Survivorfest - week 6!

Russell S passes out of the game!

Just after voting yet another tribe member off, Foa Foa returned to a cold and wet camp. The non-stop rain and lack of shelter had obviously begun to take a significant toll on our remaining castaways. The only person who seemed comfortable was Evil Russell.

I'm not clear if it was the old adage that misery loves company or if it was that significant layer of belly fat that was keeping him warm and happy. I could go either way.

Evil Russell chimed in with a nice Survivor Hall of Fame Quote: "If you don't throw up after every challenge you're not doing your job!" I'm going to try that at work. New software release successfully deployed? Check. Applications up and running? Check. Mass amounts of vomit? Check. Who's got clean up duties this week?

Jaison was definitely not coping well. It may have had something to do with the way his hands and feet looked like they were going to fall off. At one point Evil Russell brought him to the water to warm up and he just started laughing hysterically. I'm starting to wonder if he's going to be able to stick things out if the Foa Foa fortunes don't change soon.

Mick wedged himself into the crook of a tree to keep himself warmish and somewhat dry. He also appeared close to the breaking point.

I think it would be interesting to have Probst come to camp bearing a warm robe, slippers and a small tarp and see if anyone wanted to drop out. No? Maybe you'd like to drop out if I offered up some...hamburgers and beer! A massage with chocolate chip cookies?

Back at camp Galu, the tribe continued to lament Russell S's earlier decision to eschew tarps for blankets and pillows. Russell seemed intent on making up for it by working hard at keeping a fire going through the consistent rains.

He kept alluding to being cold, yet he spent most of his time without a shirt. Put on a damned shirt if you're cold! Even if it's wet it should provide some amount of insulating layer. Or throw on some palm leaves or something.

The rain ended and spirits started to rise. IQs stayed in the basement, however. Russell S: "Loooook! There's blue sky out there! And rainbows". That should have been the first sign that something wasn’t quite right with ol’ Russell.

The reward for today's challenge? Piping hot pizza! The rewards challenge was to strap one tribe member into a sphere and have two blind-folded members push him/her around a path to a tabletop maze where the person in the sphere would guide the blind-folded members into...ah, nevermind. It never got that far.

Foa Foa took a modest lead with the ball rolling when Galu got caught up against a tree. When Galu made it to the tabletop maze, Russell S. had started to show signs of exhaustion. With some coaxing he made it to the table where he promptly passed out.

He lay slumped over his corner for quite some time before people started wondering what he was doing. The blindfold didn't help, since you couldn't see any of his face.

Probst called a halt to the game and brought in the medical staff.

To say Russell was out of it would be like saying Kanye West was out of the running for president of the Taylor Swift fan club. He lay down with his eyes rolled back.

Eventually he started speaking, but he clearly wasn't rowing with all oars. I'm pretty sure he said something like this in a very small voice: "I had a dream about a wicked man who took all my clothes and made me hungry...and you were there...and you were there..."

Probst called off the challenge. There would be no piping hot pizza for the winning tribe. The cameramen rejoiced! The pizza would not go to waste. Both tribes, however, would have a date at tribal council that night to vote someone off.

After a while he started to become a little more lucid...until they tried to get him to sit up again. He promptly went la-la again, becoming completely unresponsive.

The medical tech said "his blood pressure is even lower than Mike's was". Well, Russ, at least you won at something.

Probst tried to explain to Russ that he was finished with the game and would be sent home. Russell tried to argue, but it just became pitiful. "You don't want it to end this way, do you?" I'm not sure if he was talking to Probst or himself at that point.

They removed the fork from him, pulled him onto a stretcher and took him away.

People who had Russell S. earned five points for his exciting, albeit early, exit.

Back at Foa Foa, the tribe was concerned about Russell but also upset that the challenge was cancelled. Since they had a lead at that point they were sure that the pizza was all theirs. I wonder if they remember any of the other challenges where they started out with a lead and then choked on it like Ashley on a sea-slug smoothie...

Liz and Natalie could read the writing on the wall. One of them was going home that night and both of them planned to pack their things for tribal council.

Evil Russell took Nat aside and told her to stay focused and that he was doing his best to swing things so that she stayed and Liz went home. Like him or hate him, he's doing a great job at this game. By doing virtually nothing, he's currying favor with another tribe mate and making it look like a lot of work.

Back at Galu, Shambo tracked down the other three girls of the tribe. They had been deciding to vote her off next. Shambo asked what their thoughts were about the vote that night.

The response: "Um....we're not really sure yet." Those of you familiar with my blog will remember this as the #1 sign that your head is next on the chopping block. Right there along with "Gee, we have a tribal council tonight?" and "make sure to say 'hi' to Fred for me back at the resort...ah, I mean, if you happen to get voted off tonight."

Shambo was on to it, but then fell into the "after all I've done for you" routine where she ticks off how many fires she's made and how much food and firewood she's gathered. At this point, if they're willing to oust you, you're well past the point of talking them out of it based on your merits. If you can't appeal to their sense of self-preservation, you don't have a shot.

The rest of the Galu gang, the guys, had decided on their own that Monica needed to go. They needed just one more vote to get it through and Shambo was more than willing to go along with it.

Just another reason why you should never be upfront with someone that you're about to vote off. It leaves them no option but to find someone else who'd like to screw you. Had the other Galu gals tried to convince her that they were going after someone else, she might have stuck with them.

The guys didn't want to lose the secret by bringing in Shambo, but they had to make sure that they had her vote. This is, after all, the person who blabbed the entire contents of the hidden idol clue to everyone at camp. They had the most transparent hypothetical conversation about it:

Erik: "Shambo, if I were you I think you should vote for the same person you voted for last time."

Shambo: "If you were Erik, which person would you be voting for?"

Erik (who, ironically, is Erik): "Um...maybe the same person you voted for last time."

Shambo: "What about you, Jon...if you were Jon, who would you vote for?"

Jon (also Jon): "Um...maybe I might...look, vote Monica, okay, you idiot!"

Of their concern about the news leaking to the other girls: "Shambo, this needs to be kept between us, so you gotta lock it up, all right?"

Shambo: "No worries!" and offered a fist bump to her new partner in the sight of God and everyone.

Erik: "Pounding fists is not 'locking it up'!"

At tribal council, both teams were there. Quite a crowd. I think most were really happy to have shelter and a warm fire. CBS must let them clean up for council, because none of them looked drenched or especially muddy.

Probst gave an update on poor Russell. He was not coming back. He described the incident as "the single scariest moment I've ever had on the show." Survivorfest player Kate would like to ask if anyone else thought that he looked particularly gleeful about this turn of events. He can hear those Nielsen ratings jingle (or whatever it is that Nielsen ratings do).

Erik was asked about his time on the show. He started babbling about how he spent a lot of time praying to God, Samoa or to the island. I think he got confused and thought he was John Locke on Lost.

Probst then asked Danger Dave about his experiences so far. Dave confided that Survivor was the hardest thing he'd ever done...and he'd a lot of hard things. I swear that if they had given him a moment or Probst had bothered to ask that we would have gotten a Coach story about how he was captured in the Amazon by pygmies or something.

Alas, Jeff moved on to the business at hand. In light of the injury and subsequent removal of Russell from the game, there would be no double-elimination this week!

See you next week for more action on...Survivorfest!