Survivorfest week 13 - the home stretch

Erik is scooped out by the remaining "sexy, crazy females" of the tribe, taking our players Eric and Denise with him.

This is the last regular blog before the season finale on Sunday! That evening I should have the final money winnings for each person and I'll begin passing out the dough the next day.

This weeks thoughts:

Back from tribal council, Amanda continued to reiterate that she didn't have the idol when she returned from Exile Island (she knew it was hidden back at camp). A good strategy, though it kind of threw the whole I suckered you and you and you in some faces. Not only did she fool Erik, Cirie, Natalie and Alexis, but she did it without (technically) lying. Well-played.

Did anyone else notice that Cirie started the fire with almost no effort? Our girl has come a long way since her last season...heck, she's not even afraid of leaves anymore!

Erik moaned about being on the wrong end of a tribal vote (again) and seeming to be on the outs with the power players. I simply cannot figure out how he is still on the island...he's made soooo many mistakes and been on the wrong end of just about everything.

Erik: "Amanda made me feel like a fool...which pisses me off!" I suspect Erik must be angry a lot.

Amanda played the situation well and tried to get back into Erik's good graces. It seemed too little, too late to me, but I guess there's no TV on the island, so people need to occupy their time somehow.

Wait...newsflash. Erik doesn't know whether he can trust Amanda or not. Has he been asleep the past six weeks? You can't trust anyone, especially since it's now down to five players. He's one sharp stick and a twisted knee away from a million dollars!

Amanda continued to lead Erik along the path, telling him that he should work with her, should he win the reward challenge, to bring her along and send Parvarti and not Natalie to Exile Island.

Amanda complimented his (actually her) thinking process to which Erik replied "[I'm thinking this through]...it's not all hair on my head!" I'm pretty sure there are some bugs, too. Something needs to be doing the thinking.

The reward challenge was a memory game with trivia from previous Survivor seasons. It seemed awfully weighted toward the "fans" to me. Earl, who won a few seasons back, claimed to have never even seen a Survivor season before.

A couple of highlights:

The season where one contestant was stung by a jellyfish and asked another to pee on his hand to relieve the stinging. I wasn't watching that season, but it did bring to mind the question: couldn't this guy have peed on his own hand? Where do they get some of these people?

Erik nailed a question from a previous season, where, Probst noted, he was only 14 years old. I wonder if he was scooping ice cream yet.

Help me out, because I may have this wrong, but I think Cirie missed a question relating to when Survivor first broke apart into four teams...That was her season. Ouch!

Erik won hands down and chose Amanda to accompany him on a helicopter trip to a spa and dinner. He selected Parvarti to go to Exile Island. Natalie was none too pleased.

Back at camp, Cirie enjoyed herself by digging the proverbial knife into Natalie and twisting it a little bit. Gee, Natalie, I thought you two were solid. Why would he take Amanda and then try to vote her off? Why would he send Parvarti to Exile when you guys agreed that you should go?

You could see the steam coming out of Natalie's ears.

At the spa, Erik and Amanda enjoyed a nice rub down. My wife commented that, lying on their backs, you couldn't really tell who was who. Time for a haircut, Erik.

Later they enjoyed a nice dinner where they talked strategy. Erik weighed in with this Survivor HOF quote "I want to be an ice cream man instead of an ice cream boy." Oy.

Out on Exile Island, Parvarti decided to eschew looking for the idol and spent the day soaking in the sun. She had the rationale that she was solid with the remaining girls and didn't need it anyway. Huh.

Is anyone else offended by the scrolling messages they send across television screens? Last night they had lotto numbers big enough for the people across the street to read through my window. Almost 80 years of commercial availability and new technology and I still have to put up with garbage on my screen! How much would the technology be worth to strip out all the network logos, weather warnings for counties two states away and voting updates be worth? Someone is missing a money-making opportunity here.

Erik and Amanda returned from spa island. Erik immediately received the woman-scorned treatment from Natalie.

Cirie couldn't wait to wipe off her still-bloody knife on Erik's 1970's jogging shorts and stick it between his ribs for a while. She's mean. I like that.

During their conversation, Natalie, unseen, walked up and listened in while Erik told Cirie that he thought Amanda or Natalie should be the next to go. This did not improve Nat's mood.

"I coulda bitch-slapped him! Slapped him like his mother!" I'd like to take a moment here to point out that if James or Ozzy had said that about Natalie, people would have been offended. But since it was skinny little Natalie talking about idiot Erik, it makes for good T.V. I'm just saying.

Natalie came to the realization that Erik is an idiot. In fact, she even said "He's an idiot." It's nice to see some of them coming around.

Let's take a trip on the "Wayback Machine" to my pre-season contestant analysis in which I wrote:

Erik – I think he looks like Leif Garrett. Add to that that he thinks he can easily be a good leader or a good follower and Erik is my pre-season pick for being “the idiot”.

I will now break my arm patting myself on the back.

At least he was not totally oblivious. When Erik saw all four females huddled around on the beach cackling, he knew they were not exchanging bat-cooking tips:

"I may have screwed up quite a bit."

"I think all of the women here think I'm full of crap."

"I made soooo many mistakes."

At the immunity challenge, Parvarti returned from Exile Island, looking tanned, rested and ready.

Actual exchange:

Amanda: "Hey, Parv!"
Parvarti: "heh huh huh!"

What the heck was that about? Maybe she found Ozzy's secret ganja stash on Exile Island.

The immunity challenge was three puzzle challenges, where each set of pieces had to be found by using coordinates to locate more pieces buried in a large area of sand.

At this point my wife and I had the following conversation:

Me: "Amanda won't win this."
Wife: "Why not?"
Me: "Because it involves digging."
Wife: "Well, she's had a lot of practice at it."

The challenge commenced and Erik took a quick lead.

Erik was well into finding his third set of pieces when Parvarti finally found her first. Probst took a moment to note that Parvarti was well out of it. She chided "oh, Jeff!" Silly boy! Who needs idols and immunity and stuff when someone else is going home tonight!

Amanda spent a great deal of time looking around when she should have been digging. I suspect she kept expecting to see Ozzy finishing the challenge so he could carry her the rest of the way into the final four. That gravy train has left the station, baby.

Natalie struggled mightily, not just to find the pieces, but just to move the sand around. My wife exclaimed "I wouldn't hire her as a personal trainer!"

Erik completed the challenge well ahead of any of the ladies and won immunity at a critical juncture of the game.

As Erik stood there, wearing the immunity necklace, absently scratching himself, there are two questions that need to be answered:

1. Did he notice that the women were not at all pleased that he won immunity again?
2. Where in the world did he get those shorts?

Back at camp Cirie weighed in with the Survivor HOF quote: "[Erik] worked us all like cheap suits!"

While Erik was away doing, whatever the heck Erik does, the women hatched a plan to try to get Erik to give Natalie the immunity necklace. This brought the following protestations:

"Who would fall for this?"
"I feel stupid just listening to you guys [talk about this]!"

But having no other chance to stay in the game, Natalie agreed to try, leading to the exchange:

Natalie: "I have the most hare-brained notion"
Erik: "I'm in!" Just kidding. He actually said "I can relate."

Natalie explained that since Erik didn't have good mojo with the jury, that a show of stupidity, er, idiocy, um, I mean, faith and trust would go a long way. To that end, if he gave Natalie immunity, then he would be showing the jury something that would translate to jury votes if he made the finals...There was also some abstract nonsense about everyone else maybe voting Amanda off.

Yeah, it sounded that bad.

Erik immediately replied "I'm not even going to consider [giving away immunity]."

Two quotes that stand out from this week:

Erik: "Everybody thinks I'm an idiot." Erik, everyone plays the village idiot at one time or another. Some people are elected, some born into it...some volunteer for the job.

Cirie: "Erik is a pretty smart guy." What? What?!? Edison was smart. Da Vinci was smart. Little Tommy Smith in the third grade who (eventually) quit eating paste was smart. "Erik" and "smart" shouldn't be allowed in the same paragraph.

Nevertheless, Natalie, in coordination with Cirie, continued to work Erik (like a cheap suit) for immunity. They pointed out that Erik was in a bad state with the jury members because he had "crossed them all at some point".

I don't understand this at all. At what point has Erik crossed anyone? Outside of ratting on Ami's two-sided dealings to stick around with Ozzy's power play he's done nothing underhanded. In fact, you could argue that he was merely pointing out the truth of what Ami was doing (he certainly wasn't making it up).

Why in the world would he think that the jury would be angry with him? Let's look at the remaining competition:

Amanda: Participated in the blind-side of Jason and Alexis.

Parvarti: Led the blind-side of Ozzy, had a major falling out with James before he left for medical reasons, participated in the blindside of Jason and Alexis. Mutual feeling of hatred with Eliza.

Natalie: Led the blindside of Jason, participated in the blind-side of Ozzy. Out of the power plays for most of the game, so has no strong alliance ties to the jury.

Cirie: Participated in virtually every blind-side that occurred this season with the exception of Alexis. Her catch-phrase was "You wanna vote off (fill in the blank)? I'm down with that!"

Compared to these four, Erik looks like Gandhi. Who, by the way, would kick ass in Survivor. Hmm...a famous historical person season of Survivor...Throw in Hitler and the Donner party and we would have a very interesting show. Hopefully CBS monitors my blog.

Anyway, here we are, the final five, with Erik doubting his position with the jury and Natalie (holding a saw) saying "Just go out on a limb!"

The women re-gathered to discuss progress with the anointment of Erik as Idiot of the Century. Cirie summed it all up with "If this works it would be the ultimate Jedi mind trick."

These are not the idiots you're looking for....you can go about your business...

At tribal council, Ozzy had traded in his normal attire for a poncho. Perhaps in honor of Cinco de Mayo.

Probst started up the pre-vote discussion by asking about trust and place within the tribe. Erik went out of his way to kill himself in front of the jury by allowing that the jury had no reason to favor him and that he was all over the place with respect to discussions and alliances in the last couple of days and that the remaining tribe couldn't trust him anymore. Hello, Erik! Does the phrase "flossing with his jugular" ring any bells?

Probst asked Erik if he was willing to part with immunity. At this point I figured the gig was up and he was going to keep it. Even Erik couldn't be this stupid.

Alas, even I underestimated his lack of wit. He announced that he hoped that the jury would see this gesture as a sign of...well, something, and would respect this action should he make it to the final vote. He handed the immunity necklace to Natalie...the lady he didn't take to spa island or send to Exile where she could have gotten her own immunity idol.

The jury completely lost it. They hadn't seen any of the interplay leading up to that moment but they still knew what was coming.

Erik went up to vote with his fingers crossed. Good Lord. All the crossed fingers in the world won't save you now, kid.

CBS didn't even try to string us along. For the first time that I am aware of, they showed each and every person cast their vote as it happened.

All hail Erik! King of Fools!

The votes were tallied and Jeff, taking pity on Erik, fired a shot into the back of Erik's head while he sat on the shore, going on about the rabbits he was a'goin' ta raise. Sorry, that was another famous story about an idiot.

After the votes were read, and Erik was cast out, he uttered possibly his last HOF quote "Oh! You guys drive me crazy!"

James jumped in, adding "I lost my reign as dumbest Survivor ever!" Indeed. Erik is definitely going on my list: http://iamincredulous.blogspot.com/2008/02/ignominious-moments-in-survivor-history.html

Probst summed it all up with the following HOF quote: "I think that is what is called a life lesson." True dat.

One last question: With the remaining four players, who in the world is going to win the next immunity challenge? I don't think any of them have won an individual immunity this season and I'm quite sure they didn't win too many in any of their previous seasons.

The Survivor finale is this Sunday! Good luck to the remaining contestants!