Welcome to Survivorfest II!

We’re fresh off the heels of Survivorfest I and we’ve added several new people to the game. Welcome! I hope you enjoy the experience.

I’ll be passing out the official Survivorfest II game sheets and payment envelopes starting Monday 1/7.

The last date I will accept an entry is Tuesday, 2/5. Since the new season of Survivor starts on 2/7 this will give me a day or so to update all the spreadsheets and post everyone’s choices.

As with the last season I will post a blog entry following each weekly episode with the latest scoring updates and snarky side comments. Feel free to join in on the fun! Just keep the comments PG-13 or better, please.

CBS has posted the official bios and favorites on their website: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor16/

We learned last year that CBS doesn’t feel it’s necessary to include any and all useful information that you might find relevant, such as Jean-Robert speaking fluent Mandarin or Peih-Gee being of Chinese origin. So use this information as you will.

I’ve encapsulated the info onto one site to make it a little easier to read or print out: http://www.woltermanns.com/Survivorfest/survivorfest.2.bios.htm

Now, on to Tony’s pre-season observations:

This is a unique Survivor season. They chose to combine an All-Star Survivor with a group of “super fans”. The previous All-Star Survivor didn’t sit well with host Jeff Probst who noted that after a season on Survivor it’s amazing how a one page contract riders turned into several pages calling for stuff like “M&Ms with all of the green ones taken out”. You gotta love America society.

The Fans:

Alexis – Young, attractive and a self-described sports junkie. I double-checked…her college TV show Doing It For Reel was not a Cinemax special. Just thought you’d like to know.

Chet – Middle-aged, but in great shape. His bio indicates he was a beauty pageant coach in his spare time. He describes himself as “magical” and having “country smarts”. You guys vote how you want, but one of my personal Survivor rules is “Never put real money on the old hick”. We’ll see how it goes, but I might have to amend it with “especially if they’re sporting a tribal arm band tattoo and a nipple ring.

Erik – I think he looks like Leif Garrett. Add to that that he thinks he can easily be a good leader or a good follower and Erik is my pre-season pick for being “the idiot”.

Jason – Total slacker by trade, but comes equipped with all the Survivor tools you like to see, such as rock climbing, fishing and swimming. He is a former nude model and claims to be a great masseuse. He’s my early favorite for a serious all-body blur.

Joel – The last firefighter the show had won the whole thing. He believes his EMS skills will help him win. He’s my early choice for most likely to have to give resuscitation to Cirie after an event that involves running, swimming or anything other than standing still.

Kathleen – Middle-aged golf course concessionaire. I don’t golf as much as I should, but it’s unusual for someone so…how can I put this delicately…long in the tooth to have that as an occupation. She describes herself as shallow and proclaims Max Factor as her hero. She’s my early pick for weeping abjectly and wishing to go home after week 3.

Mary – I suspect Mary has had “some work done”. I’ll leave that up to you to decide. At the age of 18 she moved to Hawaii to “explore island life”. I think that’s code for partying on the beach and drinking to excess. At least that’s what it meant when I was in college.

Mikey B – I smell a rat. Mikey is an actor who produced and appeared in the movie the Last Supper which as far as I can tell, is about Jesus Christ at a nightclub. And no, I’m not kidding. Anyway, this picture was developed by Survivor All-Star Jonathan Penner (more on him in a bit) and his wife. Two guys involved in the same film on the same season of Survivor? Before you get too excited about an early power play, Mikey played the role of Judas. He’s my pre-season favorite for flipping on his tribe mates.

Natalie – I suggested that Mary might have had some work done. I strongly suspect that Natalie had more work done than Frankenstein. She’s my early pick for “biggest biotch”. She will appear in an upcoming movie titled Tied In Blood. Here is the plot summary (again, you can’t make this stuff up): Robert, a Medium frustrated by scraping a living with simple party tricks, is hired by George to find the truth behind the brutal deaths of his wife & children. George is convinced their house is possessed by an ancient evil, but as the dead return to tell of ghostly seduction, demonic rage, and brutal murder, Robert discovers the truth - a horror far more real than any ghost story...

Tracy – Some acting and modeling (see a trend here?). She’s a residential builder and scuba dives, which will be useful. She parachutes and skis, which probably will not be.

The All-Stars:

Amanda – Amanda returns from the most recent season of Survivor where she placed third overall. She’s best known for being Todd’s (the winner) BFF and having a rear-end blur the entire second half of the season. She tries to never leave home without her cowboy boots. Indeed.

Ami – A veteran of Survivor Vantuatu. Evidently she’s rich or something. I wasn’t watching that season or I don’t really remember her, so I’ve got nothing to offer here.

Cirie – Veteran of Survivor Panama. She’s best known for getting carried into the finals because she couldn’t win any challenges and having the misfortune to be asked to examine Shane’s rash. She believes she will be the Ultimate Survivor because “people love her cute, smiling personality”. Hasn’t she been on the show before?

Eliza – Veteran Survivor Vantuatu. Again, missed that one. She seems like an over-achiever with a lot background skills. -2 points for being from New York.

James – Also fresh from the last season of Survivor! Hopefully James learned from his mistakes and won’t go home clutching two (count ‘em, two!) hidden immunity idols. I’m sure James is a huge favorite to do well again this year. I disagree for two reasons: He can’t swim and he doesn’t have Todd around to hand him immunity idols.

Jonathan – Veteran of Survivor Cook Islands. As I mentioned earlier, I think there’s likely to be something up with him and Mikey B. Despite some of the lofty guest appearances in his bio, you’re likely to best remember him as Seaman Stanley “Spots” Sylvesterson in the movie Down Periscope also starring Kelsey Grammer, Rip Torn, Rob Schneider and Lauren Holley. If you haven’t seen the movie, tune your TV to TBS or USA and odds are that it’s playing right now with serious commercial interruption.

Jonny Fairplay – Veteran of Survivor Pearl Islands. What is there to say about old Jonny? If you missed that season, Jonny is best known for using a “my grandmother just died” fabrication to gain pity with the other contestants. This lived on for several seasons, as we saw Todd being (probably unfairly) castigated when he announced that his sister had lost her unborn baby while he was on the show. Classy. Jonny has done well for himself by extending his 15 minutes of shame to several other venues including shows about tattoo parlors and professional wrestling. I think he’s going to find it hard to put anything over on anyone this time around, but he’s my pre-season pick for dark horse winner.

Ozzy – Veteran of Survivor Cook Islands. Ozzy was a mainstay at camp and brought the goods when it came to fishing, climbing, swimming and, I’m told, looking pretty hot in his scruffy beard. If I recall, Ozzy won some serious cash with a “fan favorite” vote during the season finale of Cook Islands. He’s my pre-season favorite to be seen nude surfing with Jason at some point during the season.

Parvarti – Veteran of Survivor Cook Islands. She’s best known for her flirtatious nature. Well, heck, her last name is “Shallow” and I think that’s really all you need to know.

Yau-Man – Veteran of Survivor Fiji. The Yau! He’s my personal favorite. An old-timer who can do it all. Had he not been totally screwed over by Dreamz not living up to his end of the immunity bargain, I believe he was the hands-down winner of that season. He’s my pre-season pick for “fan favorite” cash if they do it this year.

Were there any former Survivors that you wished would have returned?

I would have liked to have seen another round of Rocky. Anybody whose main defining quality is that (facially) he looked like Sylvester Stallone is sure to be quality entertainment. The best part was, he was okay with that.

I also miss "I love youuuuu, toooooo" Billie. We haven't seen a televised emasculation so tramatic since Fonzie won that dance marathon on Happy Days.