Survivorfest week 9!

Randy makes a graceful exit from Nobag!


Back from council, the non-power play portion of the Nobag tribe wanted to know why they voted off Charlie. The reply: "He was the biggest of the big threat! Charlie? "...And a good sport!" The bastard. No wonder they voted him off.


Bob took Sugar aside and fessed up that he hadn't found the idol and that he had decided to make one of his own. Why to people keep doing that? Is there something about being segregated on a remote land with too little food that makes people want to blab about everything?


Time for a Survivor auction. Each contestant was given $500 to bid on items. Evidently what they don't spend they get to keep, since Corinne said "Nothing tastes better than $500...except a million dollars!" It's hard to argue with that.


Randy won the first item. A bowl of peanuts and three cold beers for $150. I'm not sure what the going rate in Gabon is, but I've been in a few pubs where that is a true bargain.


Kenny spent $340 on a mystery item, which was a trip to Exile Island for someone of his choice, and he got to keep their money. He chose Bob and sent him away. He had the option to send himself, ostensibly to look for the hidden idol. Hint, hint, Randy.


Sugar bought another mystery item and was rewarded with chocolate and peanut butter.


Susie won a hot bath and clean clothes. Oddly she spent all of five minutes in the bath before getting out. I guess it is kinda weird to bathe in public in front of a bunch of other people. I know I don't care for it.


Randy jokingly offered $100 to bathe her. I think Susie was willing to pay $300 to have him not do it. I'll chip in $300 just because that isn't the kind of image I want to take to bed with me tonight.

Matty bought a cheeseburger and fries.


Corinne bought a mystery item that she was to open at the immunity challenge. More on this later.


Randy won a mystery item that turned out to be spaghetti and wine. He's going to be stuffed and drunk.


Randy bought the last mystery item. Turned out to be a tray of cookies that he had to share with the tribe. His first question, of course, was "Can I keep 'em all for myself?" No, Randy.


He offered them to each individual and everyone grudgingly took one except Sugar. When he asked her again, she took the last one and gave it away. That didn't sit too well with Randy.

"Sugar! She can kiss my ass!" Again, not an image I want to take to bed.

Randy decided to take the high road at this point "I'm gonna burn the house down!"


Sugar: "I've never seen a grown man get so mad over a chocolate chip cookie." Well, she clearly needs to get out more. I have it on the best authority that it was a missing chocolate cookie that led to Stalin's Great Purge.


Randy didn't appreciate that everyone wasn't falling all over themselves at his forced generosity: "I was treated like a dog!" I'm pretty sure Stalin said the same thing...right before the hangings.


Bob, back at Exile, decided to take another shot at finding the idol rather than choosing comfort. He was disappointed to find that he got nothing more than the second clue that he had already found. He spent the rest of his Exile trip wandering the savannah aimlessly.


My wife suspected that he would be rewarded by getting eaten by a tiger or something.


Randy has settled on a new plan: He's going to act like a total ass and make everyone's life miserable. Wait, I thought that was the old plan.

Ah, phase two of "Operation Strong Arm" would be to hope that Bob will return from Exile Island with the hidden idol. And then Randy will persuade Bob to give him the idol.


Corrine: "That's a great plan!" You've gotta be kidding me. I thought last season's grand strategy to have Eric give up immunity "as a show of faith" was a bad idea, but at least that had a minusule chance of succeeding.


Randy to Matty: "You've been whoring yourself out!" At this point Randy was bouncing around like an angry drunk on a bender.


Randy's plan seemed to be working. Crystal "He is wreaking havoc in the Nobag tribe!" Try to say that out loud without giggling. I dare you.


The immunity challenge is an obstacle course. The first two to complete the course would get to compete in the second phase of the challenge.


Corrine opened the prize she won at auction and was rewarded with a free pass for the first part of the challenge.

Kenny and Matty took an early lead and never looked back. Crystal and Sugar, predictably, sucked. Both spent more time falling off of the balance beam than a drunk gymnast. I'm not sure what happened to Randy. I don't even remember seeing him in this challenge. Maybe he was THAT sure of this great plan.


Matty, Corrine and Kenny squared off for the second phase of the challenge. Each contestant would stack their puzzle pieces like dominos while navigating a system of trip wires designed to knock over the puzzle pieces. The first to set up all the pieces and successfully knock them all over in order would win.


Kenny moved through the wires like a spider monkey, although he did lose some time when he knocked some of his puzzle down. All three finished their puzzles and set them off at the same time. Only Kenny's completed, winning him the challenge and immunity.


Back at camp, Randy shared the results of his rampage "I'm 75% sure that I need the idol". I think it's more like 175%, champ.


Sugar took Bob aside and talked him into giving Randy the fake idol. It's kind of funny since I think only Randy and Corinne seemed to be unaware that Sugar had it.


Corinne caught up with Bob, as well. "You found the idol, right? You should give it to Randy!"


Bob casually flipped out his fake idol when he and Randy were alone in the hut. He was all like "oh yeah, I got this little old thing."


Randy was able to talk him into handing over the "idol".

Really, Randy...you didn't pause for a moment to wonder why Kenny decided not to send himself to Exile Island and instead picked Bob, someone who wasn't even in his power play?


Randy was so pleased to get it that he told Bob that he'd make sure to vote for him if he ended up on the jury. "The hit is on Susie!!" He was so happy he was practically quaking.


At tribal council, Probst made sure to bring up the cookie incident.


Susie indicated that she felt sorry for Randy because he was clearly mentally disturbed. Randy thought that being felt sorry for was just another way of saying "you're pathetic."


Sugar let it all out while she was voting for Randy. "You are a dysfunctional, idiot-brained, bigot who deserves a slow death of creeping rot." Or something like that.


Randy on voting for Susie "This isn't strategic...this is strictly personal."


Whereas most people whisper their little comments, Crystal actually screamed hers. "I hate you, Randy, die, die, die!!!"


Probst asked if anyone had immunity and Randy pulled out the fake idol.


He probably should have known something was up by the way half the tribe was guffawing. Crystal definitely does not have what you'd call a "poker face".

Probst disdainfully declared that the idol was fake and tossed it into the fire, much to the horror of Randy and Corinne and the 8,000 people who would have bid on it after the end of the season on eBay.


Marcus and Charlie were laughing it up on the jury bench, but I think the last laugh was on them. They'd have to be hanging around with a really pissed off Randy at Survivor lodge for the next few weeks.


One last note about Randy. I found it interesting that the one act in the game that he seemed honestly happy and humble about was in receiving the fake idol. I'm pretty sure that's not going to turn around his sour personality any time soon.

My wife declared this was her favorite single episode of Survivor. I think that's mostly because she doesn't like Randy.

Next week, Bob indicates that the late, great Marcus might have palmed the hidden immunity idol that they chucked out to sea and hidden it somewhere around camp.

See you next week on...Survivorfest!