Survivorfest week 6

Holy double blindside, Batman! Ace and Dan are both out of the game!

During the recap section, Probst indicated that Ace's biggest enemy, Kellie, had been voted off. Really? Someone famous once said that a measure of a man can be judged by his enemies. I don't think that bodes well for Ace if Kellie is the best enemy he can come up with. I guess with a tribe like Fang, who needs enemas...er, enemies?

Speaking of Fang's ineptitude, Crystal's big contribution for the week was spilling two days worth of rice on the ground. This left them with about five days worth of rations. With Fang's continuing failure at rewards, CBS will need to merge the tribes shortly or risk losing a couple of people to starvation. Or cannibalism.

As a penance, Crystal abstained from eating a meal. Great, all she needed was another excuse to stink up a challenge.

At Kota, things were a little more laughs and giggles. Corinne related that her mom told her not to curse so much or people would think she's trashy. I don't think Corinne's mom reckoned with Michelle being part of the cast this year.

Dan evidently felt left out of the power faction of the tribe and moped around wishing they would include him more. It led Corinne to wonder if he was a "former fatty" that craved attention and inclusion. Either way, it doesn't look promising for Dan. Just sort of needy and pathetic.

The reward challenge was a game of keep away with a breakable ball. Three members of a tribe pass the basketball-sized ball, while a member of the other tribe would attempt to get them to drop the ball and break it. Each broken ball is a point, first team to three points wins.

For Kota, Corinne and Charlie sat out this challenge.

Randy won the first point for Kota almost immediately. He threw himself at the first person with the ball and that was pretty much that. I'm not sure the camera crew even had time to capture it.

Naturally Randy began his typical grunting and posturing: "It's over!" Turns out, he wasn't wrong.

Sugar groused "Randy is just an ugly person!"

In the second match-up, Sugar spent most of her time chasing the ball in a silly fashion. It looked more like flirting. It was so bad that Matty, who was playing keep away in the other match, stopped to yell at her to step things up. Eventually Fang ran out of luck and they lost their second point.

In the third match, Kota managed to take advantage of the ever-awful Ace to Sugar connection and completed the sweep.

Kota's reward was a luxury chopper ride to the savannah where the tribe enjoyed a wonderful picnic meal.

Turns out Bob is a romantic "The only thing beating faster than the rotors was the beating of my heart!"

Randy was...less so: "The best part of this reward is that they don't get any! They might even be completely out of rice!" How is this man not a high school guidance councilor? I can see how he'd be great to have at weddings: "You smeared her with cake?!? It's over!! It's over!! He'll be hitting on one of the bridesmaids by the end of the reception!"

After the picnic, Kota received letters from home. I'm curious to know who wrote Randy's letter. Was it from his dead dog? Maybe it was from CBS: Dear Randy, keep up the good work! Ratings show that you are now the third most despised Survivor in CBS history."

Bob completely broke down and turned into a blubbering idiot. You'd think that he just watched someone shoot a dozen puppies. The man was howling for gosh sakes!

For Fang, Sugar was sent back to Exile Island. Jeff indicated that it was unprecedented that she be sent there back-to-back-to-back...you get the point.

Back at camp Fang, the tribe had pretty well exhausted their bodies and spirits. Matty, who looks about two more days away from going "Lord of the Flies" was really unhappy with Sugar.

He's was pretty well pissed with everything, actually: "Kota in their goofy chopper, lavishing in their reward...It's maddening!"

He followed with "I don't think in my twenty-nine years of life I've ever been so embarrassed." Well, Matty, the good news is you're still young. You still have things like teenage kids, erectile dysfunction and incontinence to look forward to.

Matty took Ace on a boat ride to try to get him to vote the useless Sugar off. Ace wasn't having any, and stuck to his agreement to keep her around.

In the meantime, Crystal and Kenny took the subtle hint that they were being left out of the planning. They decided they needed to convince Sugar to align with them to blindside Ace.

At the reward challenge, Jeff indicated that both tribes would be heading to tribal council that evening. There would also be two individual immunity idols awarded, one for each tribe.

The challenge was a log roll. Players were matched into random pairs. First person to hit the water would be eliminated, the winner would advance to the next round.

Dan and Ace were paired first. Dan hit the water and Ace advanced.

Charlie and Crystal were next. I don't think Crystal even managed to make it onto the log before she was in the water. To me, it looked like Charlie even stood still to let her get on and try to get her balance.

Marcus and Matty. Close, but Matty fell and Marcus moved on.

Randy and Susie were next. Susie got wet.

Sugar and Kenny were paired. They were the two slowest. Both seemed content to sort of stand on the log, which might have been a good strategy. Kenny eventually fell off first.

Bob and Corinne were last. Bob indicated that he had won a log rolling competition in college. Corinne retorted "of course you did!" Bob showed off a little at first, whistling and putting his hands on his hips. Soon Corinne was in the drink.

Second round had Charlie and Ace. Charlie ended up hitting the water just slightly before Ace, to be eliminated.

Randy and Marcus faced off. Marcus advanced in a close match.

Sugar faced Bob, the log roller. Shockingly, she outlasted him. I guess slow and steady does win the race.

For the final, all three remaining contestants got on the log together. Ace was in the middle of Marcus and Sugar. I thought Ace was at a disadvantage since he couldn't see both of them, but he did well. Maybe just reacting to the shift of balance is the best way to go.

Sugar fell first, followed by Ace.

Marcus won immunity and two points for anyone who has him on their score sheet. He was required to pick the second immunity winner from the other tribe and selected Sugar.

The Suvivorfest score sheet indicates that two points will be awarded for each winner of individual immunity. Since Probst dictated that there would be two immunities awarded, Sugar will be given two points even though technically she was chosen to win, rather than actually winning by her own merit. I think there's a definable difference between this example and someone being given an idol to play or use.

Crystal: "Damn! She has two idols! She's the biggest player in the game!"

Kenny: "I will do anything in my power to get her to vote with me. She may be a pin-up girl, but she's very smart!"

Fang is truly a sucky tribe. Not only can they not win challenges, but one of the most feeble members (by perspective of her efforts during the challenges) was one of the best individual performers in the log rolling challenge and has two layers of immunity! Even their losers stink at being losers.

Ace tried to get Sugar to "lend" him the idol again, but she demurred. Kenny and Crystal appeared to be getting her to lean toward blindsiding her former Sugar-daddy.

At camp, Probst asked Sugar "it's been 21 days, what's going on at camp?" How the heck would she know? She's spent half of it at Exile Island eating fruit and sun-bathing!

Crystal was forced to rehash the rice dropping. Ace averred that "Crystal made a mistake...that's common." Even when he's trying to pass it off, he makes it sound like an insult. That's so cool.

Sugar indicated that everyone should put aside all the petty bullcrap and just try to get along. It's pretty easy to say that when you're well-fed and well-rested.

Matty is starting to look to me like Jack Nicholson at the end of "the Shining".

Ace learned the hard way that, while Sugar is sweet, too much can be bad for you. I'm surprised that Probst didn't drop that line. He'll probably kick himself after he reads this. As he left, he said "Thanks, Sugar." I must say, he took it like a man.

Crystal flashed him some type of gang symbols as he left. I think she used too many fingers.

Back at camp Kota, Dan is freaking out. He's clearly not getting a lot of face time with the power players and he isn't sure what to do besides follow Marcus around and whine.

Marcus: "Dan's a bumbling idiot."

Randy regarding Bob: "As annoying as he is, he's as loyal as the day is long."

Corinne went to recruit Susie to help them oust Dan. Susie then made approximately the sixth biggest mistake in Survivor history when she admitted that she was thinking of voting Corinne out that night before they had their little chat.

This sent Corinne over the edge: "This moron had decided it's time for me to go? I wanted to stab her in the face!" That's not technically trashy for those of you scoring at home. Corinne's mother must be so proud.

Randy, of course, had nothing but gasoline to throw on that fire and had Corinne so angry and worked up that I wondered if she might actually stab her in the face.

At council, Jeff asked Susie if she thought she was the weakest member of the tribe. Surprisingly, she said no. She thought Corinne was. Due to something odd about "upper body strength". She tried to recover, but the icy answers she got back from Corinne might as well have been a shiv to the face.

Dan was still wearing his lawyer tie to council. He clearly seemed uncomfortable with the thought of voting anyone off. Maybe he just isn't cut out for this game.

Dan was voted off in a close margin between him and Susie. I must admint I'm a little disappointed that I won't know whether Dan would have been wearing that silly tie all the way to the last tribal council. It would have looked great with his four-inch beard and crazy eyes.

I was surprised to see that Corinne had voted for Dan, but then it made sense. The tribe wasn't completely sure whether Dan had the hidden immunity idol since he spent the first few days on Exile Island as a member of Fang.

They voted in such a way that Dan would be removed if he didn't have or play the idol and, if he did, Susie would have been out.

I was amused to see that Susie looked pleased and relieved not to have been voted off. Don't get too comfortable, girl. If you survive the night, you may be enjoying a mojito at the resort soon.

Next week: I'm not sure what happens, but it seems to involve Randy drinking on a beach, claiming to be Survivor king and lots of nudity. I'm in.

See you next week on....Survivorfest!