Mikey B gets sacked!
Wow, the sixteenth season of Survivor continues to provide loads of surprises! The main page will be updated shortly with the latest information.
My thoughts on week 4:
Cirie couldn't wait to get back to camp so she could ream Ami for writing her name down. She didn't even have to ask, she knew who did it. Ami backpedaled faster than a stuttering politician. The only thing that saved her was that Penner still can't keep his mouth shut about the broken alliance.
Eliza was ill. James felt her forehead and admitted that she felt "a little warm". Well, it is a tropical island...and she has been in contact with Parvarti...
James began to come to the realization that voting off Yau-Man might not have been the most strategic move: "Man, we were stupid last night!" It's probably not the first or last time he'll say that on the island.
They openly discussed that they should have voted off a sick Eliza rather than Yau...with Eliza sitting with them. Predictably she got a little pissy about that. "I'm gonna do better than Yau-Man would have in the challenge tomorrow!"
She also scolded her tribemates by telling them that she'd perform better if they were nicer to her. They didn't think much of that plan. Eliza attempted to put a voodoo curse on the lot of them so that they would catch whatever she had.
The Fan tribe went wild when Jason and Erik tracked down and beheaded a hapless eel on the shore near camp. Aliza chimes in with "Got an eel? Yeah, ya did!" The Internet dimmed out briefly while 85,000 PETA members dashed off a emails to CBS.
The reward challenge was a swimming event with a (gasp) puzzle at the end. The reward was a coop full of chickens. Jeff was handed a note from one of the NBC guys off camera and hastily added that the chickens are for "laying eggs". Another PETA-induced Internet brown out avoided.
The Fans had an extra person, and to no one's surprise, they sat Chet. I think he's still trying to finish the last rewards challenge that involved swimming.
Ozzy started off for the Faves with Jason swimming for the Fans. No contest. I seriously think that Ozzy doesn't need to breathe. The Favorites strategy of having Ozzy stay under water for eight solid minutes, moving their coconuts to the edge of the underwater cage paid off almost immediately. They took a quick lead and never looked back.
I was amused to see Jason, on a subsequent dive, make a half-hearted attempt to toss Penner's coconut away from him. Time to put on your big boy pants, Jason. Either do it or don't.
Natalie wins a special mention for the dreaded double-blur! The players must go to a special tailor that makes sure that we have at least half a dozen wardrobe malfunctions a season. The grand prize still goes to Amanda's swimsuit bottoms from last season. They had a multi-week blur going that may never be topped.
The puzzle at the end is solved by unscrambling the coconuts with letters painted on them to form a word. James sees it first: "Is 'triumphant' a word?" I think he thought it was one of the honey-stealing monsters from Winnie the Pooh.
The Faves win the chickens and select (gasp) Kathleen to head to Exile Island. This time it's Ozzy's turn to go with her. At this point I predicted to my wife that Ozzy would find the hidden immunity idol. He's reaching the point of being unstoppable. Might as well add an immunity idol to the mix.
Back at the Fan camp, the defeated tribe raves about Ozzy's challenge performance. Erik looks none-too-pleased. As I recall from one of the early shows, he thinks he can hang with Ozzy in some of these challenges. At this point, Ozzy is making him look like...well, an ice cream scooper.
On Exile Island Ozzy sports his hat with a buff wrapped around the top. It makes him look like Minnie Pearl.
As predicted, Ozzy quickly dashes through all the clues and finds the hidden immunity idol. Kathleen spends the afternoon relaxing and letting the campfire burn out. What a moron.
Ozzy took a page out of Yau-Man's book: he hid the idol in his sack and replaced it with one of his own making. Even after getting voted out, the Yau keeps on making an impact!
Unfortunately Ozzy's rendition of the idol is pitiful to behold. It looks like something between a primitive adult sex toy and a tuber. He could at least have added some fluff or bird feathers to it. Still, it's probably realistic enough to fool half the people this season.
The immunity challenge was a large-scale puzzle challenge. The tribes had to strap long poles to their bodies using harnesses, unlock their poles from a tether, figure out how to maneuver through obstacles to pick up pieces of a puzzle and solve the scrambled word at the end.
It struck me that when Parvarti strapped on the harness it was probably the most clothes she'd worn all season. Is it my imagination or is her bikini actually shrinking?
The Favorites jumped out to a huge lead. The Fans were pretty much doomed when Erik was unable to open his lock after several attempts. Have I mentioned that he's got my vote for "the idiot" this season? I thought so.
The Favorites completely obliterated the Fans in this challenge.
Back at camp, Mikey confides that he wants to keep Joel around until the last minute and then "take care of him". Has he even watched this show before? That almost never works.
Chet, who at this point might actually be dead, was wearing a buff on his head like Aunt Jemima. Or a dead, shriveled, Aunt Jemima.
Tracy found out that the corpse formerly known as Chet is on the chopping block for tribal council that night. She began to try to stir some life into her two "older" pals (Kathleen and Chet) and then began working on Joel to vote Mikey off instead. Personally I didn't think she had a chance until she began questioning Joel's manhood, hinting that Mikey was going to double cross him right away and stopping just short of admitting that she was psychic.
She earned a spot on the Survivor quote Hall of Fame with "I know stuff...I was just born with it."
At this point Joel had smoke coming out of his ears and was hoping that a good "Raaaugh!" would make the pain in his head go away.
Quick prediction on Joel. I think he's three weeks away from looking like Rupert Boneham.
At tribal we're treated to a rare event. Usually Jeff has to poke and prod people to speak up. This night no less than three people wanted to filibuster. When Jeff tried to get them to vote, Jason actually stopped him and proceeded to lecture everyone to vote for the strength of the tribe.
Erik joins the Survivor Hall of Fame quote board with "You can run into a wall a hundred times but that's not the best way to get rid of a wall." I did mention my vote for him...? Yep.
As the Fans make their way over to vote, the camera pans over a despondent Chet. I finally realized who he reminds me of. I'll add it to the Survivor Celebrity look-a-like page. http://www.woltermanns.com/Survivorfest/survivor_celebrity.htm
The votes are tallied and the first two are for Chet. Uh-oh. I know at least one vote was for Mikey because they showed it. They always make the vote as dramatic as possible by re-ordering the tallies.
Sure enough, Mikey B is blind-sided. I can't tell who was more upset, Mikey or Chet. You could almost hear Chet thinking to himself "my God, why are you people doing this to me!?!"
Even Jeff appeared to question the strategy: "Mikey, your stupid tribe has spoken." Okay, I made that up, but he was thinking it.
I'm interested to see if Joel echoes James and admits that they were "stupid last night." I rather think he'll talk himself into thinking that voting Mikey off was really his idea and it was the best strategy they could have planned.
Next week it appears the tribes will merge. If so, that should lead us to our first individual immunity winner and another money payout.
See you next week on....Survivorfest!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Survivor Glossary
Those of us who have been watching Survivor long enough are starting to come to common ground on certain terms. This is how Webster's does it, I assure you.
Fairplay - verb - To plan or take action with intent to deceive or obfuscate. Example: "I Fairplayed my roommate into buying me three rounds of beer by telling him my girlfriend broke up with me...she did, but it was three weeks ago!"
A Billy Moment - term/phrase - An event, occasion or action that results in widespread embarrassment or humiliation, particularly on a personal level. Example: "I had a Billy Moment this weekend at my wife's family reunion...I spent the whole day walking around with my pants unzipped. It was a bad day not to be wearing underwear."
Probst - verb - To initiate discussion topics with intent to create conflict or strife. Example: "My dad was Probsting me all night! Why can't you get a job? What's wrong with going back to school? When was the last time you went to the barber?"
Ozzipus Complex - noun - The positive libidinal feelings of a young or impressionable person toward Ozzy Luth and the hostile or jealous feelings toward Ozzy that may end up getting you voted off an island.
Tribal trollop - noun - A overly social Survivor player who attempts to improve his or her standing in the game by making overtures to multiple players and/or attempts to align with multiple factions.
Fairplay - verb - To plan or take action with intent to deceive or obfuscate. Example: "I Fairplayed my roommate into buying me three rounds of beer by telling him my girlfriend broke up with me...she did, but it was three weeks ago!"
A Billy Moment - term/phrase - An event, occasion or action that results in widespread embarrassment or humiliation, particularly on a personal level. Example: "I had a Billy Moment this weekend at my wife's family reunion...I spent the whole day walking around with my pants unzipped. It was a bad day not to be wearing underwear."
Probst - verb - To initiate discussion topics with intent to create conflict or strife. Example: "My dad was Probsting me all night! Why can't you get a job? What's wrong with going back to school? When was the last time you went to the barber?"
Ozzipus Complex - noun - The positive libidinal feelings of a young or impressionable person toward Ozzy Luth and the hostile or jealous feelings toward Ozzy that may end up getting you voted off an island.
Tribal trollop - noun - A overly social Survivor player who attempts to improve his or her standing in the game by making overtures to multiple players and/or attempts to align with multiple factions.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Survivorfest week 3!
Yau-Man makes a graceful exit!
I can't express my disappointment that the Yau got voted out so early this season. I think it says a lot that a senior citizen, who probably weighs in at around 86 pounds, got voted out second on his tribe. Fear the Yau!
My thoughts for this week:
Mikey griped to Joel about last week's power play. "You trying to leave this tribe with four girls and a kid? And I'm counting Chet as one of the girls!" I strongly suspect that two or three more shots like that and Chet just might scratch Mikey's eyes out.
During this lecture Joel pretty much stared at his feet, saying nothing. It reminded me of a college dorm where one guy is yelling at the other for drinking his beer and hitting on his girlfriend. When the lecture's over he casually wonders when his pal is going to the mini-mart next.
At the rewards challenge Jeff announces that Mary was voted off in the last tribal council. Even the Favorites tribe was shocked at this. Way to go, Joel! About the only way he could top the surprise of that would be if he voted himself off.
Mother Nature cooperates and adds rain to a Battle Royal-style rewards challenge. The object is to carry five heavy sacks over a your team's goal line. Oh, and beat the crap out of anyone who gets in your way. This is gonna be good!
I don't know much about Alexis, but she's tough! She and Penner came together and she knocked him into next week. Then she laid a wallop on Eliza that's likely to make her kids come out dizzy.
Eliza got some additional love from Eric...after he dragged her over the goal line he turned and whacked her in the head with the heavy sack. He might have been miffed that she had his pants pulled down around the back of his knees.
Joel laid out Yau-Man early...he must've seen how the Yau took out Fairplay in week one and didn't want it to happen to him.
Chet seems conspicuously absent. I couldn't tell if he was hugging the person who was hugging one of the sacks or just lying in a fetal position.
Penner completed the victory for the Favorites by dragging the final sack over the line. Favorites win handily!
Back at camp, the Favorites relate all the flirting the Fans were doing during the challenge. No wonder they lost! I can't wait to see what happens when the tribes merge. If Parvarti is still around she'll probably pull a flirt muscle.
Kathleen is sent to Exile Island (again) and this time Ami goes with her.
I've got a bad feeling that Kathleen might hang around a lot longer than I expected. By the time they quit sending her to Exile Island the tribes will have merged and she will have established that she's incompetent enough to drag into the final four. Plus, sooner of later the person who is with her is going to find the hidden immunity idol and she's going to get the other one.
On exile, Kathleen exhibited what appear to be her two primary skills: rolling her eyes and playing dumb. Evidently she doesn't feel the need to explain to Ami that she knows where clues #1-3 lead. I can't believe that she'd spend another night on Exile Island and NOT look for the immunity idol!
The immunity challenge was an interesting-looking basketball plus endurance challenge. The Fans tribe looked whipped. They had no shelter the night before and the steady downpour kept them up. Plus they all kept whining about how pruney their hands were.
To add to the ambiance, the tribes were given war paint to gussy themselves up like warriors before the challenge. It made a nice touch. I find it ironic that for some reason, painting one's face always seems to lead to scowling and sticking your tongue out. I think even Yau-Man did it. I'm pretty sure Gene Simmons is behind this.
The endurance piece seemed uneven with the Faves having James, Penner, Cirie and Parvarti versus Joel, Natalie, Tracy and Mikey B. Natalie somehow makes Parvarti look stocky.
The Fans came through with a surprise win! I'm not clear on whether the Faves just didn't have the spirit to keep the net from falling or if the Fans just shot a bunch more coconuts into their net. Either way, a Favorite is going home!
The discussion back at camp is all over the place. No one seems to know who to vote out. Penner takes the initiative and starts breaking up the discussion of the other alliance by butting in. I'm surprised that doesn't happen more. It's hard to strategize when one of the other group won't leave you alone.
I like Jonathan and I'm starting to pull for him, but I can see where he would be obnoxious as heck to have around. He can't let anything go. I'm glad I won't be around to see the resulting blow-up when he finds out that Down Periscope II didn't get the green light.
At tribal council Penner and Cirie nearly came to blows. Jeff is in heaven!
In the end, the larger alliance stuck to their decision and voted off Yau-Man. They'll be sorry when they need someone to throw a spear, solve a puzzle or make a hovercraft out of coconuts and seaweed.
The Survivor-Celebrity Look-A-Like page on the blog site has been updated! Nice work, Eric!
See you next week on...Survivorfest!
I can't express my disappointment that the Yau got voted out so early this season. I think it says a lot that a senior citizen, who probably weighs in at around 86 pounds, got voted out second on his tribe. Fear the Yau!
My thoughts for this week:
Mikey griped to Joel about last week's power play. "You trying to leave this tribe with four girls and a kid? And I'm counting Chet as one of the girls!" I strongly suspect that two or three more shots like that and Chet just might scratch Mikey's eyes out.
During this lecture Joel pretty much stared at his feet, saying nothing. It reminded me of a college dorm where one guy is yelling at the other for drinking his beer and hitting on his girlfriend. When the lecture's over he casually wonders when his pal is going to the mini-mart next.
At the rewards challenge Jeff announces that Mary was voted off in the last tribal council. Even the Favorites tribe was shocked at this. Way to go, Joel! About the only way he could top the surprise of that would be if he voted himself off.
Mother Nature cooperates and adds rain to a Battle Royal-style rewards challenge. The object is to carry five heavy sacks over a your team's goal line. Oh, and beat the crap out of anyone who gets in your way. This is gonna be good!
I don't know much about Alexis, but she's tough! She and Penner came together and she knocked him into next week. Then she laid a wallop on Eliza that's likely to make her kids come out dizzy.
Eliza got some additional love from Eric...after he dragged her over the goal line he turned and whacked her in the head with the heavy sack. He might have been miffed that she had his pants pulled down around the back of his knees.
Joel laid out Yau-Man early...he must've seen how the Yau took out Fairplay in week one and didn't want it to happen to him.
Chet seems conspicuously absent. I couldn't tell if he was hugging the person who was hugging one of the sacks or just lying in a fetal position.
Penner completed the victory for the Favorites by dragging the final sack over the line. Favorites win handily!
Back at camp, the Favorites relate all the flirting the Fans were doing during the challenge. No wonder they lost! I can't wait to see what happens when the tribes merge. If Parvarti is still around she'll probably pull a flirt muscle.
Kathleen is sent to Exile Island (again) and this time Ami goes with her.
I've got a bad feeling that Kathleen might hang around a lot longer than I expected. By the time they quit sending her to Exile Island the tribes will have merged and she will have established that she's incompetent enough to drag into the final four. Plus, sooner of later the person who is with her is going to find the hidden immunity idol and she's going to get the other one.
On exile, Kathleen exhibited what appear to be her two primary skills: rolling her eyes and playing dumb. Evidently she doesn't feel the need to explain to Ami that she knows where clues #1-3 lead. I can't believe that she'd spend another night on Exile Island and NOT look for the immunity idol!
The immunity challenge was an interesting-looking basketball plus endurance challenge. The Fans tribe looked whipped. They had no shelter the night before and the steady downpour kept them up. Plus they all kept whining about how pruney their hands were.
To add to the ambiance, the tribes were given war paint to gussy themselves up like warriors before the challenge. It made a nice touch. I find it ironic that for some reason, painting one's face always seems to lead to scowling and sticking your tongue out. I think even Yau-Man did it. I'm pretty sure Gene Simmons is behind this.
The endurance piece seemed uneven with the Faves having James, Penner, Cirie and Parvarti versus Joel, Natalie, Tracy and Mikey B. Natalie somehow makes Parvarti look stocky.
The Fans came through with a surprise win! I'm not clear on whether the Faves just didn't have the spirit to keep the net from falling or if the Fans just shot a bunch more coconuts into their net. Either way, a Favorite is going home!
The discussion back at camp is all over the place. No one seems to know who to vote out. Penner takes the initiative and starts breaking up the discussion of the other alliance by butting in. I'm surprised that doesn't happen more. It's hard to strategize when one of the other group won't leave you alone.
I like Jonathan and I'm starting to pull for him, but I can see where he would be obnoxious as heck to have around. He can't let anything go. I'm glad I won't be around to see the resulting blow-up when he finds out that Down Periscope II didn't get the green light.
At tribal council Penner and Cirie nearly came to blows. Jeff is in heaven!
In the end, the larger alliance stuck to their decision and voted off Yau-Man. They'll be sorry when they need someone to throw a spear, solve a puzzle or make a hovercraft out of coconuts and seaweed.
The Survivor-Celebrity Look-A-Like page on the blog site has been updated! Nice work, Eric!
See you next week on...Survivorfest!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Survivor Celebrity Look-A-Likes?
Don't some of this season's Survivors look a little familiar?
Here are some of my thoughts: http://www.woltermanns.com/Survivorfest/survivor_celebrity.htm
Here are some of my thoughts: http://www.woltermanns.com/Survivorfest/survivor_celebrity.htm
Survivorfest week2
Mary is blind-sided!
Mary departs taking Dean with her as the first casualty of Survivorfest 2. Dean had the dubious honor of picking only two contestants to place money on only to watch them both depart in the first two weeks.
I've updated the site with the latest info.
On to my observations for week 2:
The fan tribe went on to show us that having flint is no guarantee of having fire. After several hours of futile effort they had little to show for it. They eventually started one toward the end of the day but it cost them several hours of frustration and a series of arguments over sleeping arrangements. In the end, seven of the tribe took one cave and Tracy, Kathleen and Chet were relegated to the other. Personally I think they have a chance at a housing discrimination lawsuit defaming middle aged women and homosexuals. Considering that Kathleen is one of the three they might be able to throw in "mentally ill". In all fairness I don't think I'd like for her to live next to me, either.
Joel cracks me up when he gets angry. He says things like "Joel is angry!" and "Raaaaaugh!" He's like a pink version of the Incredible Hulk.
No blur for Joel, by the way, when his potty mouth was rubbed out by those helpful CBS censors. Survivorfest rules specify that blurs need to be for nudity-related situations only.
I confused as to why they blur someone's mouth, anyway? They pretty much let fly with a list of words that they sure as heck couldn't say on TV when I was a kid. In fact, I think a few of them were featured on George Carlson's "The Seven Words You Can't Say on Television". Why get parochial on the few that are left?
We did have a confirmed blur this evening! Jason the nudist surfer guy had his butt crack blurred out while working on his upscale, segregated housing. Those of you with money on Jason stand up and wave to the crowd.
Mikey B has weird tattoos. A ticket stub? It's almost as if he's a doodle pad. They're not even spaced out properly. I think he might be a practice dummy for new artists on Miami Ink.
Joel notes that Mikey is playing the ladies, particularly Mary: "its player school 101!" Why didn't they have player school when I was younger? In high school I had to take art and stuff.
Ozzy and Amanda appear to be having a "thing". I could tell because that was the description for the evening's episode on the channel guide. My wife noted that every time they were on camera together CBS piped in porn music in the background.
Cirie was disgusted to see the proceeding tongue-wrestling match while the rest of the tribe was trying to sleep. She is entered into the Survivor quotes hall of fame by coining the phrase: Ozzlets - noun 1. informal. Product of a relation between Amanda and Ozzy.
The challenge this week is swimming combined with a puzzle. James sticks to the "keymaster" role confirming that he can neither swim nor think particularly well. Kathleen sits out the event to everyone's mutual satisfaction.
Man, Ozzy can swim like a freakin' dolphin, can't he? I think he was out of the water and dried off before the other guy finished his dive.
Chet absolutely killed his tribe by being unable to find the key after his leg of the challenge. Eventually they screamed at him to get out of the water and head straight to tribal council (just kidding about the tribal council part...barely).
Jonathan is really in shape for this season of Survivor! He looks lean and mean enough to make me think that someone has been floating the concept for Down Periscope II.
The Favorites make up for their previous poor showing by completely obliterating the Fans. Kathleen is sent to Exile Island by the Favorite’s choice. I thought that was a great move since a. She already had immunity and b. She’s clearly crazy and they should want her to have opportunities to stick around.
The Favorites choose Cirie to accompany Kathleen at Exile Island. Poor Cirie. First Shane and now Kathleen. She really should consider moving into the mental health profession. She always seems to get stuck with the oddballs.
Exile Island has a nice twist this season. They give a clue to another clue...to another clue...to another...that keeps the people walking between islands through shark-infested waters. The only thing that should prove more entertaining is when it storms like crazy and rips one of them away in a tidal surge.
Back at camp Mikey begins to over think everything. He wants some people to vote for Chet and others to vote for Tracy in case Kathleen comes back and gives someone the idol. Why in the world would anyone give away an immunity idol in the first few weeks? He must really think Kathleen is nuts.
Joel decides that Mikey needs to be taken down a few pegs and proceeds to work to have a different person voted off.
Erik the ice cream scooper chimes in with "Joel is really smart." Please note that in my pre-season Survivor analysis I wrote the following:
Erik –[H]e thinks he can easily be a good leader or a good follower…Erik is my pre-season pick for being “the idiot”.
I think we'll find that this bears out.
At tribal council, Jeff asks Chet about his pitiful performance in the challenge. Chet contests that he wasn't "exhausted" and that he came ashore at everyone's request to let someone else have a try. Evidently Chet was confused about the purpose of the challenge and thought that "swimming" meant "treading water" and "finding the key" meant "gasping for breath".
Probst called him out, of course. Gotta wonder what Jeff is like at home:
Jeff: "Honey, I noticed you got two percent milk again...You know I need skim so I can keep fitting into my special shirt."
Jeff's wife: "Sorry, the skim they had was almost expired."
Jeff: "Are you telling me that you couldn't, in an entire supermarket, find a gallon of skim milk that didn't expire in the next two days? And that there weren't three other supermarkets within a mile of that one that might have had some? Kids, what do you think of mom's performance at the supermarket today?"
Jeff's kids (nodding): "I just don't think she has the heart to win, Dad. She just wants to go home"
During the vote, Mikey B. weighs in on Chet "you blew it with your body; you blew it with your brain and your heart". Ouch. I'd like to see Mikey give out performance reviews here at work.
Joel’s strategy works and Mary is voted off. I think the only person who was more stunned than Mary was Mikey B. He had this far-off look in his eyes that made me wonder if he was despondent about his strategy falling through or the fact that he was definitely not hooking up with Mary any time soon.
One final note, during the bit at the end I noticed that Joel actually voted for Tracy. What the heck was that all about?
Coming soon, Survivor celebrity look-alikes!
Next week on Survivor: Ozzy and Amanda spoon! James and Parvarti choose bathroom linens!
Mary departs taking Dean with her as the first casualty of Survivorfest 2. Dean had the dubious honor of picking only two contestants to place money on only to watch them both depart in the first two weeks.
I've updated the site with the latest info.
On to my observations for week 2:
The fan tribe went on to show us that having flint is no guarantee of having fire. After several hours of futile effort they had little to show for it. They eventually started one toward the end of the day but it cost them several hours of frustration and a series of arguments over sleeping arrangements. In the end, seven of the tribe took one cave and Tracy, Kathleen and Chet were relegated to the other. Personally I think they have a chance at a housing discrimination lawsuit defaming middle aged women and homosexuals. Considering that Kathleen is one of the three they might be able to throw in "mentally ill". In all fairness I don't think I'd like for her to live next to me, either.
Joel cracks me up when he gets angry. He says things like "Joel is angry!" and "Raaaaaugh!" He's like a pink version of the Incredible Hulk.
No blur for Joel, by the way, when his potty mouth was rubbed out by those helpful CBS censors. Survivorfest rules specify that blurs need to be for nudity-related situations only.
I confused as to why they blur someone's mouth, anyway? They pretty much let fly with a list of words that they sure as heck couldn't say on TV when I was a kid. In fact, I think a few of them were featured on George Carlson's "The Seven Words You Can't Say on Television". Why get parochial on the few that are left?
We did have a confirmed blur this evening! Jason the nudist surfer guy had his butt crack blurred out while working on his upscale, segregated housing. Those of you with money on Jason stand up and wave to the crowd.
Mikey B has weird tattoos. A ticket stub? It's almost as if he's a doodle pad. They're not even spaced out properly. I think he might be a practice dummy for new artists on Miami Ink.
Joel notes that Mikey is playing the ladies, particularly Mary: "its player school 101!" Why didn't they have player school when I was younger? In high school I had to take art and stuff.
Ozzy and Amanda appear to be having a "thing". I could tell because that was the description for the evening's episode on the channel guide. My wife noted that every time they were on camera together CBS piped in porn music in the background.
Cirie was disgusted to see the proceeding tongue-wrestling match while the rest of the tribe was trying to sleep. She is entered into the Survivor quotes hall of fame by coining the phrase: Ozzlets - noun 1. informal. Product of a relation between Amanda and Ozzy.
The challenge this week is swimming combined with a puzzle. James sticks to the "keymaster" role confirming that he can neither swim nor think particularly well. Kathleen sits out the event to everyone's mutual satisfaction.
Man, Ozzy can swim like a freakin' dolphin, can't he? I think he was out of the water and dried off before the other guy finished his dive.
Chet absolutely killed his tribe by being unable to find the key after his leg of the challenge. Eventually they screamed at him to get out of the water and head straight to tribal council (just kidding about the tribal council part...barely).
Jonathan is really in shape for this season of Survivor! He looks lean and mean enough to make me think that someone has been floating the concept for Down Periscope II.
The Favorites make up for their previous poor showing by completely obliterating the Fans. Kathleen is sent to Exile Island by the Favorite’s choice. I thought that was a great move since a. She already had immunity and b. She’s clearly crazy and they should want her to have opportunities to stick around.
The Favorites choose Cirie to accompany Kathleen at Exile Island. Poor Cirie. First Shane and now Kathleen. She really should consider moving into the mental health profession. She always seems to get stuck with the oddballs.
Exile Island has a nice twist this season. They give a clue to another clue...to another clue...to another...that keeps the people walking between islands through shark-infested waters. The only thing that should prove more entertaining is when it storms like crazy and rips one of them away in a tidal surge.
Back at camp Mikey begins to over think everything. He wants some people to vote for Chet and others to vote for Tracy in case Kathleen comes back and gives someone the idol. Why in the world would anyone give away an immunity idol in the first few weeks? He must really think Kathleen is nuts.
Joel decides that Mikey needs to be taken down a few pegs and proceeds to work to have a different person voted off.
Erik the ice cream scooper chimes in with "Joel is really smart." Please note that in my pre-season Survivor analysis I wrote the following:
Erik –[H]e thinks he can easily be a good leader or a good follower…Erik is my pre-season pick for being “the idiot”.
I think we'll find that this bears out.
At tribal council, Jeff asks Chet about his pitiful performance in the challenge. Chet contests that he wasn't "exhausted" and that he came ashore at everyone's request to let someone else have a try. Evidently Chet was confused about the purpose of the challenge and thought that "swimming" meant "treading water" and "finding the key" meant "gasping for breath".
Probst called him out, of course. Gotta wonder what Jeff is like at home:
Jeff: "Honey, I noticed you got two percent milk again...You know I need skim so I can keep fitting into my special shirt."
Jeff's wife: "Sorry, the skim they had was almost expired."
Jeff: "Are you telling me that you couldn't, in an entire supermarket, find a gallon of skim milk that didn't expire in the next two days? And that there weren't three other supermarkets within a mile of that one that might have had some? Kids, what do you think of mom's performance at the supermarket today?"
Jeff's kids (nodding): "I just don't think she has the heart to win, Dad. She just wants to go home"
During the vote, Mikey B. weighs in on Chet "you blew it with your body; you blew it with your brain and your heart". Ouch. I'd like to see Mikey give out performance reviews here at work.
Joel’s strategy works and Mary is voted off. I think the only person who was more stunned than Mary was Mikey B. He had this far-off look in his eyes that made me wonder if he was despondent about his strategy falling through or the fact that he was definitely not hooking up with Mary any time soon.
One final note, during the bit at the end I noticed that Joel actually voted for Tracy. What the heck was that all about?
Coming soon, Survivor celebrity look-alikes!
Next week on Survivor: Ozzy and Amanda spoon! James and Parvarti choose bathroom linens!
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Survivorfest2 - Week one
Jonny Fairplay is "Fairplayed" out in the first week!
The early money winners and player selections are posted on the website: http://www.woltermanns.com/survivorfest/survivorfest2.htm
I made a ruling of "no blur" on Parvarti in the hot tub during the introductory sequence. I just couldn't be certain and, since it was from a previous season, we'll wait for the next opportunity. I didn’t see any other blurs this week, so unless someone else saw one that they'd like to point out, we'll have to look for it next week.
It's always interesting to see the Survivors when you're used to them as they appear during the middle of starvation mode. It's strange to see Amanda and Ozzy appear almost chubby.
Chet seems like a strange-looking dude. Is that a hairpiece or does hair really grow like that?
Erik's occupation is listed as ice cream scooper. And I think he has a man crush on Ozzy. This should be fun to watch.
All of the Favorites seemed to get a nice round of applause and cheers from the Fans as they appear on the beach, except Eliza. It was almost like they weren't quite sure who she was.
Jeff immediately disses Fairplay. It's bad news when even Jeff Probst gives you grief.
Tracy gives JFP no love: "He's a loser pig".
The group of twenty race across the water to where their canoes and hidden immunity idols are placed. JFP grabs the idol for the Fan group, realizes his error and scrambles for it along with Yau-Man. Yau-Man dropped JFP like a bad habit, and takes the first hidden immunity idol. It kind of struck me as a metaphor for how life should treat JFP.
JFP spent most of the canoe trip back to camp grousing about how Yau-Man smacked his head against the canoe while going for the idol. Now, I'm not a particularly proud man, but if I just had my lunch handed to me by a senior citizen in glasses and a floppy hat I think I would have just kept quiet.
Goofy Kathleen wandered along and is encouraged to pick up the Fan idol that JFP left lying in the sand.
Kathleen's good fortune in picking up the discarded idol likely made everyone who picked her groan. She's not going home tonight. And judging by her immediate impression on her tribe, I suspect she won't be long for this game.
It turns out Chet is a homosexual. Kathleen "could tell". She followed that up with a conversation that set gay/straight relations back approximately 400 years. She then proceeded to remark on Tracy's...er, upper body dimensions. I must confess that I found myself wondering if it was possible to have someone blurred when they were fully clothed. Maybe next week.
Jonny Fairplay is going to be a daddy! I'm not sure whether to hope that he's lying or weep for our future.
James chimes in with a Survivor Hall off Fame quote: "[Parvarti's] one of those sex kitten type girls...and I like it!" Man, it's good to have James back!
There seems to be a lot more excitement early on in this season than in some past. Most of the fans seemed positively jazzed to be getting poured on in a jungle with only palm leaves to protect them.
Jonny Fairplay sets a Survivor record for trying to pull a double (or maybe even triple) cross on the very first day. He confides to us that the one true gift he has is the ability to lie at will.
My ten year old remarks "his parents must be sooooo proud." And just think…they’re going to be grandparents soon!
Yau-man, in the meantime, starts a fire with his glasses and a drop of water. The Yau rocks! I am convinced that with three more days and a handful of blueberries he will build a cell phone to have pizza airlifted to their camp.
The first immunity challenge is extremely complicated. I wonder if they give the contestants prior notice on these rules just so they know what the heck is going on.
The Fans jump out to a quick lead while the Favorites struggle with getting the wheels on their carts. They start to catch up while both teams are digging for the bridge planks in the sand. Erik the ice cream scooper dumps about fourteen pounds of sand on Ozzy. He gets high marks for style points, but I think Ozzy's going to have his revenge before all is said and done.
The Favorites are keeping the contest tight when they hit a tree root, giving Eliza a cart sandwich. It took them several long moments to get the cart moving again and the challenge is lost.
A much-needed taste of humility for our favorite band of Favorites.
Back at camp JFP attempts a strategy of trying to make himself a target by claiming to want to go home. It worked really well when everyone voted him off.
A whopping eight of us collected on Fairplay’s misfortune!
And we’re off and running on the second season of…Survivorfest!
The early money winners and player selections are posted on the website: http://www.woltermanns.com/survivorfest/survivorfest2.htm
I made a ruling of "no blur" on Parvarti in the hot tub during the introductory sequence. I just couldn't be certain and, since it was from a previous season, we'll wait for the next opportunity. I didn’t see any other blurs this week, so unless someone else saw one that they'd like to point out, we'll have to look for it next week.
It's always interesting to see the Survivors when you're used to them as they appear during the middle of starvation mode. It's strange to see Amanda and Ozzy appear almost chubby.
Chet seems like a strange-looking dude. Is that a hairpiece or does hair really grow like that?
Erik's occupation is listed as ice cream scooper. And I think he has a man crush on Ozzy. This should be fun to watch.
All of the Favorites seemed to get a nice round of applause and cheers from the Fans as they appear on the beach, except Eliza. It was almost like they weren't quite sure who she was.
Jeff immediately disses Fairplay. It's bad news when even Jeff Probst gives you grief.
Tracy gives JFP no love: "He's a loser pig".
The group of twenty race across the water to where their canoes and hidden immunity idols are placed. JFP grabs the idol for the Fan group, realizes his error and scrambles for it along with Yau-Man. Yau-Man dropped JFP like a bad habit, and takes the first hidden immunity idol. It kind of struck me as a metaphor for how life should treat JFP.
JFP spent most of the canoe trip back to camp grousing about how Yau-Man smacked his head against the canoe while going for the idol. Now, I'm not a particularly proud man, but if I just had my lunch handed to me by a senior citizen in glasses and a floppy hat I think I would have just kept quiet.
Goofy Kathleen wandered along and is encouraged to pick up the Fan idol that JFP left lying in the sand.
Kathleen's good fortune in picking up the discarded idol likely made everyone who picked her groan. She's not going home tonight. And judging by her immediate impression on her tribe, I suspect she won't be long for this game.
It turns out Chet is a homosexual. Kathleen "could tell". She followed that up with a conversation that set gay/straight relations back approximately 400 years. She then proceeded to remark on Tracy's...er, upper body dimensions. I must confess that I found myself wondering if it was possible to have someone blurred when they were fully clothed. Maybe next week.
Jonny Fairplay is going to be a daddy! I'm not sure whether to hope that he's lying or weep for our future.
James chimes in with a Survivor Hall off Fame quote: "[Parvarti's] one of those sex kitten type girls...and I like it!" Man, it's good to have James back!
There seems to be a lot more excitement early on in this season than in some past. Most of the fans seemed positively jazzed to be getting poured on in a jungle with only palm leaves to protect them.
Jonny Fairplay sets a Survivor record for trying to pull a double (or maybe even triple) cross on the very first day. He confides to us that the one true gift he has is the ability to lie at will.
My ten year old remarks "his parents must be sooooo proud." And just think…they’re going to be grandparents soon!
Yau-man, in the meantime, starts a fire with his glasses and a drop of water. The Yau rocks! I am convinced that with three more days and a handful of blueberries he will build a cell phone to have pizza airlifted to their camp.
The first immunity challenge is extremely complicated. I wonder if they give the contestants prior notice on these rules just so they know what the heck is going on.
The Fans jump out to a quick lead while the Favorites struggle with getting the wheels on their carts. They start to catch up while both teams are digging for the bridge planks in the sand. Erik the ice cream scooper dumps about fourteen pounds of sand on Ozzy. He gets high marks for style points, but I think Ozzy's going to have his revenge before all is said and done.
The Favorites are keeping the contest tight when they hit a tree root, giving Eliza a cart sandwich. It took them several long moments to get the cart moving again and the challenge is lost.
A much-needed taste of humility for our favorite band of Favorites.
Back at camp JFP attempts a strategy of trying to make himself a target by claiming to want to go home. It worked really well when everyone voted him off.
A whopping eight of us collected on Fairplay’s misfortune!
And we’re off and running on the second season of…Survivorfest!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Ignominious moments in Survivor history
Ignominious moments in Survivor history
I haven't seen every season of Survivor, so I need some help with this...Here is my current top 10 list of most ignominious Survivor moments. Maybe we can work to bump some of these off in favor of some better ones...
Off the board: Season 15: one tribe attempts to throw an immunity challenge in order to vote off a particular member. Lunch Lady Denise is unable to stomach the bird fetus dish she is responsible for eating. Eventually James take pity on her and eats his bird to win the event and, improbably, gain immunity for his tribe.
10. Season 15: James acquires two immunity idols and is voted off without using either of them.
9. Season 15: Jaime rifles through James' personal belongings while he is away from camp and finds his two(!) immunity idols. Eschewing the likelihood that he has the actual idols hidden in his extra pair of pants, she chooses to pick up discarded plaques from the ground and attempts to play them as immunity idols at tribal council.
8. Season 7: Rupert, acting out every pirates fantasy, steals the shoes and personal belongings of the other tribe and barters them for goods for his own tribe.
7. Season 1: Original series winner Richard Hatch is busted for tax evasion. Evidently he came to the conclusion that the million dollars he won wasn't subject to taxes...His claim was that he thought CBS was taking care of it. Somehow he also managed to forget about nearly half a million dollars in income from subsequent appearance fees.
6. Season 13: Billy mistakes Candice's optimism as affection and croons "I love yooouuuu" to her. Later he declares his new love at tribal council causing Jeff Probst to goggle his eyes and snap his head around quickly enough to give him whiplash. I mandate that this shall forever more be known as a "Billy Moment".
5. Season 15: Todd receives news during the show that his sister had lost her unborn baby. Many of the remaining tribe assume he is "Fairplaying" them and mock his efforts. I've not seen any indication, and the after-show did not mention whether this story was true, but the willingness to assume that Todd was trying to fool people was just a sad statement.
4. Season 7: Jonny Fairplay enlists the aid of a friend to bring him (completely untrue) tidings of his grandmother's unexpected demise. This leads to the reality-TV term being "Fairplayed".
3. Season 14: Dreamz screws Yau-man on the car-for-immunity deal. Dreamz later tries to justify it by saying he meant to keep his promise at the time, but later decided it would be in the best interest of his game strategy to welch on it. I have no doubt that this duplicity cost Yau-Man the game that season. Earl went on to win (over Dreamz) by a unanimous vote.
2. Season 15: Lunch Lady Denise lies about her work situation in the after-show. She claimed that her new fame caused the school she worked at to remove her from her lunch duties and take on a custodial role. In truth, she had applied for and received the custodial role (and a pay increase) before she left for the show. I assume she did this to curry votes for the fan favorite for the season. It didn't work and the pity money offered by executive producer Mark Burnett was given to an Aids charity. I list this as #1 because her deception was not part of the game. I'm surprised that it didn't occur to her that the school district she rolled over on for "taking away her job" wouldn't have anything to say about it.
1. Season 16: Erik, down to the final five contestants, gives away his immunity idol to Natalie in the hopes of garnering votes with the jury. He would never see those votes as the remaining members of the tribe immediately voted him off.
I haven't seen every season of Survivor, so I need some help with this...Here is my current top 10 list of most ignominious Survivor moments. Maybe we can work to bump some of these off in favor of some better ones...
Off the board: Season 15: one tribe attempts to throw an immunity challenge in order to vote off a particular member. Lunch Lady Denise is unable to stomach the bird fetus dish she is responsible for eating. Eventually James take pity on her and eats his bird to win the event and, improbably, gain immunity for his tribe.
10. Season 15: James acquires two immunity idols and is voted off without using either of them.
9. Season 15: Jaime rifles through James' personal belongings while he is away from camp and finds his two(!) immunity idols. Eschewing the likelihood that he has the actual idols hidden in his extra pair of pants, she chooses to pick up discarded plaques from the ground and attempts to play them as immunity idols at tribal council.
8. Season 7: Rupert, acting out every pirates fantasy, steals the shoes and personal belongings of the other tribe and barters them for goods for his own tribe.
7. Season 1: Original series winner Richard Hatch is busted for tax evasion. Evidently he came to the conclusion that the million dollars he won wasn't subject to taxes...His claim was that he thought CBS was taking care of it. Somehow he also managed to forget about nearly half a million dollars in income from subsequent appearance fees.
6. Season 13: Billy mistakes Candice's optimism as affection and croons "I love yooouuuu" to her. Later he declares his new love at tribal council causing Jeff Probst to goggle his eyes and snap his head around quickly enough to give him whiplash. I mandate that this shall forever more be known as a "Billy Moment".
5. Season 15: Todd receives news during the show that his sister had lost her unborn baby. Many of the remaining tribe assume he is "Fairplaying" them and mock his efforts. I've not seen any indication, and the after-show did not mention whether this story was true, but the willingness to assume that Todd was trying to fool people was just a sad statement.
4. Season 7: Jonny Fairplay enlists the aid of a friend to bring him (completely untrue) tidings of his grandmother's unexpected demise. This leads to the reality-TV term being "Fairplayed".
3. Season 14: Dreamz screws Yau-man on the car-for-immunity deal. Dreamz later tries to justify it by saying he meant to keep his promise at the time, but later decided it would be in the best interest of his game strategy to welch on it. I have no doubt that this duplicity cost Yau-Man the game that season. Earl went on to win (over Dreamz) by a unanimous vote.
2. Season 15: Lunch Lady Denise lies about her work situation in the after-show. She claimed that her new fame caused the school she worked at to remove her from her lunch duties and take on a custodial role. In truth, she had applied for and received the custodial role (and a pay increase) before she left for the show. I assume she did this to curry votes for the fan favorite for the season. It didn't work and the pity money offered by executive producer Mark Burnett was given to an Aids charity. I list this as #1 because her deception was not part of the game. I'm surprised that it didn't occur to her that the school district she rolled over on for "taking away her job" wouldn't have anything to say about it.
1. Season 16: Erik, down to the final five contestants, gives away his immunity idol to Natalie in the hopes of garnering votes with the jury. He would never see those votes as the remaining members of the tribe immediately voted him off.
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