Survivorfest week 9

Eliza is the first to join the jury as the tribes merge!



This weeks Survivor thoughts:



Fresh from tribal council Ozzie was still fuming about Ami and the way she tried to play both sides: "If she'd just stuck with me we wouldn't have voted her off." Ah...it seems like just last week that Ozzie was insisting that he wasn't a leader. Wait...it was.



Erik now belongs to the Ozzfather, body and soul: "We have, like, this zookeeper bond...I'm more the monkey and he's the zookeeper." You're one strange little monkey, Erik.



The tribes learned that they're to merge via tree mail and they gathered their belongings and sailed in to a cove, where a fine "merge feast" awaited them. Or not. As it turned out, the primary meat was bat, complete with the head, ears and teeth. On top of that, the entire spread seemed to have been exposed to flies for some time. MmMMmMMmmmm! Thanks, Jeff!



James, ever the gamer, decided to dig into one of the bats. I halfway expected Probst to come running out of the jungle and say "Wait! That's the stuff for our next immunity challenge! For God's sake don't eat it!"



Erik came up with "Dabu" for the new name of the merged tribe. He claimed it was a Micronesian word for Ozzie. Just kidding. Hey, I give the boy props as it turned out he was totally making it up and had no knowledge of the Micronesian language. I just hope the tribe tries to make him act as translator to a drunk, angry Micronesian before the season ends.

Quick educational blurb: The native languages of the various Micronesian indigenous peoples are classified under the Austronesian language family. Almost all of these languages belong to the Oceanic subgroup of this family (there's a Lost joke here somewhere). The Oceanic languages are a subgroup of the Austronesian languages, containing approximately 450 languages. So basically no one knows what the hell language these people speak. Maybe dabu is a word. Chances are the average Micronesian couldn't say...



Ozzie rekindled the friendship that he and Alexis started up while on Exile Island together. Amanda seemed less than graceful about losing her would-be meal ticket...er, boyfriend.



She said to Cirie "Alexis is very, very, very dangerous! We need to get her voted off" to which Cirie replied "I'm good with that!" Cirie seems to be good with any plan that involves voting someone else off. I guarantee she'll be one of the first on the "let's try to bushwhack Ozzie" bandwagon in the next week or two.



Eliza has taken to walking around camp carrying a machete. That should be setting off alarms with just about everyone.



Ozzie weighs in with a Survivor Hall of Fame quote as he contemplates Jason's skills and desire to showcase his talents: "He's gonna prove himself...or not."



Jason spent some time finding a nice hiding place for his fake idol. He mentioned that he is hopeful that he doesn't forget where he hid it. That would most definitely make the top ten list of ignominious Survivor moments (http://iamincredulous.blogspot.com/2008/02/ignominious-moments-in-survivor-history.html)...Spending%20time ...Spending time trying to find an idol that wasn't even real.



Parvarti confessed to Amanda that she started another alliance with Natalie and Alexis, and included Amanda. Amanda was not pleased. I'm not sure if it's because she's terrified of crossing Ozzie or if she doesn't want to band together with a girl who's trying to get with her future reality series husband.



Parvarti realized she was in rough waters and reverted to her "I'm just a silly goof" persona: "Ha ha, I might as well go make an alliance with Erik and Eliza, now!" Yup. Parvarti is a Tribal Trollop. I think that term is getting added to the glossary: http://iamincredulous.blogspot.com/2008/02/survivor-glossary.html



The immunity challenge is Survivor's answer to waterboarding. Each player will be suspended under a cage in the water. The cage will be dropped by degrees until the person is forced to fight for breath. Last one out from under the cage wins.



Zookeeper and monkey relationships, bruises and impalings, water torture...this season is a fetishists dream come true!



The challenge began by a school of fish trying to eat James. I can almost hear the fish thinking aloud "Mmmmm...tastes like bat!" I would've claimed to see a shark just to spice things up.



Amanda is first out because she stinks at challenges. Oh, and because she accidentally swam out from under her cage. Uh huh.



One by one the women all dropped out. Erik leaves surprisingly early, as well.



James, Jason and Ozzie stayed to the bitter end, using their hands as makeshift snorkel tubes. James gave in, followed by Ozzie several moments later. Jason is our first winner of individual immunity and another payout for those who picked him.

I guess we have definitive proof that Ozzy does not, in fact, possess gills.



Ozzie showed us what he thought of Jason winning by puking up his lunch. The good news was he didn't seem to have eaten any of the bats. If James had yakked it would have been like watching an Ozzy Osbourne concert on "rewind". All right, you try to be funny after nine weeks.



Back at camp Jason began talking some serious smack about "dominating" Ozzie in the challenge. Enjoy life on the island while it lasts, kid. You're gonna need to win all the challenges from here on out.



Before the challenge Jason told Eliza that he possessed the (fake) immunity idol and that if he won the challenge, he would give it to her. Forty five seconds after returning to camp she came calling.



They snuck off to Jason's hiding spot and he handed the idol off to her. In true feral fashion she squirreled it away to check it out in private. It took her all of three seconds to realize what we already knew. Erik isn't the only idiot on the island.



She charged down to the beach to find Jason and confronted him, thinking he was trying to pull a fast one on her. Which would have been good too, now that I think about it. Offer to give away the immunity idol and hand over a fake one...hmmmm.



Eliza was convinced the idol was fake despite Jason's assurances "It's got a face carved on it!"



She decided to try to play it at council anyway. Goody!



At tribal council, there was no mistaking everyone's plan to vote off Eliza. CBS didn't even try to make us think something else was going on.



Parvarti's little quip while writing down Eliza's name "I hope you learn from your mistakes the second time around." Um. Isn't this her second time around? Some people take a little longer than others to learn their lessons, I guess.



After the votes were cast, Eliza whipped out her stick, much to the amusement of Ozzie. To his credit, he only broke up for a few minutes before acting all stoic.



I was disappointed to see that Probst seemed unamused by the whole fake idol switcharoo. He informed Eliza the idol was fake and tossed it in the fire. I think that was a bad move. I'm pretty sure that stupid stick would've made several hundred dollars on eBay for a Survivor charity auction. Hopefully one of the camera guys pulled it out before it burned up.



Eliza got the boot, as expected, becoming the first member of the jury and adding to tonight's payout. Jason wrote down Ozzie's name, which should seal his fate in the next week or two.



The website is updated with the latest money winners.



See you next week on....Survivorfest!