Survivorfest week 5!

Raaaaughhh! Raaaaaughhh! Joel is raugghhhhhhhhed!



The surprises just keep on coming this season.


My thoughts for week 5:


The Fan tribe headed back to camp from tribal council, still reeling from their decision to boot Mikey B and keep Chet. Chet seemed slightly energized by this surprising turn of events and even managed to hate on Jason a little. There must be quite a bit going on that CBS doesn't show. Based on what I've seen so far I would think Chet would be more inclined to kill Joel in his sleep.


Back at the other camp the Favorites risk the wrath of PETA by killing one of their chickens (Charlie) for a nice meal. Jeff said egg-laying, darn it! There went the Internet again.


Parvarti chimed in with "Oh, Charlie [sniff]...I'll get some wood!" Better sleep with one eye open, James.


Ozzy related to several of the others that he found the idol while on Exile Island. I could tell that James was tempted to ask him if he could have it...hey, it worked once! Instead, he settled for an awkward, partial man hug.


When the tribes joined on the beach for the rewards challenge, Jeff relayed that Mikey B was voted off the night before. Surprisingly, Jonathan seemed okay with that. I really thought there was something fishy there since they worked on the same movie together. My wife suspects they had a side bet as to who would get voted off first.


Jeff pulled a fast one and had the tribes reorganize. A random draw and Ozzie and Natalie were captains in a "schoolyard pick" to see who would be on which tribe. I would have loved to see what would have happened if Chet had been the captain. Jeff: "No, Chet, you can't pick me."


Ozzy tries to pick Joel, but for some reason thinks his name is Troy. He's lucky that Probst didn't make the name snafu cost him a turn.

Jason tries to even up the tribes on unintentional insults and picked "Poverty". I suspect as a nude model, surfer type, he's pretty familiar with poverty. Stick with what you know, dude, stick with what you know.

The tribes finish up fairly even. Anyone surprised at who was picked last? Anyone? No? I didn't think so. Jeff pulled another huge surprise by declaring that, as the remaining choice, Chet would be the reward for the challenge, the winner getting to eat him. Just kidding. Although you could tell he wanted to.


Speaking of Chet, is there a man out there who is less fit to have a barbed wire arm tattoo? Seriously, it's weirder than Mickey Mouse having a tongue stud.


Right about now I wonder if Ozzy is thinking about the immunity idol he hid away at camp, wondering if that would be the camp he was headed back to, now that the tribes are all jumbled up.


The rewards challenge was a type of maze where two contestants were tied together by a rope. the objective was for one pair to catch up to the other and pull a flag from their back.


I will state right here and now, that the Battle Royal earlier in this season was my favorite challenge. It is now a distant second compared to this one.


Erik and Ozzie were tied together as one pair, trying to case down Kathleen and Natalie. It was over in about the time it took you to read that last sentence. The girls were quick, but Ozzie and Eric were like a couple of deer. While watching this I was struck with the similarity to another reality game show I saw several years ago:

queue 80's theme music
Give me some of those wiggly lines used for flashbacks

It was the Grand Knockout Tournament back when Chuck and Di were still...well, Chuck and Di. They had a group of celebrities compete in really odd British-type games for charities. One event required Meatloaf, the overweight singer of Bat Out of Hell fame to chase down and capture Walter "Sweetness" Payton of the Chicago Bears. Yeah, kind of a mismatch. Thanks for indulging me.

end 80's theme music
end wiggly lines

Jason got a face full of tree trunk when he and James split between a tree, forgetting there was a rope tying them together. I actually saw bark spray up from the impact!


Parvarti kissed the ground resulting in a collagen displacement. She won't be smooching anyone with those lips for a few days.


Ami busted up a knee and was limping gingerly afterwards.


Penner was impaled in the leg by a stick necessitating minor beachside surgery and possible death from blood poisoning.


And of course my all-time favorite, Chet, who had the grave misfortune of being teamed up with Troy...er, Joel. I'll take to my grave the site of an enraged Joel flying after Parvarti and Eliza while Chet's lifeless body bounced along behind him, careening off of trees and fence posts.


I'm getting all weepy just thinking about it.


This isn't quite Survivor Hall of Fame quote material, but it bears an honorable mention:


Chet: "I hit my head back there!"
Joel: "I don't care."
Chet: "I know."


Back at camp, Penner had his wound cleaned out and is given multiple stitches. I gotta say this for him, he seems pretty tough for an actor/producer. My ten year old had to leave the room.


In the other camp, the former Favorites were appalled to see the conditions that the former Fans had been living in. It came to a nice conclusion when the reward meal they had won nearly got washed out with the surf.


The immunity challenge was a game that required throwing a rock through a plate, releasing a bag holding pieces of a, yup, you guessed it, puzzle. The other part of the team puts the large pieces together while a "boss" calls the working of the puzzle from a platform.


The new Malakal tribe took the lead quickly on the strength of several good throws. James manages to prove that he doesn't have enough arm strength to break a pane of glass with a rock. He's a man of vast differences....


Malakal was well into the puzzle solving portion before Airai completed the first portion of the challenge. Fortunately for Airai, Chet is the person designated to call out instructions to the other tribe on how to arrange the puzzle pieces. It quickly turned into an argument between Chet and Joel, allowing the other tribe to come from behind and win the challenge.


Now I don't know if Chet was right and Joel was wrong, but there was no leadership from Chet at all. Joel ended up taking over from the sidelines and they ended up losing.


At this point I figure that my days of kicking Chet around are over. After participating in some of the biggest blown challenges in Survivor history I don't think that even Tracy can save him.


And yet...at tribal council Chet is once again passed over, this time in favor of Joel. Cirie and the others managed to convince Ozzy and the others that he was enough of a threat this early on, and that getting rid of him was the best course of action. I hope they get used to tribal council. I'm not sure that even Ozzy can carry them through many more immunity challenges.

Joel didn't take it too well. Erik gave him a "keep fighting the good fight" kind of fist pump for some reason. Joel seemed ready to clock Probst when he snuffed his torch. It's hard to tell what he was muttering under his breath, but I suspect it wasn't congratulations.


Next week: Penner faces a decision about his ailing leg! Jason attempts to bump Erik from the ranks of "season idiot"! See you next week on....Survivorfest!