Survivorfest week2

Mary is blind-sided!

Mary departs taking Dean with her as the first casualty of Survivorfest 2. Dean had the dubious honor of picking only two contestants to place money on only to watch them both depart in the first two weeks.

I've updated the site with the latest info.

On to my observations for week 2:

The fan tribe went on to show us that having flint is no guarantee of having fire. After several hours of futile effort they had little to show for it. They eventually started one toward the end of the day but it cost them several hours of frustration and a series of arguments over sleeping arrangements. In the end, seven of the tribe took one cave and Tracy, Kathleen and Chet were relegated to the other. Personally I think they have a chance at a housing discrimination lawsuit defaming middle aged women and homosexuals. Considering that Kathleen is one of the three they might be able to throw in "mentally ill". In all fairness I don't think I'd like for her to live next to me, either.

Joel cracks me up when he gets angry. He says things like "Joel is angry!" and "Raaaaaugh!" He's like a pink version of the Incredible Hulk.

No blur for Joel, by the way, when his potty mouth was rubbed out by those helpful CBS censors. Survivorfest rules specify that blurs need to be for nudity-related situations only.

I confused as to why they blur someone's mouth, anyway? They pretty much let fly with a list of words that they sure as heck couldn't say on TV when I was a kid. In fact, I think a few of them were featured on George Carlson's "The Seven Words You Can't Say on Television". Why get parochial on the few that are left?

We did have a confirmed blur this evening! Jason the nudist surfer guy had his butt crack blurred out while working on his upscale, segregated housing. Those of you with money on Jason stand up and wave to the crowd.

Mikey B has weird tattoos. A ticket stub? It's almost as if he's a doodle pad. They're not even spaced out properly. I think he might be a practice dummy for new artists on Miami Ink.

Joel notes that Mikey is playing the ladies, particularly Mary: "its player school 101!" Why didn't they have player school when I was younger? In high school I had to take art and stuff.

Ozzy and Amanda appear to be having a "thing". I could tell because that was the description for the evening's episode on the channel guide. My wife noted that every time they were on camera together CBS piped in porn music in the background.

Cirie was disgusted to see the proceeding tongue-wrestling match while the rest of the tribe was trying to sleep. She is entered into the Survivor quotes hall of fame by coining the phrase: Ozzlets - noun 1. informal. Product of a relation between Amanda and Ozzy.

The challenge this week is swimming combined with a puzzle. James sticks to the "keymaster" role confirming that he can neither swim nor think particularly well. Kathleen sits out the event to everyone's mutual satisfaction.

Man, Ozzy can swim like a freakin' dolphin, can't he? I think he was out of the water and dried off before the other guy finished his dive.

Chet absolutely killed his tribe by being unable to find the key after his leg of the challenge. Eventually they screamed at him to get out of the water and head straight to tribal council (just kidding about the tribal council part...barely).

Jonathan is really in shape for this season of Survivor! He looks lean and mean enough to make me think that someone has been floating the concept for Down Periscope II.

The Favorites make up for their previous poor showing by completely obliterating the Fans. Kathleen is sent to Exile Island by the Favorite’s choice. I thought that was a great move since a. She already had immunity and b. She’s clearly crazy and they should want her to have opportunities to stick around.

The Favorites choose Cirie to accompany Kathleen at Exile Island. Poor Cirie. First Shane and now Kathleen. She really should consider moving into the mental health profession. She always seems to get stuck with the oddballs.

Exile Island has a nice twist this season. They give a clue to another clue...to another clue...to another...that keeps the people walking between islands through shark-infested waters. The only thing that should prove more entertaining is when it storms like crazy and rips one of them away in a tidal surge.

Back at camp Mikey begins to over think everything. He wants some people to vote for Chet and others to vote for Tracy in case Kathleen comes back and gives someone the idol. Why in the world would anyone give away an immunity idol in the first few weeks? He must really think Kathleen is nuts.

Joel decides that Mikey needs to be taken down a few pegs and proceeds to work to have a different person voted off.

Erik the ice cream scooper chimes in with "Joel is really smart." Please note that in my pre-season Survivor analysis I wrote the following:

Erik –[H]e thinks he can easily be a good leader or a good follower…Erik is my pre-season pick for being “the idiot”.

I think we'll find that this bears out.

At tribal council, Jeff asks Chet about his pitiful performance in the challenge. Chet contests that he wasn't "exhausted" and that he came ashore at everyone's request to let someone else have a try. Evidently Chet was confused about the purpose of the challenge and thought that "swimming" meant "treading water" and "finding the key" meant "gasping for breath".

Probst called him out, of course. Gotta wonder what Jeff is like at home:

Jeff: "Honey, I noticed you got two percent milk again...You know I need skim so I can keep fitting into my special shirt."

Jeff's wife: "Sorry, the skim they had was almost expired."

Jeff: "Are you telling me that you couldn't, in an entire supermarket, find a gallon of skim milk that didn't expire in the next two days? And that there weren't three other supermarkets within a mile of that one that might have had some? Kids, what do you think of mom's performance at the supermarket today?"

Jeff's kids (nodding): "I just don't think she has the heart to win, Dad. She just wants to go home"

During the vote, Mikey B. weighs in on Chet "you blew it with your body; you blew it with your brain and your heart". Ouch. I'd like to see Mikey give out performance reviews here at work.

Joel’s strategy works and Mary is voted off. I think the only person who was more stunned than Mary was Mikey B. He had this far-off look in his eyes that made me wonder if he was despondent about his strategy falling through or the fact that he was definitely not hooking up with Mary any time soon.

One final note, during the bit at the end I noticed that Joel actually voted for Tracy. What the heck was that all about?

Coming soon, Survivor celebrity look-alikes!

Next week on Survivor: Ozzy and Amanda spoon! James and Parvarti choose bathroom linens!