Survivorfest week 3

Jacque cries herself a river and floats out of the game.


She's the fourth straight female to be voted out of Survivor Gabon. Where's the love, girls? One more week of this and we'll need to rename this season Survivor Testosterone.


In the credits they made a point of rehashing G.C.'s feebleness. They also revealed that Kellie was the other person who voted for Ace in the last council. I wasn't sure, so I'm glad they clarified.


Ace related that going to tribal council was like having his wisdom teeth pulled. He was aware that Kellie voted for him and indicated that she would be the next lamb led to the slaughter (sluw-tuh). What a drama queen.


Ken looks like he's either been half-eaten by bugs or neglected to have some of his pre-African-trip shots. I think he's about ready for an appearance in a George Romero flick.


Randy is still irritated that half the food is gone and no one is interested in rationing. I suppose the others, unconcerned, have a point...I doubt CBS would let them starve.


Randy did chime in with a Survivor Hall of Fame quote: "We have a cancer and its name is G.C.!"


The strong Fang alliance is Randy, Dan, Matty and Susie. Susie is jazzed that she isn't likely to be voted out immediately. She'd probably enjoy it more if they would quit asking her to make up the rooms. Just kidding.


Jeff brings the tribes together to form a tribe ranking. Each tribe would indicate which position in the tribe each individual seems to have. Strongest members on one side, weakest on the other.


My daughter blurted "you never put yourself as number 1! Always number 3!" I asked her what you should do if you ARE the best. She indicated that in that case, number 2 was okay.


Kellie is listed as the weakest link in her tribe. She was not happy about it but after several challenges, she's had a chance to show them something.


Ace confided that she was the weakest in his opinion and he hates her to pieces. So much so, that he started dropping his fake British accent.


Crystal was listed as number 4 and was definitely pissed. Maybe she thought she should have been number three. I suspect the part when they had to drag her sorry butt up the hill the first day might have played into the ranking.


G.C was dead last for Fang and couldn't believe it! I can't blame him. I wouldn't be happy being rated behind Kenny.


G.C. blurted, and I'm not making this up, "Kenny picked before me!?! That's not good for a pimp!"


I may not be the most with it, or as all the cool kids would say..."hip"...but I can't figure out when and where being a pimp became something one should aspire to. At least in public. His mom must be so proud.


Jeff told the playas that they were going to pick new teams! The sound you just heard was the fall of the shortest alliance in Survivor history. Sorry, Fang.


Since Marcus and Matty were listed as top tribemates, they started the schoolyard pick.


Marc took Dan and Matty took Ace.


Dan chose Charlie and Ace chose Crystal. Charlie practically pranced over to his good pal Marcus. "Yeah! Marcus and I have each other's backs...I just LOVE Marcus!" Easy, there chief.


Charlie took Randy and Crystal took Jacque.


Randy took Corinne and Jacque chose Ken. I don't know why, but I got a sense of foreboding when Randy picked Corinne. I have a feeling he'll be sorry. We'll see...


Corrine picked Susie and Ken was left with Kellie, Sugar or G.C. I predicted he'd pick a girl. He had to. It may be his only chance to reproduce some day. Sure enough, he took Kellie. Why? "She's hot!" Do I know my pathetic losers or what?


Susie picked Bob. Poor Bob, almost last. How his stock has fallen since it became clear he was not the second coming of the Yau. Kellie, left with no other choice, picked "G-Sizzle". The pimp.


That left Sugar without a tribe to call her own. Jeff sent her off to Exile Island until someone else was voted off.


I felt that Ace should have tried harder to get Sugar picked for his team. After all they had such a tight, wonderful bond. Ah, well. What do you expect from a non-pimp, fake-accent smarmy guy.


I felt a little sorry for Sugar. Relegated to Exile Island when she already had the idol. That is, until I remembered that she could choose "comfort". She spent the day lounging in a hammock, eating fruit and sunning.


Randy kept the one liners coming "If they vote me off I'll burn the camp down!"


Awesome. Kellie and Jacque are in the same tribe. I can't tell the two of them apart. They should have to wear name tags for the first six weeks.


Kellie related that she's a salesperson and can "even change my personality and act like things." Like...a chair? Maybe a toaster? Both would have been more use that her in some of the previous challenges.


Ken continued to impress (not). Referring to his choice of Kellie: "I knew I could sway her to my side. Plus she's hot!"


My daughter weighed in with "I think he has some problems. He's not strategetic." Indeed.


Tree mail brings a lacrosse stick to camp. Corinne noted "It's a lacrosse stick...oh, crap!" I often have that reaction to lacrosse sticks.


Marcus seemed to know how to use one. As you might recall from his bio, I called him Biff. Score.


Randy keeps 'em coming: "I will do my best despite hating each and every one of you." This man is unstoppable. He's already one of my top ten favorite Survivors. The rest of the tribe just laughed..."Oh, Randy! You so crazy!"


The immunity challenge was raft lacrosse. First team to three would win immunity.


It's over almost immediately. I don't even think Fang got a stick on the ball. Here's a nice summary: Marcus to Randy into the net.


Kellie and Crystal did little more than spin around.


Ken looked like he was baling out a toilet.


Ace gave it a game effort and actually came close to the ball.


G.C. was nowhere to be found.


Later Ace indicated that they were like "legless chickens against sleek weasels." I'm speechless. I don't think I could come up with a metaphor that twisted with a whole week's notice. I guess it was a simile. I've never been much good at those.


Jeff summed it up with: "That was one of the worst performances I've ever seen."


Back at camp G.C. had the nerve to tell Ken "Kenny you SUCKED out there!" Pot, kettle, black.


I'm appalled that G.C., one of the biggest losers this season, seems to be leading his tribe. What is wrong here? Must be some type of magic pimp aura.


The power play of GC, Crystal, Ken and Matty were reluctant to vote out Kellie, even though she seemed to be weakest. They were concerned that Jacque was tight with Ace and that, assuming Sugar had the hidden immunity idol, Ace would have an advantage. Well, at least they're giving it some thought.


Matty's was not sure he liked the idea, since Jacque is a strong player. He indicated that they were going to vote Susie out next previously, why not stick with that strategy. Huh? What happened to the great four person alliance, Matty?


Jacque found out about the plan and confronted Ken. Ken, it turns out, is a lousy liar. Jacque had him flipped pretty much at the word go. He warned her that his vote meant nothing though and Jacque would have to talk to Crystal.


Jacque pulled Crystal aside and pledged her undying loyalty to her. Even squeezed out a few tears. Crying? There's no crying in Survivor! It's outwit, outlast, outwhine now?


At tribal council Jeff stirred the pot again. He asked Kellie if there was anyone weaker than her in the last challenge. She called out Ken and Crystal.


Crystal, the Olympic athlete, did not take kindly to this "I couldn't control the boat! I was in the game, just not as much as I usually do!"

In all fairness, she was spinning her boat in tighter circles and grousing about being unable to move more than anyone else.


Ken told Jeff that they needed more physical players, so Kellie and Jacque should be the most worried about getting the boot. Um. Ken, I'm pretty sure either one could kick your scrawny little ass.

The votes went in, and although Kellie had a few, Jacque was eliminated.

Next week: Animals attack and pimp G.C. goes missing! See you on the next...Survivorfest!