Survivorfest week 6

Holy double blindside, Batman! Ace and Dan are both out of the game!

During the recap section, Probst indicated that Ace's biggest enemy, Kellie, had been voted off. Really? Someone famous once said that a measure of a man can be judged by his enemies. I don't think that bodes well for Ace if Kellie is the best enemy he can come up with. I guess with a tribe like Fang, who needs enemas...er, enemies?

Speaking of Fang's ineptitude, Crystal's big contribution for the week was spilling two days worth of rice on the ground. This left them with about five days worth of rations. With Fang's continuing failure at rewards, CBS will need to merge the tribes shortly or risk losing a couple of people to starvation. Or cannibalism.

As a penance, Crystal abstained from eating a meal. Great, all she needed was another excuse to stink up a challenge.

At Kota, things were a little more laughs and giggles. Corinne related that her mom told her not to curse so much or people would think she's trashy. I don't think Corinne's mom reckoned with Michelle being part of the cast this year.

Dan evidently felt left out of the power faction of the tribe and moped around wishing they would include him more. It led Corinne to wonder if he was a "former fatty" that craved attention and inclusion. Either way, it doesn't look promising for Dan. Just sort of needy and pathetic.

The reward challenge was a game of keep away with a breakable ball. Three members of a tribe pass the basketball-sized ball, while a member of the other tribe would attempt to get them to drop the ball and break it. Each broken ball is a point, first team to three points wins.

For Kota, Corinne and Charlie sat out this challenge.

Randy won the first point for Kota almost immediately. He threw himself at the first person with the ball and that was pretty much that. I'm not sure the camera crew even had time to capture it.

Naturally Randy began his typical grunting and posturing: "It's over!" Turns out, he wasn't wrong.

Sugar groused "Randy is just an ugly person!"

In the second match-up, Sugar spent most of her time chasing the ball in a silly fashion. It looked more like flirting. It was so bad that Matty, who was playing keep away in the other match, stopped to yell at her to step things up. Eventually Fang ran out of luck and they lost their second point.

In the third match, Kota managed to take advantage of the ever-awful Ace to Sugar connection and completed the sweep.

Kota's reward was a luxury chopper ride to the savannah where the tribe enjoyed a wonderful picnic meal.

Turns out Bob is a romantic "The only thing beating faster than the rotors was the beating of my heart!"

Randy was...less so: "The best part of this reward is that they don't get any! They might even be completely out of rice!" How is this man not a high school guidance councilor? I can see how he'd be great to have at weddings: "You smeared her with cake?!? It's over!! It's over!! He'll be hitting on one of the bridesmaids by the end of the reception!"

After the picnic, Kota received letters from home. I'm curious to know who wrote Randy's letter. Was it from his dead dog? Maybe it was from CBS: Dear Randy, keep up the good work! Ratings show that you are now the third most despised Survivor in CBS history."

Bob completely broke down and turned into a blubbering idiot. You'd think that he just watched someone shoot a dozen puppies. The man was howling for gosh sakes!

For Fang, Sugar was sent back to Exile Island. Jeff indicated that it was unprecedented that she be sent there back-to-back-to-back...you get the point.

Back at camp Fang, the tribe had pretty well exhausted their bodies and spirits. Matty, who looks about two more days away from going "Lord of the Flies" was really unhappy with Sugar.

He's was pretty well pissed with everything, actually: "Kota in their goofy chopper, lavishing in their reward...It's maddening!"

He followed with "I don't think in my twenty-nine years of life I've ever been so embarrassed." Well, Matty, the good news is you're still young. You still have things like teenage kids, erectile dysfunction and incontinence to look forward to.

Matty took Ace on a boat ride to try to get him to vote the useless Sugar off. Ace wasn't having any, and stuck to his agreement to keep her around.

In the meantime, Crystal and Kenny took the subtle hint that they were being left out of the planning. They decided they needed to convince Sugar to align with them to blindside Ace.

At the reward challenge, Jeff indicated that both tribes would be heading to tribal council that evening. There would also be two individual immunity idols awarded, one for each tribe.

The challenge was a log roll. Players were matched into random pairs. First person to hit the water would be eliminated, the winner would advance to the next round.

Dan and Ace were paired first. Dan hit the water and Ace advanced.

Charlie and Crystal were next. I don't think Crystal even managed to make it onto the log before she was in the water. To me, it looked like Charlie even stood still to let her get on and try to get her balance.

Marcus and Matty. Close, but Matty fell and Marcus moved on.

Randy and Susie were next. Susie got wet.

Sugar and Kenny were paired. They were the two slowest. Both seemed content to sort of stand on the log, which might have been a good strategy. Kenny eventually fell off first.

Bob and Corinne were last. Bob indicated that he had won a log rolling competition in college. Corinne retorted "of course you did!" Bob showed off a little at first, whistling and putting his hands on his hips. Soon Corinne was in the drink.

Second round had Charlie and Ace. Charlie ended up hitting the water just slightly before Ace, to be eliminated.

Randy and Marcus faced off. Marcus advanced in a close match.

Sugar faced Bob, the log roller. Shockingly, she outlasted him. I guess slow and steady does win the race.

For the final, all three remaining contestants got on the log together. Ace was in the middle of Marcus and Sugar. I thought Ace was at a disadvantage since he couldn't see both of them, but he did well. Maybe just reacting to the shift of balance is the best way to go.

Sugar fell first, followed by Ace.

Marcus won immunity and two points for anyone who has him on their score sheet. He was required to pick the second immunity winner from the other tribe and selected Sugar.

The Suvivorfest score sheet indicates that two points will be awarded for each winner of individual immunity. Since Probst dictated that there would be two immunities awarded, Sugar will be given two points even though technically she was chosen to win, rather than actually winning by her own merit. I think there's a definable difference between this example and someone being given an idol to play or use.

Crystal: "Damn! She has two idols! She's the biggest player in the game!"

Kenny: "I will do anything in my power to get her to vote with me. She may be a pin-up girl, but she's very smart!"

Fang is truly a sucky tribe. Not only can they not win challenges, but one of the most feeble members (by perspective of her efforts during the challenges) was one of the best individual performers in the log rolling challenge and has two layers of immunity! Even their losers stink at being losers.

Ace tried to get Sugar to "lend" him the idol again, but she demurred. Kenny and Crystal appeared to be getting her to lean toward blindsiding her former Sugar-daddy.

At camp, Probst asked Sugar "it's been 21 days, what's going on at camp?" How the heck would she know? She's spent half of it at Exile Island eating fruit and sun-bathing!

Crystal was forced to rehash the rice dropping. Ace averred that "Crystal made a mistake...that's common." Even when he's trying to pass it off, he makes it sound like an insult. That's so cool.

Sugar indicated that everyone should put aside all the petty bullcrap and just try to get along. It's pretty easy to say that when you're well-fed and well-rested.

Matty is starting to look to me like Jack Nicholson at the end of "the Shining".

Ace learned the hard way that, while Sugar is sweet, too much can be bad for you. I'm surprised that Probst didn't drop that line. He'll probably kick himself after he reads this. As he left, he said "Thanks, Sugar." I must say, he took it like a man.

Crystal flashed him some type of gang symbols as he left. I think she used too many fingers.

Back at camp Kota, Dan is freaking out. He's clearly not getting a lot of face time with the power players and he isn't sure what to do besides follow Marcus around and whine.

Marcus: "Dan's a bumbling idiot."

Randy regarding Bob: "As annoying as he is, he's as loyal as the day is long."

Corinne went to recruit Susie to help them oust Dan. Susie then made approximately the sixth biggest mistake in Survivor history when she admitted that she was thinking of voting Corinne out that night before they had their little chat.

This sent Corinne over the edge: "This moron had decided it's time for me to go? I wanted to stab her in the face!" That's not technically trashy for those of you scoring at home. Corinne's mother must be so proud.

Randy, of course, had nothing but gasoline to throw on that fire and had Corinne so angry and worked up that I wondered if she might actually stab her in the face.

At council, Jeff asked Susie if she thought she was the weakest member of the tribe. Surprisingly, she said no. She thought Corinne was. Due to something odd about "upper body strength". She tried to recover, but the icy answers she got back from Corinne might as well have been a shiv to the face.

Dan was still wearing his lawyer tie to council. He clearly seemed uncomfortable with the thought of voting anyone off. Maybe he just isn't cut out for this game.

Dan was voted off in a close margin between him and Susie. I must admint I'm a little disappointed that I won't know whether Dan would have been wearing that silly tie all the way to the last tribal council. It would have looked great with his four-inch beard and crazy eyes.

I was surprised to see that Corinne had voted for Dan, but then it made sense. The tribe wasn't completely sure whether Dan had the hidden immunity idol since he spent the first few days on Exile Island as a member of Fang.

They voted in such a way that Dan would be removed if he didn't have or play the idol and, if he did, Susie would have been out.

I was amused to see that Susie looked pleased and relieved not to have been voted off. Don't get too comfortable, girl. If you survive the night, you may be enjoying a mojito at the resort soon.

Next week: I'm not sure what happens, but it seems to involve Randy drinking on a beach, claiming to be Survivor king and lots of nudity. I'm in.

See you next week on....Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 5!

Kellie was, like, voted off and stuff.


Back from tribal council, Matty started pining for his girlfriend. And his dog. He started grinding out a ring for her...um, the girlfriend. I'm not sure what he was making the ring out of, but it sort of looked like a hunk of dung.


Matty and Ace decided it was time to work together. As part of their deal they each had their "bitches" that they would get to keep. Ace's was Sugar and Matty's was, well, Kenny.


I thought it was classy when they each had to swear on something sacred to them. Matty swore on his aforementioned girlfriend and Ace swore on Jonny Fairplay's dead grandmother. Just kidding.

Sugar volunteered to give Ace her idol. I really have to wonder what she was thinking. She almost seemed embarrassed to have the idol, especially since everyone seems to know. Heck, why not give it away? We'll see if this bold strategy pays off for her. Somewhere, Erik the idiot is yelling "Noooooooo! Don't do it!"


Ace took this turn of events with his typical humility "I went from a position of no power to a position of supremacy!" Does that mean he has Probst's job now?

Kelly seemed to have gravitated from using "dude" in every sentence to using "like". I suspect grammar teachers around the country are DVR'ing her to show to their students. "Do you really want to sound like this!?!"

Starvation was beginning to set in at Fang. You could almost see the palpable change in Kenny as he quit looking over at Kelly, thinking he'd like to score with her and now wondered what she'd be like with a side of beans and some fruit cocktail (smack, smack).

Back at Kota, Dan was hogging all the food! Evidently he was starving or something. He probably should have taken a cue to slow down when everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him.

At reward challenge when Jeff let Kota know that pimp GC has been voted off the previous day. Randy was so excited he even did a fist pump. It's nice that he can let his hatred of others transcend tribal boundaries.

The reward challenge was for each team to carry a 200 pound snake around a track. First team to catch up to and tag the other won a bunch of food. All the reward challenges seem to be about food...I think CBS is really hoping for Fang to win so they can actually participate in the challenges.


Kota sat Corinne.


As they started out, Jeff was his typical helpful self "you're gonna get tired and you're gonna quit!" I wonder if he does motivational speaking in the off-season.


Sugar and Kenny dropped out first for Fang. Then Kellie. Fang sped up a little at this point.



Susie dropped out for Kota.


Fang had Matty, Ace and Crystal. Crystal, the Olympic athlete, was soon toast and dropped out. Poor Ace tried to keep up with Matty, but didn't have the stamina for it. The challenge was over pretty quick.


Randy exhorted "Not even close! Not even close!!" They should let Randy color commentate future challenges. He'd be fun.


While Kota enjoyed the fruits (actually Danishes) of their victory, Fang stood on and watched.


Kellie asked "Can you share?"
to which Randy replied "Nooooo." Then he gave her a view of some chewed food.


Crystal broke down in tears. Randy, ever the gentleman replied with "wah!" Yeah, he's my favorite.


Kota chose Sugar to head to Exile again. Where she started to cry. Evidently she felt guilty about having tons of food to eat and a nice hammock while her tribe starved. Don't fret, Sugar. Your tribe feels bad enough about that for all of you.

Randy's gloating got a lot of attention this week. I wonder if he's starting to tire of keeping to the background.


Randy: "I love to win challenges, but I especially love watching them lose!"


Crystal: "Randy is a troll. He's a troll under a bridge."


Crystal was concerned that her breakdown after the challenge might strike her tribe as a sign that she was becoming Coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. She assured them "don't take my tears as a sign of weakness!" I rather think her pitiful challenge performances are a sign of weakness.


Crystal added "Kelly hasn't had two words to say to me since we got back and now she's gonna feel the wrath of Crystal." She confronted Ace and Kelly in the jungle and reiterated that she still had her game.


Crystal stepped up with this Survivor Hall of Fame quote: "Everyone gets depressed...Mine just comes out of my eyes!"


Back at Kota, Randy found a turtle. I suspected it wouldn't end well for the turtle...unless it was suicidal. Turns out Marcus knew just how to cook one. Yup. Scratch one turtle.

There are hippos in the water, too. I wonder if the tribes are allowed to kill and eat them. That would be an entertaining challenge in and of itself.


For the immunity challenge the tribes were broken up into three pairs each. They would travel through an obstacle course to get pipe shaped puzzle pieces and then assemble them.


Bob and Randy were paired. Randy was a little slow, but Bob is a whiz with knots.

Kellie and Sugar were paired, They were really quick through the course, but got held up at the knot portion. By the time they had to get back, they had lost a bit of ground.


Corinne and Charlie went next with Ace and Crystal. My wife thinks that Charlie is wearing pants from the show F-Troop. Those of you who didn't know what a 45 spacer was won't know this one, either.


It was pretty close for the next groups: Dan and Marcus and Kenny and Matty. Dan and Marcus were like a force of nature. I was surprised how quick Kenny was. He did a good job of keeping up with Matty, who is starting to remind me of a less talented Ozzy.

Kenny and Matty took a big lead by climbing over the obstacles instead of through them. You could almost hear Probst thinking "Damn! Gotta make that against the rules for next time."


Kota had a slight lead in getting all the pieces but it was close. Fang struggled with putting the pieces together. Ace actually called Crystal off, but couldn't complete the puzzle. Another loss for Fang.


Randy gloated again. I'm surprised someone hasn't punched him yet.


Back at camp Crystal let it out "Ace is a tyrant and a bully!"


Ace told us "I was was expecting more from Kelly" Really? Has he seen her at all in any of these challenges?

Ace and Matty discussed dropping Kelly. Matty doesn't think Kenny would have a problem with it. I suspect he'd be reluctant to part with his pretend hottie girlfriend.


Crystal wanted to argue because she really hates Ace. And Kelly. Frankly I don't think she likes anyone. She's probably wondering what would happen if she started putting Randy's name down at tribal council.


Sugar told Kenny that she gave the idol to Ace. Does this girl have any sense of how to play this game? She certainly appears to be going through without any semblance of a plan.

To counter the sinking feeling that she may have made a mistake (and probably from the sixty-five cell phone calls that Erik the idiot left for her) she asked Ace for the idol back. I don't think we've seen a re-gifting of the idol in Survivor history before.

At council Jeff wondered aloud where it all went wrong.


Matty replied with "we're cursed!"

Ace took the blame for the puzzle part of the challenge. Like him or hate him, you gotta admit that he has been playing this game with his own sense of style.

Crystal went after Kelly at council and the gloves were off. Kelly admitted she thought Crystal was too emotional and shouldn't have broken down in front of the other tribe.


Jeff clarified "She didn't say you were weak, just unstable" Crystal seemed okay with that.


Then Ace and Kelly got into it when she tried to drag him in to the fight with Crystal. "I'd be surprised if you understood half of what I was saying". Add a few more "dudes" and "likes" and I'm sure she will.


Kelly was voted out in a landslide, going back to this season's pattern of voting all the women out after taking a brief hiatus with GC.


See you next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 4!

Week 4 and G-Sizzle pimps out!

Back from tribal council, Ace showed some character by thinking of Sugar. "She hasn't eaten in three days." It would have been more touching if she hadn't been lounging in the comfort shack, pigging out on fresh fruits and working on her tan.

True to form, he followed it up with "I've got Sugar in my pocket!" Probably some roaches, too.

When Sugar did return, she confessed to spending time in the "Sugar Shack". She said that she quit looking for the idol because it was too hard to find. Probably not a bright move. Maybe after the third time, but the second?

Kota was busy catching fish. Electric fish as it turned out. I was skeptical, but here's the proof: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_catfish

Matty found an elephant! I wondered if the tribe knew the signs of an angry elephant. I'm pretty sure ripping trees out of the ground and throwing them around might be one of them.

Matty and Ace took the kayak for a closer look. My oldest daughter: "Those guys are frickin' idiots!"

I wonder if the other members of Fang realized that it wouldn't have taken much to erase two members of their tribe. If Randy was still around he probably would have jumped up, screamed and thrown a pineapple or something. Then taunted the guys in the kayak as they were gored. Is it any wonder that he's my favorite?

The reward challenge was interesting. Members of the tribe were to throw pieces of fruit through a hole in a fence to a partner. Members of the other tribe guarded the holes with a bat. The tribe with the most fruit by weight would win the challenge.

Winner would get...an herb garden. What a lame prize. Of course Bob started pumping his fist. What a dweeb. He'd probably be psyched to get a rain gauge, too.

Of the "blockers" I think only Ace may have played baseball. He swung the club like he knew what he was doing. That is, until he took a melon to his melon and went down.

GC was pathetic as usual. His first two tosses looked like he was serving up pitches to Bob. I doubt the throws would have even made it through the hole.

Kota adapted quickly and started throwing two pieces of fruit. This was the difference and they won by a small margin.

I feel sorry for Ace. He continues to step up for the important parts of the challenges, does well, individually, and the tribe still manages to lose.

Sugar was sent back to Exile Island and her Sugar Shack. Dan indicated "you might as well forward her mail there. No strategy, just comedy."

Jeff told Sugar that she could probably show him the way to the Sugar Shack. What a flirt.

Back at camp, Charlie I noticed Charlie was wearing 70s shorts. Very tacky.

Randy: "Did I kick ass or what?"

Sugar at Exile seemed to be eating better quality fruit than what I can get at the store. "I am definitely happy...and fat!"

Back at camp, Fang is cracking up. GC seemed to be completely losing it. Ace seemed amused to watch the carnage.

Tree mail, and it turns out that Matty reads like a third grader. At least he's good at spotting elephants.

Just before the challenge, GC went missing. Perhaps he was trying to round up some ho's. Kellie wonders if maybe he was eaten by a monkey. That would have been awesome.

Kellie cracks me up. Every sentence she utters seems to start with the word "dude".

The challenge was to roll wicker balls down a hill while blind-folded blockers use shields to try to stop the balls from going into goals. Callers help the blockers.

Ace defended for Fang, and Dan for Kota. Sugar was Ace's caller and Randy was Dan's.

Jeff instructs Charlie and Matty to grab their balls and head up the hill. Ahem. Someone really should have said something.

Sugar clearly wasn't up to this challenge. Or maybe she just didn't like telling Ace what to do. I don't think I heard her speak during the entire challenge.

The coup de grace was when Ace took a shield to the face. He's having a rough week.

The last round came with Kota up one point. Dan stopped his ball and Ace was moving toward his when Randy yelled "freeze, Ace! Right there!" And he did. And Sugar just stood there and shrugged. What was she thinking? What was he thinking?

Jeff told Fang they were headed for tribal again. He seemed to be getting irritated with them. You know you're in trouble when Jeff tells you you suck.

Back at camp, G-Sizzle told Matty he wanted to quit. That's no way for a pimp to talk!

Ace to Sugar "At some point soon I may call on you to use the idol." He sounded like Vito Corleone.

While Ace and Sugar were conversing, the rest of the tribe took the opportunity to go through Sugar's bag and found the immunity idol.

Crystal blurted "That makes her the most dangerous person right now in this game!" Yup, Sugar = dangerous. Gives you cavities, too.

She attempted to rally the rest of the tribe to blindside Sugar while they had the chance.

At tribal, Sugar called out GC for wanting to quit.

Jeff probed some more...GC looked like he was ready to cry. Sugar then did. I suspect it's all that pomegranate juice leaking out of her eyes.

GC confided that he was voting for Kellie because "he had to vote for somebody" Man, he can't even quit the game right!

Despite Crystal's assertion that Sugar needed to be blindsided, GC was voted off. GC indicated that he had the utmost respect for anyone who played the game and walked in his shoes. After four weeks I don't think I would want any part of his shoes.

See you next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 3

Jacque cries herself a river and floats out of the game.


She's the fourth straight female to be voted out of Survivor Gabon. Where's the love, girls? One more week of this and we'll need to rename this season Survivor Testosterone.


In the credits they made a point of rehashing G.C.'s feebleness. They also revealed that Kellie was the other person who voted for Ace in the last council. I wasn't sure, so I'm glad they clarified.


Ace related that going to tribal council was like having his wisdom teeth pulled. He was aware that Kellie voted for him and indicated that she would be the next lamb led to the slaughter (sluw-tuh). What a drama queen.


Ken looks like he's either been half-eaten by bugs or neglected to have some of his pre-African-trip shots. I think he's about ready for an appearance in a George Romero flick.


Randy is still irritated that half the food is gone and no one is interested in rationing. I suppose the others, unconcerned, have a point...I doubt CBS would let them starve.


Randy did chime in with a Survivor Hall of Fame quote: "We have a cancer and its name is G.C.!"


The strong Fang alliance is Randy, Dan, Matty and Susie. Susie is jazzed that she isn't likely to be voted out immediately. She'd probably enjoy it more if they would quit asking her to make up the rooms. Just kidding.


Jeff brings the tribes together to form a tribe ranking. Each tribe would indicate which position in the tribe each individual seems to have. Strongest members on one side, weakest on the other.


My daughter blurted "you never put yourself as number 1! Always number 3!" I asked her what you should do if you ARE the best. She indicated that in that case, number 2 was okay.


Kellie is listed as the weakest link in her tribe. She was not happy about it but after several challenges, she's had a chance to show them something.


Ace confided that she was the weakest in his opinion and he hates her to pieces. So much so, that he started dropping his fake British accent.


Crystal was listed as number 4 and was definitely pissed. Maybe she thought she should have been number three. I suspect the part when they had to drag her sorry butt up the hill the first day might have played into the ranking.


G.C was dead last for Fang and couldn't believe it! I can't blame him. I wouldn't be happy being rated behind Kenny.


G.C. blurted, and I'm not making this up, "Kenny picked before me!?! That's not good for a pimp!"


I may not be the most with it, or as all the cool kids would say..."hip"...but I can't figure out when and where being a pimp became something one should aspire to. At least in public. His mom must be so proud.


Jeff told the playas that they were going to pick new teams! The sound you just heard was the fall of the shortest alliance in Survivor history. Sorry, Fang.


Since Marcus and Matty were listed as top tribemates, they started the schoolyard pick.


Marc took Dan and Matty took Ace.


Dan chose Charlie and Ace chose Crystal. Charlie practically pranced over to his good pal Marcus. "Yeah! Marcus and I have each other's backs...I just LOVE Marcus!" Easy, there chief.


Charlie took Randy and Crystal took Jacque.


Randy took Corinne and Jacque chose Ken. I don't know why, but I got a sense of foreboding when Randy picked Corinne. I have a feeling he'll be sorry. We'll see...


Corrine picked Susie and Ken was left with Kellie, Sugar or G.C. I predicted he'd pick a girl. He had to. It may be his only chance to reproduce some day. Sure enough, he took Kellie. Why? "She's hot!" Do I know my pathetic losers or what?


Susie picked Bob. Poor Bob, almost last. How his stock has fallen since it became clear he was not the second coming of the Yau. Kellie, left with no other choice, picked "G-Sizzle". The pimp.


That left Sugar without a tribe to call her own. Jeff sent her off to Exile Island until someone else was voted off.


I felt that Ace should have tried harder to get Sugar picked for his team. After all they had such a tight, wonderful bond. Ah, well. What do you expect from a non-pimp, fake-accent smarmy guy.


I felt a little sorry for Sugar. Relegated to Exile Island when she already had the idol. That is, until I remembered that she could choose "comfort". She spent the day lounging in a hammock, eating fruit and sunning.


Randy kept the one liners coming "If they vote me off I'll burn the camp down!"


Awesome. Kellie and Jacque are in the same tribe. I can't tell the two of them apart. They should have to wear name tags for the first six weeks.


Kellie related that she's a salesperson and can "even change my personality and act like things." Like...a chair? Maybe a toaster? Both would have been more use that her in some of the previous challenges.


Ken continued to impress (not). Referring to his choice of Kellie: "I knew I could sway her to my side. Plus she's hot!"


My daughter weighed in with "I think he has some problems. He's not strategetic." Indeed.


Tree mail brings a lacrosse stick to camp. Corinne noted "It's a lacrosse stick...oh, crap!" I often have that reaction to lacrosse sticks.


Marcus seemed to know how to use one. As you might recall from his bio, I called him Biff. Score.


Randy keeps 'em coming: "I will do my best despite hating each and every one of you." This man is unstoppable. He's already one of my top ten favorite Survivors. The rest of the tribe just laughed..."Oh, Randy! You so crazy!"


The immunity challenge was raft lacrosse. First team to three would win immunity.


It's over almost immediately. I don't even think Fang got a stick on the ball. Here's a nice summary: Marcus to Randy into the net.


Kellie and Crystal did little more than spin around.


Ken looked like he was baling out a toilet.


Ace gave it a game effort and actually came close to the ball.


G.C. was nowhere to be found.


Later Ace indicated that they were like "legless chickens against sleek weasels." I'm speechless. I don't think I could come up with a metaphor that twisted with a whole week's notice. I guess it was a simile. I've never been much good at those.


Jeff summed it up with: "That was one of the worst performances I've ever seen."


Back at camp G.C. had the nerve to tell Ken "Kenny you SUCKED out there!" Pot, kettle, black.


I'm appalled that G.C., one of the biggest losers this season, seems to be leading his tribe. What is wrong here? Must be some type of magic pimp aura.


The power play of GC, Crystal, Ken and Matty were reluctant to vote out Kellie, even though she seemed to be weakest. They were concerned that Jacque was tight with Ace and that, assuming Sugar had the hidden immunity idol, Ace would have an advantage. Well, at least they're giving it some thought.


Matty's was not sure he liked the idea, since Jacque is a strong player. He indicated that they were going to vote Susie out next previously, why not stick with that strategy. Huh? What happened to the great four person alliance, Matty?


Jacque found out about the plan and confronted Ken. Ken, it turns out, is a lousy liar. Jacque had him flipped pretty much at the word go. He warned her that his vote meant nothing though and Jacque would have to talk to Crystal.


Jacque pulled Crystal aside and pledged her undying loyalty to her. Even squeezed out a few tears. Crying? There's no crying in Survivor! It's outwit, outlast, outwhine now?


At tribal council Jeff stirred the pot again. He asked Kellie if there was anyone weaker than her in the last challenge. She called out Ken and Crystal.


Crystal, the Olympic athlete, did not take kindly to this "I couldn't control the boat! I was in the game, just not as much as I usually do!"

In all fairness, she was spinning her boat in tighter circles and grousing about being unable to move more than anyone else.


Ken told Jeff that they needed more physical players, so Kellie and Jacque should be the most worried about getting the boot. Um. Ken, I'm pretty sure either one could kick your scrawny little ass.

The votes went in, and although Kellie had a few, Jacque was eliminated.

Next week: Animals attack and pimp G.C. goes missing! See you on the next...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 2!

Paloma is served!

This marks the third straight female that was voted out this season.


I noticed that in the beginning that the narrator says "18 Americans compete..." Ironic that two of them have accents. Some of the folks were wondering about Ace and whether his accent was phony. I tend to agree with them...it sounds practiced.


Last week Gillian was voted out of what Jeff indicated might be "the worst tribe of all time". I'm not sure about that. I seem to recall a tribe that lost every challenge until there was only one member left.


Randy weighed in with his thoughts on Fang: "I shouldn't blame them for being complete idiots...but they are!" Keep this up, Randy, and you're a shoe-in for Survivor Favorites in another four years.


Fang is running out of food! After only a few days they're down to less than half their original allotment of rice. G.C. blurted out that on the first day he threw away nearly half a pot of rice. What? What idiot would do that? And then fess up to it?

Randy, though he may be anti-social, at least seemed to have a handle on reality. He suggested that the tribe forgo the superfluous third meal in order to conserve rations. G.C. didn't seem to care for that idea. I guess he figures with his idol that he's going to be around for the long haul and needs to save his strength. He certainly hasn't been wasting it on the challenges.


G.C. attempted to get Randy to take on the mantle of leadership, but Randy wasn't that dumb.


Back at Coda, Sugar indicated that she trusts Ace: "he'll take care of me as well as he can." Ace confided to Bob that Sugar "is loyal". How in the world can these two tell that after a couple of days and no tribal councils? What's gone on with these two that we don't know about?


The reward challenge was one of my personal favorites. The pole grabbing game! Two members of one tribe attempt to tear a member of the other tribe away from a pole and drag them across the finish line. First team to do this twice wins reward of blankets, sleep items and other comfort.


Did anyone else notice Bob digging away at his teeth and gums? He should have a dental warning notice scrolling under him: "Kids...3 out of 4 dentists recommend that you do not dig at your gums with a foreign object". I wonder what in the world he could have stuck between his teeth?


Ace and Dan started out hanging onto the poles for their respective teams. Ace actually looked bored.


Dan was dragged off first as G.C. gave up trying to extract Ace. This is the second challenge that G.C. gave up on. He has my vote for team Tin Man (no heart).

Next round had Susie and Paloma on the poles. Ace decided Paloma should grab the pole for this round. I suspect it was because she probably already had a few years of experience with poles in her previous career as a dancer. I probably just made that up.

Paloma indicated that she was "the smallest person in the world" and suspected that Ace was trying to expose her as a weak link on the tribe. She was probably correct as she was extracted in almost record time. Randy helped by yelling "You're done! You're done!" as they dragged her over the finish line. Nice.


Ace and Dan grabbed the pole for round three. This time Fang used Crystal instead of G.C...because she probably has more testosterone. Ace held on for a long time, but couldn't hold it forever. After a mighty struggle Ace was pulled across the line, his pants around his ankles. Challenge and dignity lost! Fang is officially not the worst tribe ever!


Fang chose to send Sugar to Exile Island, to which she replied "they think I'm dumb but they haven't talked to me yet."


At Exile. Sugar chose to look for the idol rather than taking the comfort option.

Anyone notice that she wears a 45-record spacer on a chain around her neck? Okay, fess up...how many of you out there are too young to know what a 45 spacer is? How many of you have never played a 45? Next season of Survivorfest I need to put in a 10 point bonus for people old enough to know these things.


In fairness to Dan, the last visitor to Exile, I think Sugar had a map as the second visitor to Exile. In any case, she was able to find the sandy area that Dan spent all day looking for. From there she quickly found several other clues. After a quick traipse through the river and an attack by albino ants she had the hidden immunity idol and won points for everyone who had her on their score sheet. By the looks of it, it seems like that would be only me.


"I can't believe I found it and the lawyer didn't!" Indeed.

Sugar came back from Exile and hid the idol. Wise move, keeping the dumb act going. It seemed to work, as she didn't appear to even go through the typical "Did you find it?" "You liar, we know you found it!" "Really, you didn't find it?" "She soooo found it!" routine.


The Immunity challenge was a giant slip 'n' slide! Players would slide into the river to get pieces to a math puzzle. Bob and Ken were held out as the puzzle solvers.


Crystal hit the slide hard enough to crack her teeth. Ouch!


Corinne went down head first and actually stuck on the slide. I thought silicon was supposed to be slippery! 'Cause she was wearing a bikini...and you know...silicon...oh, never mind.


Ace went for style points, sliding on his front, then back, then front again.


Surfer boy Matty hit the slide like a torpedo. Yahoo!

Coda was ahead until Susie took her turn. She lost a significant lead. Not good news for her if Coda loses.


Both Ken and Bob struggled with the puzzle. Ken finally got it on the third try. Bob continued to scowl at it like it was a mystery of the university.


I take back any comparisons between Bob and Yau-Man. The Yau would've solved it.


The tribe seemed to begin to turn on Paloma. She stated "I'm like an animal in the wild...I'm gonna wait and then pounce!" Actually I think she said "prounce". Not sure what that means. Might be a cross between "pounce" and "prance". It's probably a waitress thing when there's an extra large tip on the table.


Corinne continued her bitchiness "I dislike so many people on the whole damn tribe...it's a toss-up."


At council, Jeff stirred things up with Paloma and Ace..."So, Ace is clearly not your hero?"


He followed up with "So, Paloma, you and Ace sound like you were brother and sister in another life."

Paloma: "Yeah, maybe in another world...like a thousand years from now, when I'm dead!" Oooookay. Hopefully we all won't have to wait that long.


Jeff went to tally (re-shuffle) the votes.


Paloma was voted out, with only one ally. I couldn't tell if Jacque or Kelly also voted for Ace. Currently they both look an awful lot alike to me.


I found it funny that Paloma's vote for Ace had a big smiley face on it and the vote that sent her out had a frowny face.


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