think that was weeks 1-5 maybe.  All bets are off this close to a million bucks, sister.

My oldest pointed out that Monica was just grouchy because (much like Shambo) the people she wants to get voted off seem to stick around.

Survivor auction!

Everyone was thrilled to have an envelope full of cash (fake cash?) waiting for them at tree mail.  It meant the opportunity to buy something that they could eat.

Natalie quickly tossed in 200 smackaroos for a PB&J.  This is where mistakes are often made.  You know that there's better stuff coming, so why cash in on a sandwich?

Shambo paid $240 for a covered dish.  It ended up being sea noodles.  Some kind of sea animal intestines.  I think they had to eat it for a challenge several weeks back.  To her credit, she was happy for the protein and gobbled it down.

Monica spent $340 for another covered dish which turned out to be a whole roasted chicken.  Finger-lickin' good!

The next item was a weird, candle-looking thing that would provide help in the next challenge.  Jaison put on his big boy pants and spent his full $500 on it.  He would find out what it was for later.

Mick spent his $500 on a beer and cheeseburger.  At least at Fuddrucker's you get table service for that kind of change. 

The next item was a clue to the hidden camp idol.  John bought it for $200.  I could almost hear Evil Russell chuckling to himself as he forked over the cash.

Natalie spent $120 for a shower.  John was part of the bidding but let her have it:  "Nobody wants to see me take a shower".  Oddly the shower stall was right out in front of everyone.  As she undressed and started to wash herself they started playing Survivor-style porn music.  Bow-chicka-wow-wow.  Good stuff.  I suspect they brought in extra cameras for the inevitable Suvivor Samoa:  Uncensored!

The next item was a large piece of apple pie.  John won it for $300.  The catch was that he could eat the pie or get an entire pie to share with his tribe.  John opted to have just the one piece all to himself.  I'm not clear if he had taken the whole pie if he would not have gotten some himself.

Nevertheless he didn't engender much good will with his buds.  Evil Russell was especially critical of the "bad play".

Watching the commercial for the show Medium.  How did Patricia Arquette make it into show business with such bad teeth?  Crooked as a dog's hind leg.

Back at camp John looked for the hidden idol with his clue.  When he was unable to find it, he assumed Evil Russell had already located it.  Turns out he was right.

It was time, evidently, to eat the chickens.  In the Thanksgiving show Evil Russell had opened the cage door to let them out and create further chaos.  Evidently that didn't go anywhere or the chickens had figured out that escaping wasn't a great option for them.  Turns out they were wrong about that.

Shambo took the news hard, and apologized to her feathered buddies:  "I'll talk to you when I get to heaven..."

Okay, two things on that:

1.  Are there chickens in heaven?
2.  If there are, can you get into heaven after murdering and eating them and then do you get to talk to them?

I need to know these things.

Mick and Evil Russell did the deed and soon Shambo took ownership of cooking up her little darlings.

Dave decided that this would be a good time to start a fight over how Sham was cooking the chicken.  Probably a bad idea since Shambo was in such a fowl mood...Hehehhehehee...cause the chickens were..sigh.  You try being funny after ten weeks.

That night Shambo had a nightmare that the dead chickens came back to her and told her that she should divest herself of all worldly goods, shave her head and devote the remainder of her life to the great chicken god Colonel Sanders.  That didn't actually happen, but if there are chickens in heaven and any of them have a sense of humor, I think they would have done that.

No, Shambo dreamed that the tribe would vote off Dave at next council.  She believed this would come to pass because she's always been somewhat clairvoyant and believed that it was God's divine inspiration.  I dunno.  Seems like if you're willing to believe that God interrupted your sleep to instruct you to vote Danger Dave off at next council to improve your chances at winning a million dollars, then the chicken god thing doesn't sound quite so crazy, does it?

Evil Russell made sure to egg her on.  He believes in her visions as well, especially when it comes to voting other people off the show.

The immunity challenge was a heavy log at the end of a knotted rope.  After several minutes each player would switch hands and drop back one knot on the rope and repeat until they held on to the unknotted end.  The last one to drop their log would win immunity.

Jaison's reward from the auction was to move forward two knots at any time.

It was a hot and steamy day in Samoa that day, my friends, and our lovable band of castaways courageously battled to keep their sweaty little mitts on the rope.

On the fourth knot everyone was still in the challenge.  Jaison elected to use his auction helper at this point.

Shambo dropped out first, followed quickly by Evil Russell.  He had a charley horse in his forearm, evidently.  I'm starting to wonder if Evil Russell is one of those guys who will never win an individual immunity challenge. 

Monica was out next.  Then John and then Brett.

Shockingly, Natalie was still in it!  I wonder if her freshly cleaned hands were somehow extra sticky.

Mick dropped out.  There goes Natalie.  Jaison and Danger Dave were left.  Dave futilely grasping at his rope end and Jaison looking surprisingly uncomfortable hanging onto his second knot.  Dave eventually gave in to fatigue.

Jaison wins immunity!  Jaison actually won an immunity challenge!  Well, technically he bought the win, but still...I had visions of him being another one not to win a challenge despite being a "physical player".

I can tell you this for certain...if he hadn't bought that helper at auction he would certainly have lost to Dave.

Back at camp Evil Russell and Jonathan were talking about who from Foa Foa should be sent home that night.  John wanted Mick out.  John reminded Evil Russell that he agreed to vote out a Foa Foa person next.  It was a shame to waste the oxygen that Russ used to lie with his reply.

Russ then asked where John had been looking for the idol in a curious how-do-you-like-the-weather-sort-of-way.

John told him and Russ couldn't help but fess up to finding the idol days earlier.  The man simply cannot help himself.  Think of the fun he could have had letting John run around the whole of Samoa looking for an idol that wasn't there.

He laughed to the camera and said "these poor people should close they ears when I start to talk!  'Cause I slipped and told John that I had the idol and now he gotta go!"

Evil Russell went to Danger Dave and told him that he was "next".  Dave seemed rather bewildered but believed it.  He readily accepted Russell's plan to vote John off next.

Russell soon had everyone convinced that Jonathan was the biggest threat (he avoided the topic with Shambo who was still on her vision quest).

Jaison was the lone voice of concern...they were about to do to Shambo what her old tribe had done:  tell her they were voting one way and then go the other.  The main difference was that this meant that Galu would no longer have the majority.

At council Laura still seemed a little steamed.  She wouldn't look at her former tribemates.  This is going to be a tough tribal council for someone.

Probst probed a little as to how the votes would go that night.  When Evil Russell indicated that his vote would be strategic, Shambo did a double take.

This surprised me.  Normally someone with as little self-awareness as her would see her reasoning around taking out Dave and add all kinds of rationale behind it:  he's clever, he's tough at challenges, he wants to finish off Foa Foa, etc.  She seemed to realize that her interest in getting him gone was less about strategy and more about some type of chicken-induced vengeance.

The votes were in and Jonathan went through the classic signs of Survivor denial.

first vote:  Heh.  The guy that I'm voting off wrote my name down.  Poor, deluded bastard.
second vote:  Heh.  Hey, what?
third vote:  Uh, oh...
fourth vote:  Oh, crap!  Why didn't I bring my stuff tonight?

Next week let's see if the blindsides continue on....Survivorfest!