Survivorfest - week 7

Kathleen bows out and Tracy goes down fighting!



My thoughts from week 7:



Tracy nicely clarified my question from last week by pointing out that she vowed to never vote for Chet (despite his fervent wish to be put out of his, and our, misery). I'm still not sure why she picked Erik or why Probst didn't pull his name out just to cause trouble. Normally he tries to make 'em sweat.



Back at camp Tracy pushed her tribe to kill one of the remaining chickens. Ozzy dusted off his PETA card and reminded her that chickens have been known to lay eggs, which can then be eaten.



Erik continued his man crush on Ozzy, alternating between starry-eyed admiration and wanting to show him up. I formally declare his condition to be an "Ozzipus Complex". That is soooo getting added to the Survivor glossary: http://iamincredulous.blogspot.com/2008/02/survivor-glossary.html



Ozzy taught Erik to climb a tree to forage for coconuts. Looking up at Erik in the tree, Ozzy declared "We've got some good nuts, now!" Creepy. No wonder Erik is confused.



Meanwhile, at camp Airai, Kathleen is having a full-blown freak-out. I strongly suspect that after nineteen days of being off her meds, she's finally lost it.



At the reward challenge Probst announced that Chet had been voted off the night before. No one seemed remotely surprised. Or upset.



The reward challenge involves a blindfolded team rolling a large chunk of Micronesian money over some ceramic plates to expose smaller "change" that would be used as puzzle pieces.



After learning that Micronesia used large stone disks as money and the larger the piece, the more value, I ceased to wonder why they never conquered the rest of the world.



"Dang, honey...we need some money for that new addition to the hut...go out and chip me out eighteen grand, will ya?"



Natalie sat out the reward challenge for Airai. Seems likes she's sitting out whenever possible.



Cirie led her tribe's blindfolded members as they rolled the large stone. It was a credit to the team of rollers that they finished their portion first as Cirie provided the following directions:



"Left, turn left! The other left!" (She had a very hard time understanding that her left was their right and even resorted to turning around and twisting her head backwards so that she wouldn't keep confusing them).

"Come this way!" As loud as she was, they were still blindfolded.

"Over here!" Ditto.



Fortunately for Malakal, James and Kathleen were part of the puzzle-solving team for Airai. It was like giving an abacus to a dog.



Malakal won the challenge, which was a nice snack and a shower complete with the latest and greatest Garnier Fructis products. Probst had them "imagine a waterfall, where you can sit under the water and wash your hair". Kinda sounded like camp.



Erik, on seeing the bounty, weighs in with a Survivor Hall of Fame quote: "Cookies!!!" I swear he's mentally about eight years old.



Cirie is appalled when Amanda took the opportunity to remove her top for the communal shower. I replayed the segment on the DVR several times to make sure. Ahem.



Jason was selected to go to Exile Island and Tracy was "volunteered" to accompany him. Personally, I think she should have asked for a break from the vote if they lost the next challenge, but she "took one for the team", later blaming Ozzy for making her do it.



They didn't show any footage of Jason and Tracy on Exile. Partly, I assume, because of the monsoon that came later that day.



The monsoon did a nice job on what was left of Kathleen's psyche. You know it's bad when James has to play the mother: Pat, pat, "It's okay, girl...everybody has their day..."



As Kathleen was wailing about how terribly difficult it was to live in primitive surroundings and eat crappy food (she has seen the show, right?):



1. Eliza looked her up and down almost like she was wondering if she might get to eat her.

2. Alexis, a motivational speaker, seemed to have no words of encouragement.



Kathleen added a Hall of Fame worthy quote: "I don't want anyone to think I'm quitting" she said, as she was quitting.



Probst was called in on the boat and took Kathleen away. Possibly to be bound to a large concrete block and dropped to the ocean floor. He didn't say.



It's appalling that Penner was willing to risk life and limb to stay in the game, and Kathleen left because she was tired of getting rained on and eating raw clams.



The immunity challenge was a long bridge where one person pulled a rope attached to a winch across the bridge, connected the rope to a large puzzle piece and the rest of the team would turn the winch to draw the puzzle piece in. Repeat five times.



Ozzy started off for Malakal and took a large lead on Eliza, who did a nice job of acting as a dead weight while her team labored to pull the puzzle piece off of the bridge.



Ozzy took four of the five trips across the bridge for his team. I was amused to see that he didn't even get his hair wet until his last trip when he slipped off the bridge. In Parvarti's lone trip she ended up looking like a drowned rat.



Cirie and Amanda struggled mightily with the puzzle portion, however, and Airai came from behind to win again.



Back at camp Tracy and Ami worked hard to swing things away from Tracy getting voted off. Amanda, who was accused of being a major manipulator in the last season seemed reluctant to flip on Ozzy's choice of voting off Tracy. Or make any real decision at all. I'm starting to suspect she had a quickie lobotomy in the break between seasons.



It led to this exchange:



Ami: "So, who are we gonna vote for, ladies?"

Amanda: "Don't look at me! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee...hee".



During tribal council, Probst did his usual work, trying to fragment the tribe and start a fight. He made quite an impression on Erik, who kept frowning, looking skyward and nodding in what he no doubt considered to be a contemplative fashion. I'm willing to bet serious cash he was thinking of rocky road ice cream.



Despite Tracy's lobbying and Ami's apparent willingness to flip on anyone to change things up, Tracy was voted off in what amounted to a unanimous decision. I'm a little surprised. Anyone who could keep Chet on the island for six weeks must have that "special something".



Next week, Erik is smashed like a bug on a windshield. I can't wait!



See you next week on...Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 6

Penner and Chet are set adrift in week 6! They take the hopes of a big payday for many of us along with them...

My week 6 thoughts:

Erik continues to grow on me. When reflecting on being surprised (again) by the vote at tribal council he remarked: "if the playing field has been lowered to lying and tricking people, I might have to do some of that!" Gee, Erik...have you seen this show before?

Tracy continued to work Erik over to make sure he stayed in the fold by telling him that the former Favorites were united and were likely to vote him off next. You could actually see the pieces clicking into place as that thought settled in on him. "That pisses me off!" he sputtered.

Ami began to show signs of turning away from the Favorites faction of Malakal. She cautioned Tracy not to get too down and to keep working hard. She also weighed in with the Survivor Hall of Fame quote "I'm not gonna be a poop pants!" Indeed. Indeed.

The reward challenge involved swimming out to retrieve bundles of planks and then returning to use the planks as a barricade to block a fence-tunnel that the other team would have to crawl through. The first entire tribe through would win reward.

Penner, even with his bad knee, insisted on joining this challenge while Natalie sat out for Airai.

Predictably, Ozzy reached the bundles first and Malakal took an early lead on working on the inserting the blocking boards into the tunnels. After ten minutes Probst called time and had the tribes stop making the barricades and start trying to disassemble the ones the other tribe made.

Malakal, led by Ozzy, were the first to make it part way through the tunnel, but progress was quickly stalled. Cirie was a bottleneck behind Ozzy and even Aqualad took an inordinate amount of time working his way through the maze of remaining boards.

Penner was clearly hobbled by his injured leg, taking a nasty spill while carrying bundles of planks.

Chet, as usual, did nothing. He watched a lot and kind of wiggled a few of the barricade boards.

Despite the head start, Airai quickly made a hole in the Malakal barricade and the team squirmed through. James exhorted the last person in line, Penner, by yelling "Come on wit' your bad knee, boy!"

Reward for Airai came with a price. After the challenge, Probst called for the medical staff to check Penner's injury. The news was not good. The doctor indicated that infection was spreading and recommended immediate evacuation to a hospital for intravenous antibiotics and surgical care.

Although clearly not wanting to leave, there wasn't much choice. I felt bad for him...he clearly came to kick butt this season, in much better physical condition than his last appearance.

In addition to winning reward, Airai got to select members to head out to Exile Island. Chet was forced to go and Jason was selected to join him. I couldn't tell if Chet was happy or chagrined to have Jason with him.

The reward for Airai was two Micronesian dudes who would come to camp, teach them how to find food and prepare it.

Calling these guys micro anything was a stretch. They both looked like Mr. Fuji. Although they clearly had to have known lots about finding, preparing and eating food...

Parvarti immediately broke out the charm, asking one of them "sooooo, are you married?" to which he replied "yes, I do!" Hmm. I wonder what "are you married" translates to in Micronesian...

A short time later, he was calling her "baby". You can't make this stuff up.

Ozzy reflected on his decision to replace the hidden immunity idol he'd found with an oddly-shaped stick: "Jason might be naive enough to fall for it". That's about as close as Ozzy gets to saying that someone might be stupid.

On Exile Island, Jason went looking for the idol while Chet lay lifeless on the beach. It's a microcosm of this season that Chet assumed that Ozzy had found the idol so was willing to put forth no effort, while Jason was willing to try to find it and will possibly end up getting duped in the process.

Sure enough, Jason found the idol. I wonder what the exchange between Jason and the camera really went like.

What we saw: Jason smiling and wondering if this silly-looking hunk of wood with a few nicks in it could really be the idol. He shrugs, decides it is and sticks it in his pants for safe keeping.

What probably happened: Jason wonders aloud whether the idol is real and the cameraman mouths "yeah!" and gives the thumbs up sign. Jason pockets the idol while the cameraman suppresses fits of laughter.

On return to the tribe, Jason indicated he was unable to find the idol and stated his belief that Ozzy already has it. I find it amusing that everyone seems to believe that Ozzy quite probably has the idol after being on Exile Island once, while Kathleen practically has a beach house there and no one is even considering the possibility that she found it.

The immunity challenge involved each tribe setting up two pillars for two of their tribe to move across a span of water. Once the tribe had transported the people across the water to a platform, the first tribe to balance all of its members on the platform would win.

Airai made a crucial decision to use only one pillar and carry the person over rather than the projected method of holding one pillar, having the person climb to another and then moving the first pillar for the next step.

Other than Parvarti falling at the very end and having to restart, this strategy allowed Airai an easy victory. Malakal took way too long to get their first person over before attempting to adopt the Airai strategy. One of the biggest margins of victory I've seen in a while.

While being transported over on the pillar Parvarti kept sticking her tongue out in concentration. My wife exclaimed "better keep your tongue in your mouth, Parvarti!" I'm not sure she knows how...

Probst takes a moment to let everyone know that Penner had successful surgery in a hospital to clear out his wound and was resting comfortably. Which led to this exchange:

Me: "Well, I'm sure that having surgery in a hospital in Micronesia probably wasn't a slam-dunk, either"
My ten-year-old: "He could have caught micronesia?!?"
Me (shaking head).

Back at camp, Chet immediately began complaining about his sore heel and asking to be sent home. Ozzy wondered aloud "was there any question that we weren't going to do that anyway?" Um...let's review the last two weeks, Ozzy.

Erik continued to amaze: "Chet wants to go home...he thinks he's doing the honorable thing by going home. But it would be totally more honorable for Chet to stay and help Tracy and me [vote off Ozzy or Cirie]". Totally. Indeed.

Tracy, Ami and Erik worked Chet over for the rest of the day, trying to get him to stay and help vote out one of the former Favorites.

Erik's contribution: "It would be the craziest play in Survivor history!" Yup. For the third or fourth week in a row. This season has been nuts.

Once Erik started talking the gems just kept coming out:

"Chet, you need to use your last dying breath [to stick with this]!" I think he spent that three weeks ago.

"What Jason said...it put thoughts in my head!" I'm pretty sure there was room.

At council, things were still up in the air about whether Chet would try to stay and flip the vote or go quietly.

Ozzy had no doubt: "I'm not going home tonight...If I get voted off I'll jump naked off the pier!"

At that point I could almost hear Chet thinking "Ozzy, you had me at ‘naked’!

Any of you with money on Ozzy must’ve been squirming a little at this point.

But, alas, Chet's lack of effort would extend even to the point where he was unwilling to continue to lie on the beach and screw up challenges by doing nothing. He was voted off.

Not sure who else saw this, but two of the tribe (Tracy and, I think, Chet) voted for Erik. What?!? Why? This makes no sense at all! Can anyone think of why they would have done that?

This is definitely one of the weirder seasons yet. See you next week on....Survivorfest!

Survivorfest week 5!

Raaaaughhh! Raaaaaughhh! Joel is raugghhhhhhhhed!



The surprises just keep on coming this season.


My thoughts for week 5:


The Fan tribe headed back to camp from tribal council, still reeling from their decision to boot Mikey B and keep Chet. Chet seemed slightly energized by this surprising turn of events and even managed to hate on Jason a little. There must be quite a bit going on that CBS doesn't show. Based on what I've seen so far I would think Chet would be more inclined to kill Joel in his sleep.


Back at the other camp the Favorites risk the wrath of PETA by killing one of their chickens (Charlie) for a nice meal. Jeff said egg-laying, darn it! There went the Internet again.


Parvarti chimed in with "Oh, Charlie [sniff]...I'll get some wood!" Better sleep with one eye open, James.


Ozzy related to several of the others that he found the idol while on Exile Island. I could tell that James was tempted to ask him if he could have it...hey, it worked once! Instead, he settled for an awkward, partial man hug.


When the tribes joined on the beach for the rewards challenge, Jeff relayed that Mikey B was voted off the night before. Surprisingly, Jonathan seemed okay with that. I really thought there was something fishy there since they worked on the same movie together. My wife suspects they had a side bet as to who would get voted off first.


Jeff pulled a fast one and had the tribes reorganize. A random draw and Ozzie and Natalie were captains in a "schoolyard pick" to see who would be on which tribe. I would have loved to see what would have happened if Chet had been the captain. Jeff: "No, Chet, you can't pick me."


Ozzy tries to pick Joel, but for some reason thinks his name is Troy. He's lucky that Probst didn't make the name snafu cost him a turn.

Jason tries to even up the tribes on unintentional insults and picked "Poverty". I suspect as a nude model, surfer type, he's pretty familiar with poverty. Stick with what you know, dude, stick with what you know.

The tribes finish up fairly even. Anyone surprised at who was picked last? Anyone? No? I didn't think so. Jeff pulled another huge surprise by declaring that, as the remaining choice, Chet would be the reward for the challenge, the winner getting to eat him. Just kidding. Although you could tell he wanted to.


Speaking of Chet, is there a man out there who is less fit to have a barbed wire arm tattoo? Seriously, it's weirder than Mickey Mouse having a tongue stud.


Right about now I wonder if Ozzy is thinking about the immunity idol he hid away at camp, wondering if that would be the camp he was headed back to, now that the tribes are all jumbled up.


The rewards challenge was a type of maze where two contestants were tied together by a rope. the objective was for one pair to catch up to the other and pull a flag from their back.


I will state right here and now, that the Battle Royal earlier in this season was my favorite challenge. It is now a distant second compared to this one.


Erik and Ozzie were tied together as one pair, trying to case down Kathleen and Natalie. It was over in about the time it took you to read that last sentence. The girls were quick, but Ozzie and Eric were like a couple of deer. While watching this I was struck with the similarity to another reality game show I saw several years ago:

queue 80's theme music
Give me some of those wiggly lines used for flashbacks

It was the Grand Knockout Tournament back when Chuck and Di were still...well, Chuck and Di. They had a group of celebrities compete in really odd British-type games for charities. One event required Meatloaf, the overweight singer of Bat Out of Hell fame to chase down and capture Walter "Sweetness" Payton of the Chicago Bears. Yeah, kind of a mismatch. Thanks for indulging me.

end 80's theme music
end wiggly lines

Jason got a face full of tree trunk when he and James split between a tree, forgetting there was a rope tying them together. I actually saw bark spray up from the impact!


Parvarti kissed the ground resulting in a collagen displacement. She won't be smooching anyone with those lips for a few days.


Ami busted up a knee and was limping gingerly afterwards.


Penner was impaled in the leg by a stick necessitating minor beachside surgery and possible death from blood poisoning.


And of course my all-time favorite, Chet, who had the grave misfortune of being teamed up with Troy...er, Joel. I'll take to my grave the site of an enraged Joel flying after Parvarti and Eliza while Chet's lifeless body bounced along behind him, careening off of trees and fence posts.


I'm getting all weepy just thinking about it.


This isn't quite Survivor Hall of Fame quote material, but it bears an honorable mention:


Chet: "I hit my head back there!"
Joel: "I don't care."
Chet: "I know."


Back at camp, Penner had his wound cleaned out and is given multiple stitches. I gotta say this for him, he seems pretty tough for an actor/producer. My ten year old had to leave the room.


In the other camp, the former Favorites were appalled to see the conditions that the former Fans had been living in. It came to a nice conclusion when the reward meal they had won nearly got washed out with the surf.


The immunity challenge was a game that required throwing a rock through a plate, releasing a bag holding pieces of a, yup, you guessed it, puzzle. The other part of the team puts the large pieces together while a "boss" calls the working of the puzzle from a platform.


The new Malakal tribe took the lead quickly on the strength of several good throws. James manages to prove that he doesn't have enough arm strength to break a pane of glass with a rock. He's a man of vast differences....


Malakal was well into the puzzle solving portion before Airai completed the first portion of the challenge. Fortunately for Airai, Chet is the person designated to call out instructions to the other tribe on how to arrange the puzzle pieces. It quickly turned into an argument between Chet and Joel, allowing the other tribe to come from behind and win the challenge.


Now I don't know if Chet was right and Joel was wrong, but there was no leadership from Chet at all. Joel ended up taking over from the sidelines and they ended up losing.


At this point I figure that my days of kicking Chet around are over. After participating in some of the biggest blown challenges in Survivor history I don't think that even Tracy can save him.


And yet...at tribal council Chet is once again passed over, this time in favor of Joel. Cirie and the others managed to convince Ozzy and the others that he was enough of a threat this early on, and that getting rid of him was the best course of action. I hope they get used to tribal council. I'm not sure that even Ozzy can carry them through many more immunity challenges.

Joel didn't take it too well. Erik gave him a "keep fighting the good fight" kind of fist pump for some reason. Joel seemed ready to clock Probst when he snuffed his torch. It's hard to tell what he was muttering under his breath, but I suspect it wasn't congratulations.


Next week: Penner faces a decision about his ailing leg! Jason attempts to bump Erik from the ranks of "season idiot"! See you next week on....Survivorfest!